My bulimic sister scares me to death

[duskandsummer]

So when I was like 16 and 17 my sister was severely bulimic and would vomit in the shower and sinks, and all kinds of nasty nasty stuff that would send me into a panic attack. I had moved out of home but unfortunately I'm back there again (19) and she still lives there (she is 21). Every time I go to the bathroom if i smell that smell covered up with body spray or find traces anywhere in the toilet It makes me so nauseous I feel like giving up eating now cos I'm scared one day i'll be sick from the smell. And just the thought of all the germs sitting in there she could atleast disinfect and be the one to scrub the toilet. It affects me really BADLY and I can't deal with it (she only pukes in the toilet these days). Soon I'm gonna snap and we'll end up in an awful fight because this is scaring me to death for obvious reasons. I am even scared to eat just so I wont have to go to the bathroom but i can't really give up on drinking water can I.

WHAT on earth should I do? How does one talk to someone about this without offending them and starting a fight? I feel like putting up signs in the bathroom.


EDIT:

Oops she is 21...my parents have given up on her and I mentioned it to my dad lastnight he said it's my fault cos she's been 'worse since I moved back home'. She doesn't want help from no one she's too afraid to let it go, she doesn't really know about my phobia. I'm sure she'd remember the many times I'd run away from home after discovering she'd been vomiting in the shower and I was crying and screaming.. I was always angry at my mum cos she never threw her in the mental ward. I'm basically stuck with this til i can afford to move away from home again It's getting me really down.Edited by: duskandsummer

[allypally.]

Hi duskandsummer,

Good grief, thats a really awfull situation for you to be in. I dont think I could have coped with at all when my phobia was at its 'peak', so congrats for having the strength to cope at all!! Do your parents know about your phobia and your sisters bulimia? Does your sister know about your phobia? With you both having phobias, you should both be able to relate to each other and be able to understand where each of you are coming from. If I were you, I would talk to my parents first, and ask them to have a quiet word with her. Surely your parents cant be happy about her v* all the time?? If shes been doing this fr years and she is only 12, she really needs some help NOW. Is she not getting any help?? If your parents wont have a word with her on your behalf, then try andtalk to her yourself as calm and understanding as you can possibly be. Try and explain about your phobia and how you cant cope with the smell and stuff, and you would hugely appreciate it if she could just clean up after herself. Tell her that you struggle with your life the same way that she clearly struggles with hers, and while you dont understand, you think its important that you try and help and support each other to make your lives a bit easier of you can. Im sure she will understand as long as you try keep a sympathetic tone.

Big hugs to ya xxx [img]smileys/smilies_13.gif[/img]

[party_boi3423]

First thing is first, does your sister do anything about her bulimia - seek help for example? She needs to do something about it!
Does she make herself sick or does she just have a habit of being frequently sick?
If she is making herself sick, she needs to get that seen to... It's very serious! I know people who have nearly died from bulimia, so I would advise her to go and get it checked out!

With respect to your problem, if she is making herself sick, the food is probably not digested fully so the chances of there being any germs which you can catch are incredibly low! Although, the smell of sick is vile... if i smell sick, I get sick so I know where you are coming from!

[jezebel89]

Aw, that sounds awful. I don't know if anyone else notices it, but as emets sometimes we are selfish (or at least I always feel really selfish) because we always think about the phobia before anything else. I would be very angry and upset too! But she definatly needs to get help as well... and not doing anything about it is almost as bad as just letting your emet get worse and not doing anything about that as well...

[kleonar]

Oh my gosh! I'm so sorry you have to deal with that!

You really should talk to your parents. Bulimia is a VERY VERY dangerous disease which can cause death at a very young age. I lost a friend in HS to it. She had a heart attack at 17!!!! You would see she was skinny but not super skinny. I also have another girlfriend who needs dentures at 28 because he teeth are rotted out. You need to let them know how serious this really is.

Stay strong!

Karen

[grgygrl]

OMGosh, does she know that she could become deathly ill with infection in her throat and ruin all of her teeth? Im sorry for her and you but she really needs to get help, she is slowly killing her self. Will she listen to anyone?

[longgone]

I am so sorry. Why don't your parents talk about it with her and ask for help? I mean it's dangerous for her.

[harttride]

Im so sorry you have to go through that..and that she does too. I hope she gets help soon.If she doesnt know about your phobia , maybe talk to her about. She may understand.And maybe she may see that since you confided something important with her, she may listen to your advice on getting help? Edited by: harttride

[allypally.]

Hi duskandsummer,

I just read your edited post. Sorry, didnt realise she was 21! I think its sad that your parents have given up on her, but then if she doesnt want help, she cant be helped. Hopefully there will come a day when she is ready to ask for help, cos like everyone said, she could die and thats pretty terrifying.

Whats equally outrageous is that your Dad would have the cheek to blame you! Thats an evil thing to say, and I hope that you know its total bulls**t!! As if it is your fault. Thats just ridiculous! And the fact your parents never did anything about all of this years ago, I find incredible. You and your sister must have both been suffering horribly for years. You having to run away because of it all is heartbreaking. I am not surprised your angry hun, I feel bloody angry for you. I have a really unsympathetic Dad myself who would think nothing of getting hammered, passing out wherver and then waking up to be violently s* and not giving a toss about me. I grew up so so terrified. Eben when he had a bug or whatever he used to ridicule me. I know thats nothing in comparison to what youre going through, but I do know what its like to have an unsympathetic father.

If I was you, I would just grit my teeth and save every damn penny I could and just keep myself focused on how great its going to be to get out of there. You deserev a better life than this, and that fact you will have done it all on your own will be even sweeter!! Just try and stay strong, youre clearly a pretty strong person already, so look to the future...

Were here anytime you need us.

(((hugs))) Ally xxx

[duskandsummer]

well my parents have done a lot to try and help her. she's been in treatment facilities, in and out of hospital for the past few years...

What's really ironic is my dad finally kicked her out of home 3 days ago :O He found out she'd been stealing money off my younger brother. So yeah i'm feeling less anxious now. Just still recovering from all the stress she has caused lately.I guess my prayers kind of worked, I wasn't praying she'd get kicked out! Just that something would change..Gosh this is a HUGE RELEIF!

[wallflower]

allypally, that doesn't sound like "nothing" to me!

duskandsummer, I really feel for you. About four years ago I had a bulimic friend and for some reason I wasn't really scared to be around her - perhaps because I didn't go to her house much and never saw her do "it", even though she used to do it at school - but if I were still friends with her now, I don't know what I'd do.[img]smileys/smilies_03.gif[/img] If it's any consolation, there's probably less risk of you catching anything from her, but I hope you can both find help somewhere!

The worst thing I have to put up with is my mum's coughing fits, which really freak me out...she coughs really violently at the slightest thing and I have to cover my ears...Edited by: wallflower

[ejb199]

wow - i read all your stories and comments and can see why you guys would have emet. i on the other hand have no reason at all for this crappy phobia.

i know it sounds crap but i kind of envy bulimics a little bit coz at least the condition is recognised by society and is taken seriously. i just dont feel that when i go to the docs and say im petrified of v*ing, then even take me seriously. im so fed up of hearing ut its natural, bodies way of defence blah blah blah! honestly, id rather be bulimic and have the problem the other way round - at least you could eat tons too! so many times i want to stuff my face but emet fear stops me!

that said, it wouldnt be good at all to have a bulimic sister and i really feel for you duskandsummer. xx

[allypally.]

Wallflower, my Dad also has those 'coughing fits'. When I was younger, I also used to have to cover my ears cos he would retch and allsorts. He would over-emphasise EVERYTHING, even burping, so it would sound like he was v*. He still does it even now. It mortifies me, and he repulses me. Luckily I dont have to be around him very much anymore. He even tells me his drunk t* u* stories cos he thinks its hillarious, even though he knows im an emet and had 9 nervous breakdowns!!

ejb, I know what you mean about us not being recognised. First time I said it to a doctor out loud, he laughed. People either dont understand us at all, or say ' I dont like it either'!! . Its a tough World!! I went through a stage from when I was about 16 to 18 where I would starve myself for days, and then binge eat. I would eat anything I could get my hands on and stuff it in my mouth as fast as I could. Hard to believe isnt ot! But I obvioulsy never v* cos I was an emet. Hows that for crazy!! lol.

xxxx

[teh folder]

My word I feel for you.
Your sister has a serious condition that basically can, (and most likely will,) kill her.
That is her problem though, you are in no state to help her out - do not try.
(She may retaliate and use your fear against you.)

Your parents seem blissfully unaware of what your condition is. Be respectful towards them, but realize they may not provide good/educated help.
(Especially if they are letting their other daughter go untreated for Bulimia... [img]smileys/smilies_05.gif[/img] )

Because your in such a jam, - all I really can say is educate yourself with two helpful facts:

1: Your sister's "waste" is not going to contain germs that will make you sick. Unless she has the "Intestinal Flu," Gastroenteritis.

2: Even if she has Gastroenteritis, you need to come into contact with her, (usually before "flu" symptoms,) to get it.