not quite sure how to begin here... but hey, I was doing some late-night browsing, came across this forum, came across this post and joined on the instant because you'll probably all think I'm crazy or an imposter or something (the reason I have no details or icon is because I'm determined to get this out now) - but I promise I'm not, I'm just another nauseated walker of the earth who, through the glory of the internet, has discovered that I'm not alone in what I always thought was my bizarre fear.

I'm tempted to delete this all now and just keep browsing onwards because of the cruel reception you afforded Marsie of '06, but maybe I can justify her a little by confessing to understanding and at the same time, being completely confused by her dilemma.

An irritatingly persistent (and equally undiagnosable) illness whose only symptom is frequent bouts of nausea is what drew me to look for some kind of cure - for the sickness, or the phobia. I now know that I've been emetophobic since a young age, since I refused to travel in the car with my prone-to-travel-sickness brother; since a variety of other colourful barriers in life. There was no traumatic beginning (at least, none I can remember) - but as a child (and still to some small extent today) my first experiences of sexual arousal were in response to the thoughts or nausea, vomiting or stomach pain. I know. It's almost insane. I am ashamed, embarrassed, and I wish beyond anything that I understood it.

This is the first time in my entire life that I've confessed this, so please don't run at me with pitchforks. I'm not looking for sympathy or quick cures, I just want to let you guys know that it's weird, but it exists. And I'm so happy that I know at least one other person in the world knows what its like.

My theory at the moment is that my guilt reaction to having such a weird childhood fetish spawned my phobia, and anxiety relating to my phobia spawned my current illness.

wow, long post. I'm sorry. I'm just kind of desperate to get that out there. Man, it's 12.47am and I have an exam at nine tomorrow morning, so I'm off to bed. Catch you all later.

and thanks for listening, btw. <3