People you’ve told about it...

[lyntess]

Okay, so I live with my grandparents. Since beginning to understand this phobia better myself (this site has helped, especially), I've been able to tell them about it, and thought I was making good progress with getting them to understand-- especially my grandmother.

Tonight, though, she just mentioned casually, "I'm n*."

And I actually got angry. Like, look-- just HEARING you say something like that is going to cost me several hours of sleep tonight. I'll be jumping at every noise, and blasting my headphones trying to escape possible involvement with v*. But the worst part is, I KNEW she wasn't in any danger of getting s*, she had no reason to put me into Code Orange for a bit of indigestion.

I thought that was so incredibly inconsiderate and just... urgh. Thoughtless, I guess. She KNOWS how I react to s* people, she's witnessed my meltdowns when my grandfather was on medication that made him ALMOST v*, she knows I can't drive with people who are prone to getting travel-s*... so WHY would she say that!?

Well.

I actually told her, later. She burped, and I went en pointe and quivery and demanded if she was okay. She said, "Oh of course. I'm fine now, I don't feel like I need to t*u*. I never did, I'm rarely s* anyways."

And I replied, "Well, then don't tell me."

She laughed.

I said, "No, I mean it. Just don't even mention it. I'm going to be nervous for the rest of the night now, wondering if every sound means DANGERDANGER, even though I know it's not necessary."

*shrug* She said alright, who knows if that'll actually sink in or not... But I felt rather proud of myself for at least saying it, you know?

Bit o' venting along with a question: do you expect a certain level of respect from the people you've told about your major issue with v*? And how have they reacted when you told them about it, or called them out on NOT respecting you?

[harttride]

Yes yes.. i get what you mean. I've told my sister ,mother and 2 friends of mine already how uncomfortable it is to have any conversasion about v*ing, or when they say they feel s*, or not well.

I do feel that they should "respect" and try to "control" what they say.But for some reason they end up saying something that they know i dont want to hear,And im all like to myself of course,"Hello?!?! Did you hear what you just say to me?" I get upset, because even hearing them say that word makes me anxious.I do tell them tho,"umm...you know how i feel about that, why did you have to say that? Please thats all i ask."I try not to say it in a mean way.And the worst moment to "forget" about it is when im in the middle of eating.At least if they are going to speak of "it" they should give us a little warning if it's completly nessesary to mention it.

But my family is who mostly know how to watch what they say(mom and sister only).The day i told my friends(at seperate times and places),one asked me more about my fear, to better understand me( what i exactly fear why,etc),and the other one,(i was in the middle of eating when i told him),just automatically started to talk about it.Telling me how great it felt to v*, how he likes to so he doesnt have to go to school,etc.Ugh.. its horrible when they dont get it.

I guess we have to "educate" them somehow, and hopefully they'll get it better. At least we are all here to understand each other though![img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]

oh and i also go into demanding them to tell me if theyre ok, what kind of s* they feel (if they say they feel unwell)and i keep asking and asking and asking.. Edited by: harttride

[socitycourty]

Most everyone I have told thinks it is ridiculous. My husband just tells me to get over it and my mom always changes the subject. Hopefully the therapist will be kinder. LOL

[prncesspnk]

i tell pretty much everyone about my emet. i understand your
frustration, but i'm the opposite when it comes to expecting respect
from these people. they don't understand the severity of our phobia,
and who can really blame them? i mean, of course it would be nice
for them to just "get it", but it's not their fault, you know? my family
is really careful about what they say around me for the most part,
probably because they've learned what they can and can't get away
with since they've been dealing with me for so long! they knew i had
emetophobia before i even understood that's what was wrong with
me. but most other people who know about my fear aren't so careful.
when they mention something about v*, it usually hits a nerve, but
as long as it's just talk, i'm usually ok anyway. sometimes i wonder if
they even think before they speak. i'm not sure. but to answer your
question, no i don't really expect respect from most people.

[lyntess]

Prncess-- I don't expect it from most people either, just the ones I think really "get it". And in this case, someone I have to share a dwelling space with. There was no POINT in saying, "I'm n*." if she wasn't going to do something about it (either v* or take medication to NOT v*).

Coworkers and people like that? No, it's cool. They talk about their hangovers and their kids' tummy bugs all the time. I make faces and do that flappy-hands thing, but it doesn't send me into a panic OR offend me. :-)

Socity-- that's such a shame about your husband and mom! :-( I haven't really communicated the depth of this fear to my husband yet, but I hope he responds better than that... I'm sure the therapist will be nicer! :-P

Hart-- I'm glad I'm not the only one who does the Inquisition thing. :-P

[ziegfeldgirl]

there was a time when i told a friend about it, this was back in high school say 10th grade, and there were a few guys sitting in my algebra II class talking about v* for some reason, and my friend was one of them. Well, I turned to him and said something like "oh my goodness i hope no one gets v*s! I would just DIE!" And he looks at me and sticks his finger down his throat! I slapped him really hard across the face before i could stop myself. just WHACK! needless to say, we arent friends anymore.

[ziegfeldgirl]

Oh, and another time, this was backin middle school, 7th grade, german class, i was talking to alicia bourdon and she was sitting there with her face in her hands, and at the time i didnt think anything of it, she didnt look like she felt bad or anything. well, she was sitting down and i was standing across from her, about a foot away when all of a sudden v* starts to seep out and i jumped back and started hyperventilating and panicking and crying and everything. she left and i was trying to calm down, but people were talking about it and i couldnt calm down. i managed to sit down at my desk, still hysterical when i heard the guy next to me make a v* sound and i let out a blood-curdling scream and ran from the trailer,it was a portable classroom, not in the main building, and ran from school to my house, which was about 6 miles away. i didnt go back to german class for the rest of the year, and subsequently was suspended and failed my german class. i say 10 points for that one

[sage]

I'm sort of in prncess's camp on this one. I think that the majority of your time and energy needs to be spent on working on your own anxiety response, rather than on trying to control the actions, words, or feelings of other people. Really, it's not their problem. I mean, there's a line of course - and you and I are probably drawing it in a different place in the sand is all. It would be totally out of line for a family member or friend to like - fake sick just to scare you or make fun of you. Or talk about it INTENTIONALLY to freak you out. But people need to live their lives. It's a hundred percent normal to say things like "I feel gross" or whatever...despite how that will affect an emetophobic person.
I dunno. Maybe it's the universe trying to do its best to help you out. If everyone around you were perfectly controlled, even their sicknesses - what incentive would you ever have to get over your anxiety? And honestly, your anxiety would just get worse and worse.

But I do totally get that once your fear is triggered, you're life is a bust for the rest of the night. I remember those days. And I would never want to go back!

Just musing....I don't mean any offence at all.
Take care,
Sage

[lyntess]

No offense taken, Sage, thanks for the input.

And I see what you mean. There's a difference between them saying/doing something to trigger my phobia out of spite, or simply acting normal instead of hypersensitive towards me.

I guess I kinda feel like, you wouldn't say, "Man, I'd give my left leg to get a copy of that book!" in front of a guy who'd lost his leg. Sure, you're just using an expression that comes naturally and without a thought, but you'd also feel TERRIBLE if you let yourself say that before "remembering" his amputation.

[sage]

Ya - lol - that's a tough one. I once said in front of my friend who's husband committed suicide something about "you'd just want to kill yourself"...and she laughed! A lot. Then we both cried... And this was several years after he died too.

The thing is, you're from the USA I see. Just take a look at your poor presidential candidates to illustrate the point that even if it's your job 24/7 for like TEN YEARS to watch every single thing you say...you simply can't. Everybody is following Obama around like a pack of hooligan thugs...recording every single thing he says and does - almost HOPING he'll screw up so they'll get a news story out of it. Meanwhile the other fellow says Iraq instead of Iran when talking about the border of Pakistan, and it makes the national news. (I think this is terribly unfair and ricidulous...and I don't even like your Republican party).

Anyway, the point is there's no difference between McCain and your grandma just saying something without thinking. Many of the "offences" taken are actually the problem of the listener, not the speaker - is all I'm sayin'!

[jandub]

This sort of struck a cord with me because just the other day, my mom was saying she was going on vacation and was terrified to fly. She went on and on about it, and I totally blew her off. I was thinking, "Oh grow up, its not scary." Oh that is really really hard to admit, but its true. But its because I'm not scared of flying. It was hard for me to remember or relate to someone, even my own mother, who is. Your post reminds me to be more sensitive to people's fears. Maybe that is sort of what happens when others are insensitive to this phobia. I am a very caring and loving person I would like to think, and I blew it on that one, and hopefully I'll remember that.

[twilightrose]

My parents know, but they don't think much of it. My teachers and friends know, because of my little class-trip-episode, but I'm hoping they psychologist will be able to help a bit.

But yeah, I tell a lot of people just as a warning.

[1234]

I have only ever had respect and support from my close family, my husband takes offense if he hears nasty or belittleing things said about people with any anxiety because he understands how debilitating it can be, because of living with me! However, I have only 2 friends that iv ever told, they were very supportive to me while i was very ill having a breakdown a couple of years ago, now, they make fun of me!
I can take that, but generally paople are pretty cool, except once my brother casually told me one of his housemates had been ill the night before i saw him and my folks were yealling at him saying "why did you have to say that to her!!!!" I got over it.

[twilightrose]

However, lately my dad has been saying stuff like, "This is crazy, Katie. You're so paranoid!" and "Grow up and calm down. Nobody's going to get sick." It's hard to handle, and I just get so mad because he doesn't understand. Anybody else know what I'm talking about?

I mean, I don't TRY to be paranoid or obsessive; it just happens.

[jkl81]

He probablhy is just worried about how your life is going to be if you continue to have this fear. My dad doesn't really get it he even told me to just act normal once but usually he's very supportive. Mom has been beyond supportive. No one outside the close family really knows just how bad I hate v* and fear it.

[hippychick]

I don't expect any special treatment from anyone. But my mum and I had an understanding anyway. If she had to throw up and I was around she would give me warning to leave. I trusted her completely to do this and so it took out the obsessive 'what if element' The woman I live with now is actually like this too. I don't think it's up to anyone to give special treatment.

Not even to the guy with one leg. My friend's brother has one leg and he has done more stuff in his whole life than I could ever do. He jokes about it, he tells ppl it was some tragedy to get the sympathy of women (it was a result of a birth defect) and if he EVER thought people were being 'sensitive to his issue' he'd kick their ass haha but that's just him.

I personally have never felt the need to be tiptoes around. The facts are: My dad died, I have emet, I might have MS. These are all facts about me but I don't need anyone to watch what they say or tiptoe around this issues. I don't expect anyone to even remember the issues!!!!

Oh and I tell people if it comes up but it's in such a casual way I can't expect anyone else to take it seriously.

Be sensitive yes, don't purposely try and hurt people but don't think that other people can control everything that comes out of their mouths. (er...no pun intended )They wont even try to and they don't need to be on edge because we have fears. Yes people will say things that can make you anxious but you are responsible for dealing with that. no one else.

xxxxxxxxxEdited by: hippychick

[juliab3]

well once my dad took me ot a movie on a battleship. they play movies now and then. wel i started feelin n* and i told him so. he said no we are going to stay! i just kept begging and begging to go home until he grabbed my hand and took me to teh car. we got in and he hit me across teh face because he didnt wanna go home but i did. then he drove like a maniac, 20 miles over the speed limit,and all of this was due to a stupid stupid phobia.

[hippychick]

I don't want to offend you or your family Juliab3 but your father behaving that way is not because of this phobia. There are good ways of responding to panic, less good ways and truely horrible ways. I'm sorry you were treated like that.

Being physically abused has nothing to with your phobia or your anxiety, when anyone is abused it is NEVER their fault and especially not when you are a child and this is by a grown man. It's unacceptable.Edited by: hippychick

[grgygrl]

[img]smileys/smilies_21.gif[/img] My husband actually makes fun of me. Nice huh? [img]smileys/smilies_07.gif[/img] [img]smileys/smilies_07.gif[/img]