V* and sexual arousal

[kellybean]

Hi Marsie, sorry for being judgemental. I'm ignorant about your situation, and I will read up about it so I can understand it. I really hope you can find the help you need here, it is a very supportive group!!

[Galadriel]

I'm no therapist, but think about the saying "there's a fine line between love and hate." I think it's sort of the same idea, because I think fear and pleasure probably cause our chemicals in our brains to react similarly. Like if you're being sexually stimulated, it sort of feels like the gradual build up of a panic attack. Same idea, only different. So, as much as we fixate on vomiting and our fears, I guess it wouldn't be surprising to let our obsession of it to go in a different direction--excitement. The adrenaline rush. Am I making any sense? That's just my theory anyway. What sayeth Sage? (who's a real therapist)

Yeah that makes sense to me, thats kind of what I was trying to get across. I think there could be a definate connection there, and that the 2 aren't very far from each other.

[sage]

...I hope Marsie returns to read how quickly we can re-form into community on this board.


if she doesn't, it was a good learning experience for everyone.


as for the "crossed wires" question - yes, just about anything can happen in our brains. Brains are the most complicated and intricate single thing in the entire universe!

[jodi054]

welcome !!! [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[jandub]

I can completely see where Marsie is coming from. Now, I can't get aroused from v* per se, but I can see how someone could and here's why....to me, v* is the ultimate losing of control. Its the ultimate vulnerability. So when my hubby does it, that is the only time I see him in that light, because he is a manly man and doesn't often come across to me that way. I mean, he's very sensitive to me and sweet, but you know what I mean. So I guess its kind of like bondage in a way. Its a turn-on for some to have their partners tied up and unable to have any control, and I can relate to that because I love tying my hubby up. He can't do anything and I like that feeling of control. I don't know, maybe I'm far off here, but I can correlate the two, or understand anyway how someone could. I love seeing him vulnerable and lose control because it never happens otherwise. Turning that into something sexual seems natural to me. Having said that, I don't happen to, but completely understand why you would. So welcome Marsie, and thank you for the courage to post that! Janna

[jandub]

Oh, and one more thing Marsie, I promise you that you are not the only one with phillia AND phobia. You are not a freak, and we're here to support you and each other! Janna

[angel13]

marsie, welcome to the forums! Your post fascinated me, to be honest, because I CAN see where you are coming from. For me itsnot a turn on, or anything sexually arousing, but I'm sure I have an unnatural fascination with the idea of people "throwing up". Its difficult to explain! Perhaps its because you despise the act so much yourself, seeing or thinking about someone else doing it instead is satisfying. Or something. I know I'm a little like that. Ugh, like I said - its so hard to explain without sounding too weird, lol!!


Anyway, I do hope you hang around here! [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[daffodil]

Welcome Marsie, and thanks for sharing your story. I hope you stick around.[img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[gumdropper1]

Marsie, It happens that the first person I ever communicated with in the emet world was both emetophobic and emetophilic. I tried to help her with her emet but don't know that I ever said anything to help her with her emetophilia. This was before there were any emet lists and before I wrote the Emetophobia FAQ. She briefly joined one of the emet lists a few years later. I don't think I've heard from her in 8 years.


Here is part of what she said in an exchange with another emetophile on Usenet (LOL, anyone remember Usenet?). At least it should convince you that you're not the only one and that other women emets have had the same feelings as you. Doug


***THE FOLLOWING IS GRAPHIC ***


**It was written in 1996 by a female college student in response to someone else on a Usenet group with a vomit fetish (emetophilia).**


every time i
imagine someone throwing up (and get off on it sexually), i always
imagine that i will get my karma delivered back to me by having a
vomiting attack of my own...scary...but still fantasize about lovers
puking all the time...


i wonder what makes us fear vomiting so much if we actually find it
attractive to watch lovers puke. i think [the] comparison of vomiting and
orgasms very interesting...yet why do i welcome orgasms (in lovers and
myself) yet welcome vomiting in lovers and fear vomiting myself? also,
sexual arousal and orgasms are pleasurable from the first tinge to the
climax..otherwise we would want to stop the behavior that arouses us in
the first place...maybe the period after throwing up feels like a relief,
but i don't think that anyone could say that nausea felt good, or that if
they had a choice to continue feeling nauseous in order that they could
vomit, they would rather continue the cycle of sickness than order a
complete cessation of the feelings of nausea.



i think it definitely cemented in early childhood...i always "got off" as
a child by imagining my favorite little friends (both male and female)
throwing up...but i wonder what pivotal experience shaped my own
obsession, what triggered it first? I don't recall throwing up until i
was six, and by then i already had an intense fear of it (myself) and an
attraction to it (in terms of other people).


do you throw up often? (i don't). do you think that has something to do
with it? do your girlfriends know of your fetish? i think i would rather
eat a sneaker than tell my boy of this fixation. he hates to puke too.
but he also doesn't like watching others puke.


**The abovewas written in 1996 by a female college student in response to someone else on a Usenet group with a vomit fetish (emetophilia).**Edited by: gumdropper1

[japa]

Marsie may not come back and post again - too bad.


I myself have a fetish, though it is not a vomit fetish, so I have read a lot about fetishes. All of those who have said that being both afraid of vomit and fearing it at the same time is definitely within the realm of possibility are, of course, exactly right.


I know that I'm not the only emetophobe with the particular fetish that I have. And I'm sure that there are emetophobes with any number of different sexual fetishes. I'd almost bet that those who responded negatively to Marsie don't have a sexual fetish themselves; of course, I could be wrong, but I just expect that those with fetishes are more open minded to others who have them and can understand more about how they develop. Edited by: japa

[princessmel]

Welcome to the site Marsie. I'm sorry you are going through this. We are here to help you. I've read up on the "philia" side of it and can understand why you might feel the way you do. A lot of philias have been phobic of vomit. To some extent, in my opinion, being phobic of this is also being an philiac too b/c we obsess about it too much. For example, when we see vomit on the street, we don't turn away. We look at it. If we were so grossed out, we wouldn't look at all. It's like we're curious in a way. Welcome Marsie.[img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[gumdropper1]

Bump!

I thought I would bump this since there's a new thread going on about emetophilia. I remembered this one from a few years ago.

[prncesspnk]

wow, i feel so terrible that some people treated her so badly, especially
on this site since we all understand what it's like to not be understood or
believed. anyway, i actually think it makes sense that in some cases
emetophilia and emetophobia go hand in hand. i mean, most of us are
intrigued when other people v* (even though we're disgusted and
horrified at the same time).

[allypally.]

I agree, I read what some of the others posted and felt horrifed and ashamed!! Were supposed to be a network of people who are here to help and support each other, and not to judge. After all, we are all different and have our own coping mechanisms. Im assuming that poor girl never came back, but can we blame her?? I think so many of us have been judged as wierdos and freaks, some of us have been laughed at and ridiculed too. For that reason, we should never treat others that way when they have a problem and have the courage to confess it. Treat people how you want to be treated, thats the motto I live my life by.

I also can understand how it goes hand in hand. I dont really find it that strange. I can honestly say I have nevr felt aroused by it, but when my boyfriend gets sick, I do feel full of adrenaline (from fear) but also proud of him (cos hes brave!!) and very protective (cos I wanna look after him). So really it kinda makes sense.

I remember having an expereince as a child (that had nothng to do with v*) and I was absolutely terrified. I realised I was also hugely turned on, even thought I was really really scared. Now as an adult, I find if Im watching a horror film that really scares me, I get horny!! Wierd, I know!! lol.

Just thought Id share that!! lol [img]smileys/smilies_09.gif[/img]

[SimplyMe]

Wow, I can't imagine. Fearing it is hard enough on its own. I can see how it could happen tho, we all seem to have a morbid obsession with it in some form or another. How many posts have said "i didn't want to look but I had to." It makes sense in its own way. I'm sorry you're going thru this and hope you find support here.

[musicmaam]

Prncesspnk and allypally, I'm glad there are people like you on these boards! I had a different username before the site crashed for awhile, and I too was horrified by what some people wrote to marsie. It's not really surprising that she left, but thank goodness some people tried to be kind. (We used to have some real humdingers on here...) [img]smileys/smilies_12.gif[/img]

[SimplyMe]

Prncesspnk and allypally, I'm glad there are people like you on these boards! I had a different username before the site crashed for awhile, and I too was horrified by what some people wrote to marsie. It's not really surprising that she left, but thank goodness some people tried to be kind. (We used to have some real humdingers on here...) [img]smileys/smilies_12.gif[/img]

I can see your point on this but I can also understand the sketicism, it isn't something that one would immediately expect to have paired together and because of some of the "imposters" we've had on here that terrorized the boards I think sometimes a knee jerk reaction kicks in and a sort of protection of our members takes over. I dont think anyone said anything to be cruel, I think they were just looking out for the ones already here. That it was inaccurate and scared someone off is very unfortunate and hopefully she will come back.

[musicmaam]

SimplyMe, you could be right. I just think it's usually safer and kinder to live by an "innocent until proven guilty" idea, and it's not like she ran in and posted a bunch of disturbing pictures or anything - she simply asked for help. But I did see cruelty in the responses. I think I might just be a bit too sensitive to it, though!

[SimplyMe]

No, you're right, I prefer the "innocent til proven guilty" perspective as well. I can just understand why some would be weary because of past morons that have made for mistrust of those sincerely seeking help.

Theres nothing wrong w/ being sensitive to others. That's actually a trait a lot of people could stand to learn!

[allypally.]

I agree with you both on the 'innocent till proven guilty' thing. But then I have only been a member a few months, and dont know about any of the imposters and what they did to upset everyone in the past. I guess it must have been pretty bad. [img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]

I guess im also quilty of being a little too sensitive and empathic. My boyfriend tells me its actuallu a 'flaw' I have!! lol xxx

[musicmaam]

Hehe, me too allypally. I think I am too sensitive!

[laylamommy]

This post happened before the board was crashed...right?

[prncesspnk]

laylamommy, yes it did.

musicmaam and simplyme, i remember some of the goings-on (like
"impostors" and quarrels and things) from before the site crashed. i
stopped coming here so often before it crashed because of all the
drama. it seems like things have been running pretty smoothly so far
since the site's been back up (knock on wood). hopefully things will stay
this way!

[wackydeli]

I'm pretty surprised to see that some people were so rude, and that there were even ruder impostors on here once! So far this month since I've joined I've seen nothing but nice and understanding and supportive people. Glad things are better!

[grgygrl]

I remember when the hackers posted horrible pictures and stuff but luckily I wasnt on that day and missed them completely. Its too bad that some people find joy and contentment from someone elses issues or problems/fears. [img]smileys/smilies_07.gif[/img]

[tristanne]

not quite sure how to begin here... but hey, I was doing some late-night browsing, came across this forum, came across this post and joined on the instant because you'll probably all think I'm crazy or an imposter or something (the reason I have no details or icon is because I'm determined to get this out now) - but I promise I'm not, I'm just another nauseated walker of the earth who, through the glory of the internet, has discovered that I'm not alone in what I always thought was my bizarre fear.

I'm tempted to delete this all now and just keep browsing onwards because of the cruel reception you afforded Marsie of '06, but maybe I can justify her a little by confessing to understanding and at the same time, being completely confused by her dilemma.

An irritatingly persistent (and equally undiagnosable) illness whose only symptom is frequent bouts of nausea is what drew me to look for some kind of cure - for the sickness, or the phobia. I now know that I've been emetophobic since a young age, since I refused to travel in the car with my prone-to-travel-sickness brother; since a variety of other colourful barriers in life. There was no traumatic beginning (at least, none I can remember) - but as a child (and still to some small extent today) my first experiences of sexual arousal were in response to the thoughts or nausea, vomiting or stomach pain. I know. It's almost insane. I am ashamed, embarrassed, and I wish beyond anything that I understood it.

This is the first time in my entire life that I've confessed this, so please don't run at me with pitchforks. I'm not looking for sympathy or quick cures, I just want to let you guys know that it's weird, but it exists. And I'm so happy that I know at least one other person in the world knows what its like.

My theory at the moment is that my guilt reaction to having such a weird childhood fetish spawned my phobia, and anxiety relating to my phobia spawned my current illness.

wow, long post. I'm sorry. I'm just kind of desperate to get that out there. Man, it's 12.47am and I have an exam at nine tomorrow morning, so I'm off to bed. Catch you all later.

and thanks for listening, btw. <3

[x hannah x]

*Hands in the air, pitchfork free*

I'm disgusted with the way Marsie was treated a couple of years ago too, and I'm glad someone has turned up who seems willing to talk about the whole confusing thing and who we have not yet scared away.

I'm hoping the mods will keep an eye on this so no one gets nasty, but we're mostly a good bunch here.

I get the obesession with v*, I totally get it, it doesn't approach arousal with me but I can understand it, maybe especially with something we fear. We watch scary films, we go on roller coasters, its all about the adrenaline rush.

I hope you stay around tristanne

Also, the exam in the morning - not A-levels was it? I'm in the middle of those.

[cashcarstar]

Yeah I can't believe people were so cruel. I can't say I have the same experience but that doesn't make your experience any less important.

[musicmaam]

Welcome tristanne! I'm so glad you're willing to give these boards a chance even after reading the 2006 fiasco.

Thank you for sharing your story. I also understand the "obsession" part, as I'm sure most or all of us do - the "I want to look away but I can't" feeling and the continual playing over of memories, sights, and sounds, tastes and smells, in our minds. It's easy to see how it could lead from an obsession to a fetish, but I believe that both are overcome-able!!

[img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

[wackydeli]

Even when I first read Marsie's post (before reading all the back lash that followed) my first reaction wasn't disgust but fascination. As if emetophobia and emetophilia aren't complex enough on their own, I can't imagine what a struggle it must be like to have them both at the same time.

Having a fetish for something that terrifies you doesn't seem entirely far-fetched to me. Fear and pleasure can really induce the same reactions in people if you think about it.

But anyway, LoL. I just feel terrible that so many people with "strange" fears as well as fetishes are made to feel uncomfortable for what they are. You shouldn't have to feel ashamed and embarrassed about your own situation, tristanne. I'm so glad you shared this with us, and I hope it helped you get some sense of relief from getting it off your chest!