phobia vs children= phobia is winning

[kristin1980]

So i am gonna be 28 this year and i have been married over 3 yrs very happily. We both have pretty good careers. The absolute only thing that stands in my way of having children is this stupid phobia. I feel like its winning over the battle everyday. I watch these shows like deliver me on discovery health and i see other people with thier babies and i feel the clock ticking.I cry when i see a mother with her new baby.. *sigh*
I had really wanted to have my first baby before i was 30 which i know can still work but i freak out... the v* and n* with pregnancy and then the delivery and then taking care of a child when they are sick.. its seriously the only reason i keep saying no. Honestly i think i might just keep postponing it cuz of this dumb phobia and then it will be too late...

thanks for listening [img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]

[joannemamac]

Hi,

I have posted before about my "mom" experiences. We have 3 children, ages 11, 8 and 6. I never v* during pregnancy or labor. Felt n* a bit but was able to get through it. I do have a very hard time when the girls are sick. My hubby handles a lot and I have developed a network of good friends who have helped. Our families live across the country. I cannot stay in the room with any of them when they feel ill. I am hoping to get better. It is getting easier as the kids get older and more able to care for themselves.

Children vs. phobia ====> children win! I wouldn't trade being a mother for anything!

Best wishes to you and your hubby,

Joanne

[harmonygirl72]

Hi,

I am 35 and am finally ready to start trying for a baby! Besides my phobia being in the way, it took me longer than some to find "Mr. Right." But, now I found him, and I had some great therapy, and I am ready to start trying! I just pray that it isn't too late for me! If I can do it, you can do it! Good luck!!

Mary

[SimplyMe]

I don't have kids or a hubby lol but I do think about the same stuff. That said I know 3 NONemets, w/ a total of 6 kids that never got morning sickness or during labor. They may have had heartburn etc but never v w/ pregnancy. So it is possible to get by w/o getting sick. Maybe some therapy and an understanding OB/GYN would help you? Good luck either way. I know its hard but w/ this stupid phobia, when making a decision I ask myself "will I regret NOT doing this" if the answer is yes ... I TRY to do it ... but ... its hard and sometimes I dont. Honestly you're brave just to think about it!

[grgygrl]

I have 4 kids twin girls and 2 boys. 5 pregnancies in all with 1 dying shortly after birth and never v* with any of them. Its truly a great experience and I would hate for you to miss out on something so great because of this darn phobia. I can relate as my phobia has gotten worse over the years. When the time is right, it will happen and you will be OK [img]smileys/smilies_02.gif[/img]

[kristin1980]

thanks .. honestly what the problem is i think too much about this and the what ifs. Though my counselor made me realize that what ifs arent reality most all of the time which has helped me out alot in some sort of recovery but honestly when it comes down to it when i am n* i forget all the steps i used to take to feel better and its horrible. When i get that way i dont like to be around anyone.. i shew away my husband and my dogs... but i cant do that to a baby! and that worries me.. that i will mentally mess up my children and i dont want that either. Mental illness is so hard to live with sometimes but.. i am so thankful to have everyone here.. thank you!

[allypally.]

Awww Kristin hun,

I can totally relate to how your feeling. Im 31 and feel exactly the same way. So scared of all the what if's etc. I al also EXACTLY the same!! When i feel ill, i shoo everyone away too, and thats my main worry about having a child is that I cant do that. Bit I can only sort myself out and calm down when im totally alone! So I know where youre coming from.

So many emets have kids thought hun, look how many Mums there are on here!! They all got through it and I reckon you can too. Keep on with the councelling and let your partner help and support you, try and start to think positive things about having a baby rather than all the ifs and buts. It may even help your phobia?? Imagine how wonderful it would be to have a baby of your own in your arms. I really think you can do it hun!!

Big hugs,
Ally xx

[jjbmack]

I was so scared of getting pregnant like you but I really wanted children and my husband has been great about it. He knew my fear and is totally in charge when my kids get sick. I have a dd who is 9 and a ds who is 5. Whenever they get sick dh has to stop what he is doing and get home ASAP to take care of them. Its not even a consideration for him to stay at work. I guess it helps that he is self-employed. My mom will also take them if I need her to although she feels its better for me to try and face it a little.

I was N* at the beginning of both pregnancies but I always had altoids on hand. They worked great for me. I never did v* while pg. I Almost did when my dd got her first ever SV. She was 4 and it was absolutely awful. I was about 7 months pg at the time and my mom was in Grand Cayman. My issues are so much about my mom not being there when I need her. Her and my dad travel alot. Anyway, my dh took care of her as she was getting sick several times per hour. I cried, panicked, paced, wrote in a journal and of course called my mom. That was a huge phone bill. When I could stand it I helped by washing the sheets and blankets and saying comforting words from the doorway. I was so upset that I couldn't take care of her. I was repulsed by her and yet I just wanted to hold her. What kind of mother does that? It only lasted about 8 hours and then she was fine. I was a wreck for a couple of days just waiting. I couldn't eat or drink and then about a week later I think I might have caught what she had but I never v*. I had horrible stomach pains and I even went to the hospital because I thought they were contractions. At least contractions would have been better than thinking I had a SV. They said I was dehydrated and my uterus was contracting and agitated. Never was quite sure because I did have d* the rest of the day. I can totally handle d*.

Okay, so this got long but after that really bad time I have gotten so much better at dealing with my kids. I am able to at least stay in the house and not run away. I just keep telling myself to look at them. They are not upset by getting sick. I am the only one upset that they are sick. They are not dying and I am not dying. My dh takes care of them and I have even started to help a little. Last year I even held the bucket for my ds so exposure to this gradually has really helped me. They usually only get sick once a year and I only really panic from Nov to Mar. I am great from May to Nov.

I would definately still have had kids. They are priceless in my life and I can't imagine life without them.

Jodi

[joannemamac]

I was repulsed by her and yet I just wanted to hold her. What kind of mother does that?

Jodi, I do! I feel so bad becasue they'll cry for me, but I just cannot do it. I am fine with all the other illnesses.

~Joanne

[joannemamac]

harmonygirl72, Mary,

I had our first daughter at 34 and the other ones at 36 and 38. Other than having a huge red "AMA" (advanced maternal age) printed on all of my forms, I had no problems. I actually felt the best when I was pregnant! I would have loved one more...I had a very early miscarriage when our youngest was about 16 months old.

~Joanne

[jjbmack]

Oh Joanne~Thank you for saying that. It just makes me feel awful and it was really hard to admit that this is how I feel. It also makes me so angry that I have to deal with this. I am crying right now with relief.

Jodi

[harmonygirl72]

Thank you Joanne!! I hope I can be as lucky as you! I'd like to have 2 kids, if possible! :-)

[wallflower]

Wow, the more I read on here the more understood I feel...I'm only seventeen but I adore children and want to have them really soon! It's probably my depression as well, but every time I see women with kids in public I start crying (I know how stupid that sounds). Mind you, I live in a "crappy" town and most of the new mothers are not much older than me, LOL. Ever since I was about twelve I've only been able to think about morning sickness and looking after sick kids if I decide to have them. I tend to think I'd go through the morning sickness for the baby's sake, but have never really considered what will happen when they're older! My mum said she was really sick with me (she was 40) but only v-ed once with one of my three much older brothers. Will doctors give you anti-emetics during pregnancy now or do they not do that because of Thalydamide? Sorry, I'm a bit naive with regards to this.[img]smileys/smilies_12.gif[/img]

[allypally.]

Hey Wallflower,

If you want children, you should go for it hun! It seems like the majority of emets dont v* from pregnancy cos were so strong and so adamant that we wont at any cost!! So I reckon theres a good chance you would be fine anyway. But there are anti-emetics that you can get from the doc or your obgyn, you would just need to tell them abut your worries and fears and they would give you something to help. There are quite a few different drugs to help with the n*.
Hope thats helped you a little!!

Hugs xxxx

[wallflower]

Thanks, allypally!

I do need to calm down a bit, tho' - how about finishing school, going to uni, getting a job, finding a husband.... [img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img]

[kiwi607]

kristin1980,

The key is to always have a plan. Play it out in your head...every possible scenario and come up with how you will deal with it

1.) What if I get morning sickness?
- I can ask my OBGYN for meds to make me not feel s* even if I feel fine...just to help with the panicky feeling and to calm yourself
- I can take a SAFE aniemetic
2.) What will I do if my kid get s*
- I can have my husband take care of them
- I can have a support system of friends who will care for my children


Just keep playing out every possible fear or phobia you have in your head...write it down...or whatever. But definitely play everything out in your head and have a plan before you even become pregnant as to how you will deal with it....being prepared helps so much and I bet if you do this, you will be a mommy soon enough!!!!