cant take this anymore!Venting

[driftinggoddess]

i cant take any of this anymore, my fear, my problems relating to my fear, i dont even want to be alive, then atleast i would have all these stupid problems, i hate them, i hate me, i hate the way i am. because of my emet, im afraid to have anything other then super solid stool, and when i got 4-5 times in a row and they get softer everytime i go into over drive and start panicing. I hate this i cant take it anymore, i wish it was gone, its ruining my life and my family, its tearing me apart, i panic everyday, i freak out everyday, and i usually ball my eyes out because of this and when i panic, i wish i could just be normal, and not have this problem. i wish there was better help, i wish someone could do something to help. no one here understands what i go through they think they do and they think that this is no big deal and they tell me just get over it there is nothing to be afraid of, then they tell me, go make yourself V then you wont be scared, and all i can tell them is i am to scared to even do that! I WANT THIS GONE I CANT TAKE IT, I WANT HELP!


Sorry...

[eeb1017]

Don't be sorry, you can't help how you feel. I feel almost exactally as you do, my family doesn't understand it either. They try to but they can't and one time i had an sv* and my brother was laughing at me cause i had been crying. All i can say is try to just take it hour by hour. Thats all i can take, and sometimes even that is too much. Also, i have a therapist who has tried numerous things such as Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, which has actually helped. As well as trying a new anti-depressant to help me get through this very very rough patch.
I hope you are ok, don't give up. I know there is more to life that this, and even though its hard to believe that, i must believe that there will one day be a time when i no longer fear this. I hope this for you as well.
Stay well,
Erin
PM me if you ever need to talk

[mason14]

I'm sorry you are feeling this way as I am in the same boat. I wish I could go back to when I was younger when I didn't even THINK about vomiting until I was actually sick. Just for one day. I know I'll never have that freedom in my life again and I try to just accept that. Even if I get to a point in my life where I'm not even too bothered to vomit I will still wake up everyday and be this person who never really did anything in her life because of this fear. All these years and still afraid. Oh, I'm having a pity party on Christmas eve...and this is the only place I can do it. You guys are the only people who will ever understand. Love to all and Merry Xmas.
Christina

[maddyblythechen]

Sorry?

Hello! It sucks! I think we have all hated ourselves and the way we are because of this phobia. I wish it would go away, too!

Have you ever had a session with a therapist? Sometimes it really helps to just blather about it to someone who would like to listen. I'm really lucky that I have such a marvelous doctor who wants to kick the emet right where it hurts.

You, Driftinggoddess, are no worse than the rest of us, I assure you. We know what it's like to be ashamed and, of course, to be terrified beyond terrified. I hope you can draw comfort from the idea that, despite everything, you're definitely not on your own!

~Madeleine

[driftinggoddess]

i have been talking with a mental health specialist while im on the waiting list for a psychitrist! hopfully good results comes of this

[maddyblythechen]

I really hope it helps you. How are you doing now?

[classycaro1]

I feel the exact same way. Especially because I'm sick today, Christmas eve. It's fairly comforting to know other people feel that way too.

[driftinggoddess]

it helps me for the time being but not much improvement

[dipbomb]

i COMPLETELY understand. i am so n* right now i am sitting here bawling my eyes out bc im alone and im scared to death of v* and no one understands or even really cares. i feel so alone. i have NO idea why im soooooooooooooo n* right now but im freaking out. i wont sleep tonight im scared to even lay down.

[driftinggoddess]

i hate being like this. because of the way i get i go days without eating!