I really don't get N* very often. I feel ,although having severe emet, I don't stress over it as much as many here do. I don't think about it every second. I feel so bad, truely, for those on here that have the CONSTANT worry, because I do understand what that worry is like. If I was to come down with stomache flu, or drink to much, I would and have had that dark, lonely, dreadful wanting to run from it as fast and hard as I can feeling. I do understand totally. When I am to the v* stage, I panic as bad as the rest on here. My hands sweat, my mouth gets dry, my heart races, I get dizzy, I beg, plead and pray to God it doesn't happen, I feel like I want to escape myself and yet I can't. Its the most empty, dark, lonely feeling ever and I HATE it. I would rather die at that very moment. DIE! I think with age, although the fear is as bad, I don't have the daily, constant worry, every waking second. I do think about it daily, I do wash my hands a lot, I make my kids wash alot, I wipe down toilets and bathrooms everyday, I wonder when I go out to eat, if the cooks are sick, etc. but I don't panic and feel N* everyday. I really freak though, because I know that when I am N*, its for real! I don't ever make myself sick. ever! So it wouold be the real thing, unfortunatly. Anyway, thats my story with N* and me and emet.