i just want to die..

[angles]

so i havent posted on here in a while but i dont know who else to turn to. i dont even know what the point of writing about this on here is.. i just have to write it to someone. so read or dont read its up to you. ive been living in canada for nearly a year now and met my boyfriend there when i first arrived. for the past 2 months we've been travelling in different countries and we only keep in touch over facebook. i usually hear from him every couple of days and he always writes to me when he gets internet access. but lately he's stopped writing and i know he's been online because im a bit of a facebook creeper and check his wall and it shows everything he's been doing and he's joining groups, adding friends, changing his profile picture, tagging himself in pictures.. so i know its not that he doesnt have time to write to me. and then last night i dreamt that i checked online and he'd been on again and hadnt written and i woke up feeling sick. then it actually happened today. and i honestly just want to die. i dont know how to deal with the thought of not being with him. i dont know whats going through his head or why he's not writing but im completely freaking out. i wrote to him again just now asking what the hells going on and if somethings up please tell me. im petrified of losing him. i dont know what to do.. the only reason im still in canada is because im waiting for him to come back from travelling. now it feels like ive been waiting for nothing..

[angles]

i cant handle this. im checking facebook every 2 minutes even though i know he probably wont be back online for at least a day. and even then who knows if he'll write. i feel so sick to my stomach thinking about this. i dont want to know whats going on because i dont know if im ready to hear it... i just need somebody to talk to..

[btmagu]

Gosh, that must be so hard for you. When you send him another email, let him know how worried you are about him and that you just need to hear from him that he's ok. I know you "know" by looking at facebook, but he needs to hear how upset you are. Try to hang in there!

[angles]

all signs just point to it being bad news. i cant stop stressing over it and thinking about it constantly. this really sucks im like shaking im so worried

[btmagu]

It might be best if you be very direct with him and let him know you are upset. He should be contacting you, but if he's not, you have the right to find out what's going on.

[lgood22573]

Is he just ignoring your emails? If this is the case, I would not send any more until he responds. I'm sorry :-(

[angles]

it seems that way because i know he's been online a few times.. but nothing seemed to be wrong before this so im really confused and hurt.

[madisonsmom]

Ugh![img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img] I am sorry. Do you have any other means to talk to him at all?

[angles]

no hes in central america and doesnt have a phone or anything.. so im just always checking on facebook or msn for him.. im f***ing pathetic

[btmagu]

You are NOT pathetic! It's how we are when we care about someone, especially the opposite sex! Keep your chin up if you can.....

[jandub]

No, you're not pathetic. I hate that feeling, just the not knowing. I would not let him toy around with you if that is what is going on, and get to the bottom of it as soon as possible. I know you've tried writing him though, just hang in there until he let's you know what the heck he's doing. Did anything in his voice sound strange the last time you spoke?

[stella9]

Hmmm. This is a tough one. I know I am older than you so my suggestions may sound like motherly, or older sisterly, advice.


A relationship is give and take, based on mutual love, affection, compassion and understanding. If you are spending your time worrying about whether he still cares for you and you notice that he is posting on facebook, but doesn't communicate with you, a re-evaluation of his affections needs to be made by you.


Feeling as though you want to die because he hasn't communicated with you is giving him way too much power in controlling your feelings. Your feelings are yours. If he is not interested in you the way you are interested in him, take some time to reassess what you want. Maybe you are wasting your affections for someone who doesn't deserve it.


We have all been there --- experiencing unrequited love. Anyone on these boards is married, with kids, will affirm that a relationship can only work with two people equally working at it. A lopsided relationship will wear you down at every level. You deserve so much better.





Stella

[kellygirl]

Stella9 that was the BEST motherly/sisterly advice EVER.


And although I know that Angles is going through a really emotional and difficult time -- I agree with you 200%... I have been married 3 times so I have much experience with "lopsided relationships".


and Angels -- you will get through this no matter why he isn't e-mailing you at this time.

[emmalou]

I'm sorry Angles. But I think what Stella said is so right. I'm going to
take her advice as well!

[joannemamac]

Angels,





I am sorry you are so upset. Relationships are hard enigh when you are both treating each other right. Please don't feel like you are being pathetic - you deserve to hear from him. I hope he contacts you soon.





Take care,





Joanne

[DinahRT]

Stella, you'd give Dr. Phil a run for his money! She's absolutely right, angles. Think of it this way as well..you want to funnel your energy into things that you enjoy, things that build you up, not pining over someone who isn't responding. Ignore him for a while, and he might want to know what's going on, and tell him flat out how you feel. Don't let him bring you down, there are plenty of others out there who will treat you the way you deserve. You're not pathetic, he is, for not at least responding one time. If you don't mind me asking, angles, how old are you?


Think about your hobbies and immerse yourself into them for now,learn new and interesting things..that way your mind won't constantly be on him.

[angles]

wow guys thanks so much for all the advice i didnt expect this at all!
in answer to DinahRT, im 21 and have been through s***ty relationships in the past and know how crap i feel after being broken up.. im an emotional person and i let things affect me too easily. i love too much, i just cant help it.
i know he used to have strong feelings for me but i dont know if his feelings have changed since he's been away. he's been sending nice emails to me for the most part of his trip except for lately where he doesnt write much or doesnt write at all. i honestly just dont get it. i sent him another msg telling him to just tell me whats going on because i dont want to be in the dark. and i still havent heard from him and it looks like he's been online.. i honestly just dont understand. if he was going to break up with me wouldnt now be the easiest time to do it because we're so far apart?
and as for you guys that said i deserve better.. well the truth is he's always treated me really well. this isnt like him at all..

[angles]

and in reply to jandub.. ive only spoken to him once on the phone since we said goodbye to each other (we've been apart for about 2 months now). he sounded fine on the phone and seemed happy to be speaking to me but since the phone call his contact with him has dwindled and now turned into no contact at all. i just dont understand. im dying here, i wish i'd hear from him..

[btmagu]

Hang in there!!! You are doing the best thing you can, and it sounds like he'll be on the "short end of the stick" if he doesn't get in touch with you. You sound like a really sweet girl!

[jencisco]

Please try not to obsess too much. You will drive yourself nuts. I would get off the computer and try to busy myself with something else. I know it's easier said than done, but you have a life to live, w/ or w/out him, so don't let him dictate when you can start living that life. You are the boss of yourself. [img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img]

[pemommie]

Angles, Gosh, I am so sorry. These situations are so hard, when I have been in similar ones I would almost get physically sick because it would make me so sad. Stella made great points, and I agree with what she said. This may or may not turn out as you want...but you have to remember a few things 1) You are strong and time is the greatest gift. On days when I was so down I just wanted to crawl under a little rock and die, I told myself "time will heal this." It always did. 2) If his feelings are genuine for you, he will be back. The key, however, is NOT to wait. Move on to other things, get busy, push forward. Right now he knows you are in a holding pattern waiting for him to figure out what he wants to do (like Stella said, you are giving him the power). If you get on with your own life...you might find out things you didn't know about yourself, including whether or not you really want him as a part of your life. Then when he comes back (and he will) YOU can decide.

[sage]

On a bit of a tangent - I think it's interesting that when you get emotionally upset (about losing your boyfriend) you feel sick/nauseous. "Interesting" from a human-psychology point of view, I mean. I think if you could get a handle on your emotions in general, you might find that your emetophobia gets better.


Just a thought...

[tcsarah]

I'm sorry he's putting you through this. Have you heard from him yet?