Wow, I can't imagine. Fearing it is hard enough on its own. I can see how it could happen tho, we all seem to have a morbid obsession with it in some form or another. How many posts have said "i didn't want to look but I had to." It makes sense in its own way. I'm sorry you're going thru this and hope you find support here.
\"As soon as you trust yourself,you will know how to live.\"
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
\"Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight.\"
Benjamin Franklin