Stories of how we got Emetophobia

[susie_q]

Wow, I can so relate and understand where you are coming from. If you want to be a mother so badly then you should do it. I am a mother of one and never v* while pregnant or since having her. I was very n* during the first trimester, but never actually got sick. And, my daughter is 10 and has had 2 sv's and I never caught either of those. Being a mother is hard sometimes, but it is so rewarding. I can't imagine my life without my family. Don't let this phobia take away your dreams.

[taylor08]

I don't even know how I got it but I think I got it when I was 5 or 6 and I v* on the carpet in my mom's room and she got mad at me. I might have had it before that but I can't remember. I guess I'll never know. [img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]

[mxw08]

I've only been sick and thrown up twice in my life. First in kindergarten and then on Halloween in the third grade. I haven't thrown up since then. After the kindergarten thing I had no real fear of it, because on the third grade incident I wasn't afraid that I would throw up at all. That experience wasn't even particularly bad. After the first time I just dealt with it. But for some reason I'll never know ever since then I've been completely terrified of other people, but above all myself, throwing up.

[itbrachiebby]

Heres my story.btw im only 13.
well when i was in 7th grade and im in 8th right now i had ate cafeteria food and got food poisioning and i had an ache in my stomach an headache after 7th period and my friends mom picked me an her up 4rm school an i really didnt feel good at this point an we had to sit in fsu for like 40 minutes an i drunk some sprite and felt like i was goin to V**** so i tried to ask where the bathroom was an they didnt know so i basically V****ed everywhere and then when they dragged me over to the bathroom i didnt have to V**** anymore and after that i went home and kept V*****ing like 5 times and after i felt better i went back to school and i had a stomach ache so i went to the bathroom an started cryin kuz i thought i was gonna V**** but i didnt so i called home an told my parents to pick me up and every since then ive been terrified and it suckks. and the thing is i thought it was normal at first to be scared but i told my friend an she laughed said why are you scared an i asked few people and they said im not scared an i was like what the crap an so one of my friends said theres such thing as emetphobia an so i searched an found this place...and im glad i did :]

[wackydeli]

I've always felt like this, and I've always been treated like an irrational freak because of it. I plug my ears, I sleep in the basement when my sister even so much as mentions her stomach is upset, and I can still remember everyone who v* in the first grade and what month and under what circumstances it happened. If someone v* in elementary school, the teacher would usually have to be hugging and consoling me as I cried uncontrollably rather than helping the kid who was s*.

I've also always had a sensitive stomach, but only in this past year have I been have major problems with it in regards to my phobia. Everything makes me n*: when I'm stressed I feel n*, and then that makes me even more stressed, and then even more n*. It's gotten to a point where I feel n* everyday. It's keeping me at home and from doing a lot of things, even going to school. I start an internship soon but I'm worried that I won't be able to do it because of this.

I'm also starting to just feel disgusted at having a body. I can't stand my stomach, I can't stand my intestines, or my bladder. I begin to feel n* even because of normal bodily functions, like having to use the bathroom or eating. I often feel hungry and n* at the same time.

I'm going to doctors, but according to them there is physically nothing wrong. I'm almost certain it's because of my anxiety and stress at home, with my phobia piled on.

The worst part is that this is something I have control over, and yet have no control over. It's my body and my stomach, but I have no idea what it'll do when I feel s*. I haven't v* in years, and even then I wouldn't do it often, so I never really knew what it felt like to do it and would just get s* suddenly. Now when I feel n* I'm constantly afraid that it's just going to come out of nowhere and that frightens me more than anything.

I'm worried about my future. There's the issue of having children, and getting a job, and just being out in the world. It's everywhere, I'm constantly on the look out for it, and I can't rest.

I'm also starting to feel as though I'd rather be dead than have to spend the rest of my life feeling like this. I know that sounds melodramatic, and I really don't want to be dead, but I just hate feeling like this and I really feel as though it is destroying my life and my future.

I just hope I can find some support here, and maybe can start to overcome this.Edited by: wackydeli

[misskasia21]

*Warning: Graphic*

I became emetophobic at a young age. I'm not sure what started it, but I remember a few incidents in my early childhood that stick out related to vomiting.

The first time I remember being really scared of it was when I was about 4. I had eaten a hot dog and I started saying things that made no sense. My mother recognized that I was nauseous and she put a pot in my lap. I vomited into it and was mortified when I recognized the hot dog and all its toppings. It was painful, gross and I have not since eaten relish.

By the time I was 6, I had developed full blown emetophobia. I had a stomach ache every morning and didn't want to go to school. I don't know why, but I had just developed a severe anxiety about school. I didn't want to throw up there or see anyone else throw up so I was constantly nauseous from anxiety around it.

At age 7, my mom went out and left me alone at home. I had the stomach flu at the time, but had not vomited. just felt like it. And I was watching TV and waiting for her to come home. I was watching the movie "stand by me" and any emetophobe knows THAT MOVIE is NOT a good one to watch. I had never seen it and when the vomit part came I had my very first full blown panic attack. But my mom was out so I was alone and scared and crying. After that, my emetophobia got 10X worse.

From then on a maintained a high fear and anxiety level. By age 11 I was agoraphobic and had panic attacks. By age 14 I was also anorexic. I wouldnt eat because I was afraid I would be sick.

As the years have passed it has gone up and down as far as my ability to cope with it.

I had a daughter at 17 and I kept her until she was 4. At that time I was so damned tired and stressed from wondering when she would throw up on me, and I was so anorexic that I gave her to my mom. She has been living with her since. If I feel sick or if she feels sick, I cancel visits with her. I refuse to have her here with me for the simple fact that she is still young enough that she might throw up on or near me and need my help.

I am now 27 years old and I am still scared. I have vomit nightmares that wake me in the night. I am nauseous all the time. I am addicted to gravol. I am afraid and have a panic attack after every single meal. I don't want to travel. I dont want to touch public things. I am almost suicidal because this "life" i am living is NO LIFE at all. its a existence, filled with fear.

I need help. Please someone help me.</font>

[dalton]

When I joined this site, I didn’t expect to be posting a lot. I didn’t expect to find people who suffer the same as I do, or totally understand what it is I suffer from. I can’t tell you how glad I am to have been wrong.

Unlike most of you, I didn’t become an emet as a child. To the contrary, I was quite normal up until I was 17. At this age I made the decision to move to Texas with a friend, over 1500 miles away from my hometown and my friends and family. My mom and sister opted to drive me there, since they wanted to take a scenic vacation along the eastern and southern coasts, which was fine with me. Everything was fine until the second day into the trip. I was suddenly a rabid claustraphobe, trapped in a car on a highway for hours on end, going to a place I’ve never been so far away from home. I guess the full scope of what was happening finally hit me and I was scared, more scared than I’d ever been in my whole life. Of course, I didn’t realize it at the time, and discounted the anxiety and nausea as a side-effect of being nervous.

For six months after moving to TX, I was agoraphobic. Riding in cars horrified me. When I finally overcame that (thanks to a friend who never relented), I felt like I was starting to get my life back to normal. I could drive places, be around people and generally be happy. Two years later I moved back home. The ride back was torture; I was dizzy, nauseous and anxious the whole way and it didn’t subside at all when I arrived. Despite being back in familiar surroundings, every day was still an obstacle. Its pretty much been that way ever since, and I’m 26 now. Of course, it comes in waves, as I’m sure it does for all of you, too. Some days are fine and some are terrible.

Also unlike most of you, I’m not afraid of seeing the V. I am, however, afraid of being near it, or of Ving myself. I will do whatever it takes to avoid someone if I think they’re sick and I carry sanitizer with me everywhere I go. I won’t eat in public places or put myself in situations involving large groups of people. I’ve developed contingency plans for everything and *always* carry a cold bottle of water with me (kinda like a security blanket...one of many). I live in TN now and have cancelled trips back home to visit family because I’m afraid I may get sick, and my husband sometimes gets frustrated when we can’t go out and do things as normal people because of this fear. I’ve even considered not having kids because of this. BUT I look at everyday as a challenge that I intend on surviving, so I'm getting better at it.

[duskandsummer]

I can't pin-point exactly when my fear started. Early on in child hood. When I was a very young baby I had something wrong with me and I couldn't keep food down, I'd projectile vomit up milk and couldn't put weight on .I don't remember this at all as I would've been under one year old. When I was younger if my sister and I got the tummy bug, it was the worst thing in the world to me. For some reason my sis Beth didn't seem to phase her much at all. I remember my parents actually commenting on how she was a real mess when she was sick, she'd throw up all over the furniture and i'd at least try to make it to the bathroom in time.I'd be praying to God 'PLEASE, please don't let me be sick!'.And if I at all felt ill I'd stop eating immediately. And days after being ill I'd hardly eat. I was one skinny kid that's for sure!

Once when I was about eleven I had been feeling sick all day and I was in the store with mum . I kept telling her I wish she'd hurry up cos I felt really sick. Suddenly I felt it, i was going to be sick and I raced outside and v*** in the carpark garden. I don't think anyone saw me but it was so humiliating and I felt disguisting. I since then feared v*** in public places. While all my friends were out getting drunk when I was 15,16 I wasn't, mostly because of fear of being sick.I started drinking when I was 17 and I have been drunk quite a lot of times since then and only been sick once off wine (terrible terrible, on christmas night). Seeing others be sick when you're drunk yourself isn't bad. I've been drunk once since that incident over last christmas (I wasn't sick this time). In general I've given up on drinking anyway.

One of my biggest problems over the years has been dealing with my sisters bulimia. When I was about 16 or so I went into the bathroom to brush my teeth and the sink smelt like v***...sure enough there was a v*** ring around it. My heart started pounding and I was sweating, I raced out of there quick and was screaming and swearing at mum “she puked in the goddam sink!!!”. Mum confronted her and this continued to happen over weeks. The toilet ALWAYS smelt like it and I was afraid to use it so I just gave up on eating to be out of there quick as possible. My weight did plummet, much to my sisters dismay because I was getting very thin and she thinks its a competition? One day the shower smelt like spew I swore at my sister and we got in this huge fight, I was so mad cos mum wasn't defending me she was totally on my sisters side. And mum told me off. I left the house and ran blocks away to find some solace. Back in those days I hung out with a lot of bad people and smoked a fair bit of weed just to calm me down , those were the only friends I had and atleast it got me out of the house away from my bulimic sister. The worst part is my sister and I had to share a room and it started to smell like v*** in there. Mum found BAGS of v*** in our room.I moved in with my asshole dad shortly after that. I was so ANGRY and hated my mum for not putting her in the mental ward. Dad wanted to get her committed too but mum always fought against it. My sister got slightly better a couple of years later and put on some weight (she got down to 35 kilos at one point and nearly died, and as spiteful as this was, at the time I wished she would die). So I lived with dad since until I moved out of home for half a year...then back home again (where my sister resides currently cos my mum took off to live in the states).


It's scary for me daily going into the bathroom... When I can save up and move out again I can't wait. It's scary for me just leaving the house..panicky about the scary guys I will run into. I am tired of being scared. </font></font></font>Edited by: duskandsummer

[oana1979]

*Graphic*


I remember this one time when me (I was about 5) and my family had dinner with some of our relatives at their house. Their neighbor/friend came by and she was kinda drunk. Anyway, they sitted her at the table and, at some point, her head just fell on the plate in front of her. My grandma grabbed me and got me out of the room in a hurry. My mom came after us and asked her why she did that and my grandma replied "she can't see this". And from then on, this was the sad truth... The first time I actually had a panic attack due to emetophobia I was 7. Me, my mom and my step dad went on vacation and my mom got really sick. She was just lying in bed, in our hotel room and v*ing in a bucket from time to time. I was outside and when I went to the room to get something, she started to blame me for not being there for her when she was sick. In about 2 minutes, she said "oh, I'm going to v* again" and I immediately tried to leave, but she said "you're staying here"... I looked away, but all I wanted was to just get out of my own skin somehow and run away... This was it for me.

[bigemet]

*Graphic*


I remember this one time when me (I was about 5) and my family had dinner with some of our relatives at their house. Their neighbor/friend came by and she was kinda drunk. Anyway, they sitted her at the table and, at some point, her head just fell on the plate in front of her. My grandma grabbed me and got me out of the room in a hurry. My mom came after us and asked her why she did that and my grandma replied "she can't see this". And from then on, this was the sad truth... The first time I actually had a panic attack due to emetophobia I was 7. Me, my mom and my step dad went on vacation and my mom got really sick. She was just lying in bed, in our hotel room and v*ing in a bucket from time to time. I was outside and when I went to the room to get something, she started to blame me for not being there for her when she was sick. In about 2 minutes, she said "oh, I'm going to v* again" and I immediately tried to leave, but she said "you're staying here"... I looked away, but all I wanted was to just get out of my own skin somehow and run away... This was it for me.

Wow, that sounds harsh!! I can totally see how that could give you this phobia [img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]

[bigemet]

I forgot to mention that eventhough I didn't get sick that much myself as a child, i witnessed a lot of other people v-ing. Almost every week someone got sick near me. On the streets, on a bus (especially buses traveling somewhere far like the country) etc.

I remember this particular incident that gave me the creeps even b4 i noticed that i had a real phobia. When I was like 10 or 11, there were some family friends who were also our neighbors. I happened to come across one of the ladies in that family coming out of a taxi and being helped inside the apartment by her sisters. She looked like she could barely walk or be upright, she was kind of doubled over. I was with my best friend at that time who is a relative of that family. So we followed the sick woman into the apartment. At this point, I had no idea that she might throw up. As we get inside, she aims for the bathroom, leans over the toilet and I heard a "splash!" I wasnt even sure what it was..then realized she was gettin sick..it creeped me out. She did "splash!" a few more times. I left the place coz I felt so creeped out, my heart was racing. Still I hadn't developed a full phobia at that time. But, it's definitely one of the incidents that got etched in my memory [img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]

The woman turned out to have appendicitis! Since then i've been afraid of appendicitis too.

[lisalisa13green]

Woops. Put this on the wrong thread sorry guys.[img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

(Graphic-Lots of Episodes) There are a few more than these that I have recalled since typing this up as well. Just not listing em.

After a lot of talking and soul searching as to wear my fear of vomit came from, I believe that it may have started when I was 4 years old. I was in a horrible horrible car accident with my older sister, my older brother, and two cousins. My older 15 year old cousin was driving and at some point he lost control and flipped we flipped over upside down in a canal. My favorite 11 year old cousin, Tracy, was killed in this accident. I do not remember this but my older sister says that she and my 15 year old cousin had both thrown up and we were stuck in the car for over an hour until a man found us and called the police... I think I mainly started to notice EXTREME discomfort in the though of myself or others vomiting around the time that Junior High Hit. I know that before then I had had several experiences with it already..... I remember one in 4th grade where our desks were in a horse shoe shape and out of nowhere a boy across from me threw up on the floor. Also, another time in approximately 5th grade I was out playing on the swings with some of my friends and then one of my guy friends quit swinging, moved over by a pole, and threw up his chili burrito lunch that we had just eaten. I remember being disgusted by both of these episodes and I slighty remember a teeny pinge of anxiety..... In Junior High I had several other episodes, I don't know if I can recall all of them. One of them involved our volleyball coach getting sick on the way back from a game that we had played in a city about 30 minutes from outs. Another one involves hearing huge screams in a class room right next to mine and then finding out it was someone that had thrown up all over. Another one involves my family and I going to a Dinner Theatre. It was an all you can eat thing and then you see a play afterwards. Well, we were sitting in the back of the theater and all of the sudden a guy got up in the row across the isle from us and hurried past everyone's knees as quickly as he could. As soon as he got out of the isle he threw up and it splashed on my brother's friend and we could smell it on the ride home not to mention for the rest of the play and I was just stuck there for another hour and a half. In High School I remember a classmate running out of my Spanish class and vomiting all over the floor just outside. Also, we had a girl on our volleyball team my Senior year that would throw up before each game because of some odd medical condition and I saw her do that each time. In high school I discovered alcohol and became a true and blue alcoholic by the time I was a Senior in High school. I found that when I was drinking that I did not care at all about people vomiting. Heck I would hold their hair for them and saw plenty of it with all the partying that I did..... When it became legal for me to drink I actually quit drinking myself cause I was so sick of hangovers and throwing up myself and I realized that it was self destructive so I stopped.....

Since then I have seen several piles of vomit in the road, I have seen people throwing up on the side of the road on 4 different occasions, two of those just being in the last year. This last year has been complete hell for me. I feel like I am a magnet for vomit and my sister even jokes and says I have barfokinesis. lol I have been seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist for the last 15 months. I am extremely sensitive to medication so we are having trouble finding an antidepressent that works right for me without too many side effects for my OCD. Another episode that happened exactly a year ago was in a movie theater, even though I was always nervous about moving theaters (needing to sit near exits, watching to make sure people don't act ill) I still would see movies here and there. I have

[socitycourty]

Ok here it goes.
I got emet about 8 years ago. I was working at night and I brought a frozen Celeste pizza for my dinner. After I ate it I felt ok for a while...I kept burping and stuff but not a big deal.
I went home and went to bed, and then in the middle of the night I woke up violently, feeling s*. I ran down to my parents' room (I still lived at home) and woke my mom up because I was crying and freaked out. I think what was so scary was the fact that I was sleeping.
Anyway she made me go in the bathroom and I v*. not once but 3 times altogether. It was awful....

GRAPHIC

It tasted so gross...and came out my nose. It was so nasty. Ever since then, I have had this phobia.
My therapist told me it was because I was "sensitized" to v*ing.
I can understand that. Anyway, my life has pretty much been clouded by it ever since. I get so frustrated and feel despair sometimes. I'm always thinking that I feel n*, and most of it is the fake n*.
I feel like I am held back from so many things now. I won't eat a lot of things, I don't like to eat out, I have panic disorder...it is terrible.

[alpha1]

My story is a little strange... I have to tell you that when I was a kid, it was all opposite... I remember the times when I v*d, but I wasn't afraid at all... I remember back then when I was even laughing after vomiting I can remember exactly the days when I was a baby... I was being sick one day when I was in my grandparent's village not far from my city... I was feeling sick and I was sitting on a bed... I puked alot there... then I didn't cry, didn't panic... just sat there watching, I can also remember the same thing happened again at the same place but, I don't really remember... Later on, after a few more years (I may have been 4, 5, or 6 at that time) I was in my half-brother's former car, he drove it, my mom sat in front near him, and his ex-girlfriend sat near me in the back (I was in the left side)... At that time, I didn't feel anything bad at all, I was just minding my business, I held my head down, looking on my seat in the left side, and suddenly I burped HARD and a bit of vomit came out of my mouth, my brother's ex said (He threw up!) They were all worried there for a while... but at the same time, I was laughing!!! I cannot believe it now in the present... I was so courageous that I was actually LAUGHING... I also remember why... It was because I burped and it sounded cool (and also because I never know to burp that loud).... So he stopped the car, we all got out... I asked "why?". My mom said "So that you could finish the rest, and also because you need air"... We just stood there, I was looking at the field, taking some air, and.... that's all.... I wasn't scared of throwing up, but I didn't want this to happen either, so I blamed his car, and told my brother not to drive fast, I was also happy when he swapped his car to a new and better one, I said to myself "no more vomiting, he can now drive as fast as he wants"
That was then... I was a small child, never had trouble with v*ing... as i didn't v* only a very few times in my life... Also as a kid, I didn't have problems AT ALL when I saw other vomiting
I remember in school at the second grade (I was 8 years old) while my teacher taught us in class, we suddenly heard something like someone was spilling water on the floor, when we looked in that direction, we saw one of my colleagues' v* on the floor... "HE PUKED" he was then sent home, and the v* just sat there on the floor, the teacher continued her lessons... none of us had any problems with either the smell or the presence of it... I also remembered exactly when I was 10 years old, I was coming home with my parents, we were in our elevator, while it went up, my mom forces some pie in my mouth, I didn't know what was the rush of making me chew a whole pie we bought from a store... anyways, she put the pie in my mouth and it was a whole lot... I was chewing, and suddenly I puked it all out, but with only a little v*... I laughed, can't remember exactly what I said... it was almost like "I threw up, hehehehehe", my mom was a little angry, I even smelled my fingers... didn't have trouble. So we arrived home, I went to toilet to wash the filth... I looked at the toilet... nothing lol.
Also over an year if I remember exactly, on P.E, one of our colleagues, a girl, felt sick after eating too much, while we jogged, I saw her at the distance crouching near the P.E teacher, when we arrived closer to her, she started v*ing... I didn't like it at that time, so I looked the other way... I was 11
One morning, we were standing in front of the door waiting for the bell to ring and let us in... I was sitting on the stairs and some guy near me ate a big pretzel, I didn't quite pay attention on him, but suddenly he started v*ing alot... even on his hands, damn! when I looked at him... He went home looking down as if he was a zombie! he looked rather calm... After class we saw the janitor cleaning the puke
The very last time I puked, and had no problem about it, I was 10 years.... It was by then, a huge break... didn't even v*, I led a normal life, but I had different phobias... I was

[juliab3]

I do remember being scared of v* until 2nd grade. when i was a little kid i used to MAKE myself v* by sticking my whole fist in my mouth. i started doing this after i saw a boy in wal-mart v* right in front of me and his mom saying oh jimmy not again! i was very interested and started v* on purpose. when i was about 3, i got a terrible stomach virus or food poisoning and was up all night v*ing like every 5 minutes. i remember not being able to make it to the bathroom because i was so little so my mom got towls. she said ok, im gonna be right back mommys gotta pee, then i v*ed in a towl. since then i have been scared of v*.

once in second grade there was this boy who mwas very serious. always knew more than the rest of us. one day we were readign about the war in iraq on the reading time carpet. my teacher was just explaining how soldiers sometimes lose their limbs. the boy said, i have to throw-up. everyone parted like the red sea. i turned around, went into a corner and closed my eyes, and plugged my ears. i was in a panic the whole day.

another time that year in music class, this kid everyone knew as cloby said i gotta puke, and went ot the bathroom, i paniked, but didnt leave the room.

also teh same year, a girl i knew named sammy got sick right behind me, i remember that stuff that makes it smell good and covers it up being on the floor.

in 3rd grade, i drank a bunch of orange juice for breakfast, and my dad tok me to school, just before he turned in to drop me off, i said i dont feel good. idk wha tmade him turn around, maybe it was the look on my face, or his instinct but whatever it was, he turned for home and i got sick in the driveway.

also in third, the experience that effected me most, was when this boy in my class said he didnt feel good. i sat next to him and we accidently brished lips by mistake when i turned around. he got up to ask teh teacher if he could call his mom, and got sick in front of the whole class violently. another girl got sick in a trashcan, and a boy by the teachers desk (hahah).

also in third, i went to the bathroom, and some girl had got sick in there. i asked, whats wrong?
she said im sick
she had a paper towl and was wiping her face
i proceded to the bathroom
she said
i dont think you want ot go in there!!
i moved to another stall
she said i dont think you wanna go in there either!
i just turned and ran
know the reason for me to go to the bathroom? we wer reading "holes" in class and i had seen the movie and i knew that some kid got sick in it. well turns out, i didnt miss that part at all. it was one of the worst days of my life.

i was sick two seperate times after watching narnia for a week each! i never watched narnia again!!! no encounters in the past 3 years!!!(knocks on wood) however, i DID call home every day of the 5th grade. i had panic attacks in all the situations above. i seem to be getting better with age(knocks on wood again), i used to not even be able to look at the words stomach ache with out panicing. all of teh stories above, i have not been able to stop thinking about for weeks!!!

i start school tomorow, im dissopointed and nervous, but super excited! its great to hear your stories!


¢¾¢¾¢¾JULIA¢¾¢¾¢¾Edited by: juliab3

[juliab3]

this is to duskandsummer. i do the exact same thing!!!! i say
dear god please dont let me be sick!!!!
i just repeat it untill i feel better

[moodyspasmodic]

Wow, I have to say that these stories have inspired me and made me feel
so much more normal and accepted.

I am only 16 years old, but this phobia has controlled me for most of my
life (since about 5 years old), and gone through its own ups and downs
that are exhausting, as i'm sure you all know.

i am not sure yet where my phobia came from, but my mother and i think
we have pinpointed one incident in my young years that may have
contributed to it. when i was very little, in kindergarten or first grade, my
father got food poisoning (ironically, the only time he has gotten sick IN
THAT WAY since i have been born, yet i'm still terrified) and i didn't know
what was going on. i remember opening the door and (i'm still not sure if
this was part of my imagination exaggerating the scene) i saw v* on the
walls, and on the mirror, splayed everywhere. my mom was very worried
and made me so scared. he was taken to the hospital and released a few
days later. this was my first medical scare and, to me, it felt like my father
was dying. all i knew was that one minute he was v*ing and the next he
was in the hospital. i think this is why i have always connected v* with
death.

anyway since then my phobia lessened and diminished as i got older.
when i was very little, i would avoid children who i had ever seen throw
up or knew were sick, and not talk to them. i knew i was being cruel but
my phobia took control.

another incident that sticks out in my mind is third grade. there was a girl
in the class who had chronic stomach problems, i guess. she was an
outcast and very sweet but made fun of a lot. i was always compassionate
and wanted to reach out to her and be her friend. BUT she ended up v*ing
four times during the school year and i was petrified of her. she would
call to invite me over and i just ignored her calls. my mother got angry at
me and never understood why i was so mean to her. i wanted so badly to
be nice but couldn't bring myself to go anywhere near her. this depressed
me more than anything.

then, a particular incident i still remember to this day happened. it was
one of those images of v* that stick in your mind for years and years. we
were sitting at a classroom table and the girl sat across from me - she
was laughing and drinking orange juice, and as she laughed, she
suddenly projective v*ed all over the table, even on me. i began to sob
and cry, and my teacher said "stop it! oh, get over it!" it was devastating
and humiliating.

since then my phobia settled down. i had less and less incidents in which
i confronted v* as i grew out of the constantly-sick kid years. I only
joined this site recently because, although this phobia has always been a
part of my life, recently it has taken a huge turn for the worse.

when i got to my first year of high school i got a s*v* in the christmas
months (of course). it was the first time i had v*ed since i was 8 years
old...breaking my record at 7 years. i rediscovered my phobia and it
began to take over me. Then, to add on to the previous trauma, i went to
a monthlong camp over the summer (summer 2008). during camp, a s*v*
swept through my dorm like wildfire. in addition, there was a group of
bulimic girls in my dorm. i felt like i was SURROUNDED by v*!!! i never
ended up getting it, but i spend days curled up in my bed sobbing and
missing class.

since that camp experience my phobia has gotten extreme. recently i
went through my first, real, legitimate breakdown. i guess the anxiety of
my junior year built up in me and blew up in my face as a return to my
old phobic ways. i took two weeks off of school last month because i was
stuck to my bed, convinced i woul

[dubble bubble]

Well, this thread hasn't been posted on in a while, but I feel like telling my story. I don't really mind if anyone reads it -- I just want to let it out.

WARNING: Slightly graphic in some parts!

When I was born, I had some sort of stomach problem. Everything I ate came right back up. My mom eventually began giving me her milk. I actually couldn't even take a bottle or pacifier without throwing up.
Once I was ready to eat solid foods, all I could stomach was lamb, rice, and potatoes. Allergy tests proved I was allergic to an array of foods, including grapes, carrots (uh, don't ask), lactose products, citrus, and dozens of other things.
Still, I threw up nearly every day until I was around four. I began getting regulated, and ate fairly normally. I would catch a stomach bug now and then, but I wasn't any more vulnerable than any other kid. I manage to gain weight (when I was younger I was severely underweight). I'm not sure when I began straying from my strict rice-milk lactose-free plan, but I remember drinking cow milk at my grandmother's and sometimes even at home.
I showed no signs of emetophobia at five or six -- it grossed me out like any kid, but it didn't spin me off into a panic attack like it does now. At seven (I believe), I was diagnosed with bronchitis, and on the way home, I threw up all over my favorite dress. I never wore it again. That might have been a sign -- I never wear the clothes I have been sick in, even if it was, like the comfiest piece of clothing ever. Anyway, throughout the bronchitis, I threw up everything I ate. I mainly drank, and I remember it being about two in the morning, and me drinking some tea and spewing it out onto the floor.
When I was eight, I got a stomach bug. I distinctly remember it -- December 18th. I remember there was a party that day, and I ate some pepperoni pizza and felt fine. I actually felt hungry, and ate dinner and some of those mini muffin things that come in the white and blue or white and brown packs. I remember what was on televison. I remember feeling very discontent and not sure what to do. Then that night I went down to my parent's room, hobbled to my mom's side of the bed, and threw up in a puddle on her floor. Then I threw up sour stomach bile. I went downstairs and watched Pooh Bear -- I remember what they were doing -- with my dad. Throughout that horrible week, I really didn't show deep fear of vomiting -- actually, upon my father's telling me if I drink water it'll come right back up, I took a few large chugs and proved to him I could take it. I would NEVER do that now. However, afterwords, I hated pepperoni pizza. And now 18 is my unlucky number (it's the Jewish lucky number, though -- o-o).
After that stomach bug when I was eight, I survived nearly four years without throwing up. I think during this time I became paralyzed by fear. I survived being nine without many stomachaches, but when I was ten I began getting stomach aches after eating. At eleven, I gained too much weight because I felt fine. I could literally eat a whole steak and four fruit cups without feeling the least bit sick.
But then came August.
I was at my grandparents, and ate so much there. Junk. It felt good to eat it, but then I got home. I ate more. I went downstairs and threw up everywhere. At the time, I hadn't really freaked out about it too much -- I was like, "Hey, I took that pretty well." But now, was time passes, I am haunted by that. After throwing up that time, I haven't been able to eat much, and in the matter of four months I've lost thirty pounds.
Part of it is probably because throwing up is just about the worst thing ever for me. At the moment, my dad has a stomach bug he contracted from his parents during a visit a week or so ago. I'm currently hiding in my bedroom, starving myself, hoping I won't get sick.
In a way I feel lucky I can deal with this fear before I become and adult and need to live in the real world where there is vom

[yourx1nexnxonly]

I've struggled with a fear and anxiety about nausea and vomiting for over 10 years now. I refuse to let it completely run my life. I am now a senior in high school, and I will fight to make my life the best it can be. While learning about phobias in my AP Psychology class, I asked my teacher how to overcome fears effectively. He said slow exposure generally helps. I WILL NOT undergo slow intentional exposure, so he suggested I write about it...and here I am. caution: may be graphic, and I use the real words.

I wasn't afraid of vomiting when I was really young. I remember several instances when it happened and I just let it come. I didn't like the feeling of nausea, but I guess that's true for all of us. I believe my fear began when I was in second grade and caught a stomach virus. I felt an awful feeling, like my stomach was very big and full and I couldn't do anything about it. My parents thought I was constipated, so, the constant believers in old home remedies, they gave me some castor oil! It was the MOST AWFUL stuff ever. The next morning, I woke up and laid in my parents' bed alone while they cooked breakfast. I threw up that morning. I suppose I had a very mild virus, because I only threw up once more after being forced to eat pot roast, green beans, potatoes, and carrots (shudders). I recovered from that virus within 24 hours. That same year, I woke up in the middle of the night and threw up a sub sandwich because I hadn't chewed it well enough. To this day, I feel a little twinge in my stomach when I smell one. I still eat them, but I practically pulverize every morsel before I swallow.

That was the last time I threw up (knock on wood!), and the first time it affected me so badly. I lived through the day of the stomach virus in a fog, but many days afterward were filled with apprehension and fear of potentially vomiting again. From the ages of 7 through 15, I thought nothing about vomiting unless I felt threatened by nausea or eating a strange/excessive combination of foods.

In November of my junior year, I was chosen to fly to Washington, D.C., on a trip for a conference to combat prejudice, racism, and bigotry in today's high schools and communities. During the three-day trip, we had to eat vegetarian. At the trip's conclusion, I unthinkingly ate a McDonald's double cheeseburger, and my stomach totally freaked out! But I didn't vomit. Since then, I find myself increasingly preoccupied with emet feelings, and I have a constant feeling of wanting to run away. I've asked myself, "If God granted me one wish to improve the world, what would I wish for?" One would hope I would wish for an end to hunger, poverty, racism, war, etc (or the cliched world peace...which sounds really good lol)... but sometimes I think I genuinely might wish for the world to be vomit-free. I feel so unbelievably selfish. I alternate between periods of extreme fear/tension, apprehension for when I may potentially vomit (even 10 or 15 years from now), vigilant analysis of everything I eat and where it may have been, and periods of ironic desensitization regarding whatever my stomach decides to do ... all of this within a single day. I feel that I hit my lowest point about two months ago. I was under enormous stress due to upcoming college applications, incredibly strenuous homework assignments, practices for color guard in my school's marching band, working in retail, and trying to cope with my parents' pending divorce. (whew, that's a lot of stress!) I dropped 15-20 pounds in a really short amount of time, and the scary part is that I didn't even realize it until all of my clothes were hanging off of me and my friends started questioning my irregular/almost nonexistent eating habits.

I'VE REALIZED THAT THERE ARE MANY MORE IMPORTANT THINGS OF CONCERN IN LIFE THAN THE SELF-CORRECTING FUNCTIONS THAT ONE PERSON'S STOMACH PERFORMS. There are people who care about me and my well-being, people I don't even know on deep levels who are loo

[xxkatexx]

Warning:graphic!

I'm 14 now and have suffered from emetophobia since I was about 10/11. I have no idea why it started but I can remember when. I had caught a bug from my friend at school and I remember having a fever but not feeling ill until we were watching a film in the afternoon. I felt really dizzy and sick and after the lesson I went to tell my teacher but she was busy talking. I then left the classroom and I remember bending over ready to be sick but nothing came out. I told my teacher I thought I was sick and I stood with my friend in the loo and two girls had to stand outside the door not letting anyone in. But it wasn't till much later that I was ill I woke up in the middle of the night and went to the bathroom but someone was in there and instead of going downstairs I remember trying to call my mum.I felt like I was choking.when my mum came she told me to go downstairs and as I did I started being sick, quite violently many times, all over the stairs, floor and the loo. I remember my parents were running around frantically trying to clean the carpet and I was just sat on my own in the toilet. when I was back at school I kept on having to leave the classroom and sit in the office because i felt sick. I remember feeling more sick in class when we were reading but I was fine when we were talking or i was outside. I couldn't sleep at night because i was scared of being sick. i'm a lot better now but if someone I know gets sick im paranoid about catching it and I don't like going away from home. But it is interfering with my life and I havn't told anyone because I don't think they'd understand.I havn't been sick since I've had emet so I'm really worried I won't be able to cope with it, I can't think of anything worse then being sick.
xxxxxx

[classycaro1]

I don't know how mine began. I think it may have begun days after being born. My mom says that during the first three days of my life I choked the first time I swallowed anything. She seems to think that may have stemmed it, except I didn't show and nervousness about choking. I didn't get particularly scared or anything.

However, she did notice that I seemed to be afraid of EVERYTHING. She could hardly change my diaper because I was afraid of being up-side-down (I actually remember being afraid to get my diaper changed). I was also afraid of the cat and of any loud noises. So I was apparently born with my anxiety disorder.

She also remembers me getting some sort of stomach bug when I was an infant and not being scared at all. We were at Hooters (lol) with my aunt and cousin and apparently I hadn't been feeling very well. My mom noticed that I looked like I was going to v* and rushed me to the bathroom. She said I v*d non-stop until we got home and didn't cry or seem scared once. She said that it was my first stomach problem and that she hadn't been very panicked about it, but my aunt and cousin were freaking out. Perhaps the mixture of my anxiety and their panicked voices some how traumatized me into being afraid to vomit for the rest of my life.

All I know is that I have been afraid to throw up for my entire life, and it is hard to get treatment without knowing why. I went to a cognitive behaviorist guy who wanted to do exposure therapy on me. That didn't work about because he would not accept that vomiting was the worst outcome of my fear. He wanted me to say it was a fear of being vulnerable or of dying or something, which it isn't. I'm strictly afraid of throwing up and going to the hospital because of it. It is unpleasant, I don't like it and it's an unreasonable fear. Needless to say, we didn't get very far. I have struggled with this every single day of my life and it blows.

[classycaro1]

PS- I dropped out of high school because of it and I don't drink or do drugs. I am now at a community college and doing well there with a 4.0 GPA. My emet doesn't affect my school much anymore because I only have 2 hour long classes a day and there's enough time between each of them for me to go home and collect myself.

I do worry about how I'll ever be able to hold a steady job though. But I'm living in the moment and hopefully I will get better some day.

[mint chocolate]

Hi, I'm new.

My fear of vomiting definitely started when I was in preschool. I got the stomach flu and v* over and over again one night. My mom had to put my bedsheets in the washer in the middle of the night. My parents stayed up with me. My mom kept making sure I had something in my stomach (so I wouldn't dry heave, I guess). Everything I had (a little water or toast) came right up. My dad carried me to the bathroom and I remember clenching my lips together to hold it until I got to the toilet but it would ooze out the sides. Me and my mom ended up sleeping next to each other on the floor outside the bathroom, but that was it. I was finished and remember being fine the next morning and even ate breakfast (I wouldn't be able to do that now). But it made a deep impact and I became afraid of watermelon because I had eaten it for the first time that day and assumed I was allergic to it.

I only v* two more times in the first grade and that was it for 26 years. The last (and only) time since was a couple of years ago when I was taking meds for strep throat. It brought those fears to the forefront like never before, and now I have the phobia worse than I've ever had it. I actually didn't even know there was such a phobia until I got an anti-anxiety CD and the doctor on the CD mentioned it. I thought it was just my problem. It is comforting to know I'm not alone and others understand.

[lacey3]

I have no idea how I became so afraid of v*. When I was little I HATED going to school, and a few times even made myeself sick over it. This is the only thing that I can think of. I am now a mother of three, and I live every single day in fear that they will get a sv. My oldest is 4 and is in preschool. I have feared him starting preschool ever since the day he was born. After I graduated high school I started having panic attacks, and that's when the emet. really kicked in. The panic attacks have gone away, but now I find myself obsessing over things I never used to, such as eating out. If I eat out I can't stop wondering if the person who handled my food or drink was or is sick with a sv, or if their hands were washed. I wait around 3 days, then if I don't get sick, I figure I'm ok. My family has no idea what it's like for me, none of them are even the least bit scared of v*. This past weekend my 4 yr. old had some sort of virus, (not the full blown sf though) and v* twice within 14 hrs. I was an emotional wreck, my husband doesn't understand why I am so scared, my mom and my sister think I act rediculous. I am ashamed that I am afraid of my own kids. I am petrified that they will wake me up in the middle of the night and v*. Again, I have no idea where this all came from, but I hate it.

[emeraldrose]

lacey3, your story sounds a lot like mine. I can empathize with the 3 kids and them going to preschool. I was terrified when my son went as well, only the fear kicked in around Nov of the year because that's when most sv go around.
I don't remember fearing v* when I was a child. I got sick nearly every Easter from candy (ironically never over Halloween), and I had my fair share of sv* as a child. It was discovered when I was 16 that I am hypoglycemic, and if I consume too much sugar without any protein, I get sick. This happened while we were on vacation in the southwest. We were looking at petroglyphs, and I felt so sick. I v* several times, but felt much better after that. Stupid me, I had eaten nothing but laffy taffy and drank almost no water! I remember being panicked when I saw other kids v* at school. I saw the same boy v* two years in a row, and I saw another v* on the bus in the seat beside mine, which made me scared to ride the bus.
Everything was good until my 18th b-day. My friends and I were camping, and we were drinking and smoking pot (I no longer do either), and I had eaten McD's. I got food poisoning, and spent the entire night outside in the rain v*. I know it was food poisoning because I had fed some of my lunch to my dogs, and they were sick all night too.
Then I went to college, and I had a severe panic attack on move in day. I got an sv* my freshman year, and I remember being freaked out of my mind about having to v*, but when I did, I thought it wasn't that big of a deal. I went years without really thinking about it much, but then 2 years ago, my husband, myself and my 2 kids (at the time) all got noro really bad. My anxiety was kicked into high gear once again. Then my grandfather became ill and was hospitalized. He spent the last 3 days of his life v* blood, and I thought it was horrible! I was freshly pregnant with my third child, and drove 4 hours to be at his bedside. He died 20 min later.
The weird thing about this phobia is that I had food poisoning again this past August from some raspberries, and I was so calm and OK with having to v*, but this winter and spring have been horrible for me. I keep worrying about catching a sv*.
I suppose it didn't help that whenever I was s* as a child, my mom would give me a bucket and stay away from me, and my father would laugh whenever I v*. Also, my mother is an alcoholic and would v* regularly, so I equate v* with a loss of control.
My sister is also emet, but we don't really discuss it together very much. Isn't that weird?
I, too, despise this phobia and I tell myself nearly daily that I am so tired of it. I just want to be normal.

[alisha27]

I am so glad I have found others like me. I just recently found out that there was a name for people like us. I have been living my life in a shell and afraid of v* since I was 5yrs old. I think what really set it off was in music class in 3rd grade. A girl sitting behind me v* all over the floor and I remember jumping out of my chair. The teacher made me walk her to the nurses office and I was horrified walking her the whole way. I began skipng school shortly after because I was afraid to see more kids v*. I started feeling sick every morning before school and getting panic attacks. I didn't know what was wrong with me at the time nor did my parents and teachers. The school assumed something was going on at home such as abuse. The school called CPS on my parents because I was too embarassed to say I wasn't wanting to go to school because of v*I was admitted to the hospital and under went test after test.

I would have panic attacks and still suffer from panic attacks. I freak out if I have gas, if my bowel movements aren't normal, indegestion ect. Anything to do with my stomach or head will set off a panic attack. I can be in the most comfotable situation such as walking my son and I will suddenly freak out if I have a bad taste in my mouth. I hate large crowds, I try and go to the mall or grocery store during slow hours and I always make sure I know where a bathroom is. I am so afraid of puking in front of everyone in public. I will not go to certian functions or go back to a place where I may have had a panic attack. I worry the most at night after eating and always take pepto and chew ice and gum. I hold my breath in and pace back and forth when having an anxiety attack. I always seem to think this "feeling" is worse then the last one.

I am lucky to have a guy who deals with my condition. He doesn't fully understand but he knows when I'm freaking out. I perfer to be left alone until I get through and feel better. I always get anxious about his hygeine too. I am always telling him to wash his hands, don't share after others ect. HIm and I had the stomach flu together last year and I didn't v* although I felt like I was going to the whole 48hrs. I live my life around hating the stomach flu. I feel like that is a punishment from God or the Devil. I'd rather id rather die then have a stomach virus but then I think about "what if I v* on my death bed?" That would suck too. I needed a job sooooooooo bad last October and had to drop my son off at daycare while I looked for a job. The daycare offered me a job working there and I couldn't turn it down. I did the ultimate thing no emeto would do which is work around a whirlpool of germs. My second day working there I saw 2 kids v* and refused to clean it. My son got the stomach flu the second week of being there and I quit. I cried and cried everyday thinking today is the day...I'm going to get it. I washed my hands like I normally do until they bleed and crack from being so dry.

I am stunned that I am even a mom. When i found out i was pregnant I literally cried and cried and counted down the days until my first trimester was over. I was so afraid I was going to have morning sickness. I lived through it and didn't get sick one time. I have a new problem now, I don't know if I can be a good mom if my son is sick. There are times I thought he was going to v* and I ran so far away from him. I feel like having a child has open a window of opportunity to invite the stomach flu into our home for many school years to come. I dont' know how to get over this fear but I know it wont kill me...I just don't like it. I am just glad to have found people with the same issues.

[turangaleela]

Hi, newbie here. I just discovered this site and even the fact that there is a name for the way I have been feeling all these years. My story is a lot like the others I've been reading. I got motion sick a lot as a child and my parents knew, but continued to do things that would trigger attacks. Things like, take the twisty mountain road instead of the straight, smooth freeway. Making me ride the teacups at Disneyland. Not give me Dramamine before going to Catalina. To this day, I do not know why they did these things. Anyway, I would get sick and they would get mad at me for it. For ruining whatever trip we were on. By the time I hit high school, I was full-blown phobic. I managed to live a relatively normal life (married, had three kids) but of course, having kids made things worse. I stopped traveling more than a few miles away from home. I've been unable to hold more than a part-time job. Working all day is just too scary. I keep thinking, what if I get sick at work? My current job is less than a mile away from my home.

I have had a few small victories. Two years ago, I spent two days in Las Vegas, although it was at least in part thanks to Xanax. Even more astounding to me was that we flew there. Of course, I wanted to fly because it's a 45 minute flight compared to a 5 hour drive. I couldn't be locked in a car for 5 hours. Not at this point in my life.

I also have IBS, which I think makes the phobia worse. I am too intensely tuned to my stomach. Every little thing sends me into a panic. Tonight, the big panic is son #2 having a migraine.

Thanks for letting me tell my story.

[jaytheviking]

I've traced it back to an incident in grade 4. A girl v* in class. It wasn't traumatic or gross or anything. I don't really understand why that set it off, but after that, I practically stopped eating. I never had the fear before - kids had v* in class, I had v* whenever I got the routine SV, I'd spin around on the tire swings without a care. I also became very terrified of riding in the car, even for short trips.

I don't know why it happened, but that's when it did.

[panickedchick]

My fear of vomiting began when I was 14 and it was followed by an eating disorder. Basically I stopped eating and the resulting nausea and feeling like I needed to puke even though there was nothing to puke out except water, freaked me out. I realized just how terrified of vomiting I was. This fear was only reinforced three years later when I got plastered for the first time in my life off of screwdrivers. To this day, the smell of orange juice makes me want to puke. The only good thing that came out of this fear is that I can't stand alcohol so I'm safe from becoming an alcoholic.

[amixx8]

I remember when i was about 6 maybe. I got this horrible virus. I was laying in bed one night eating freeze pops, when all of a sudden my throat felt like it was closing. I had to grasp the sides of the bed it was so intense. Then i just spewed everywhere. And it hurt, my throat bones felt like they were crossing and breaking. After that, everytime i swallowed it felt like glass. Ever since that day, i have been terribly afraid of puke. I will not do certain things because of this phobia. I have lost friends do to this phobia, friends who want to go out and drink everynow n then, but being me, i was too afraid. I have lived somewhat a boring sheltered life. Its getting worse. lately everywhere i go, i irrationaly think if i do this shell do that hell do that and then someone will puke. It sucks.