I think I have sort of figured out my trigggers. This will be GRAPHIC.

One of them was when I was about 7-8 years old. I don't remember if I had a sv* or if I had fp* or what, but I remember my grandmother had made me finish my dinner (I didn't want to, I guess I wasn't feeling well) and soon after I got the sudden urge to v* and ended up doing it very violently all over the place. It all is sort of a disturbing blur now. One of my main fears now is having to v* and not having any where to do it, which is why I think this incident may have led to some of my problem.