I'm sorry your family is stressing you out that way. It must be really tough, I'm sorry. I know that I worry about how my family perceives my boyfriend. I feel very lucky that they like him and I can't imagine how frustrated I'd be if they didn't.

About the smoking:
My mom smoked for several years and it caused a lot of problems between our family. She said she'd love to quit but it also made her feel calmer and she was going through a really stressful time, as her father had just died. She finally went to a doctor and he said "It's simple. Chew Nicorette gum." As I'm sure you know, Nicotine is the leading, addictive ingredient in cigarettes. It's also the calming factor about them. Her doctor said that while Nicotine isn't necessarily good for you, chewing gum with it is better for you than smoking cigarettes with it, because the tobacco and smoke is what causes all the lung problems. Anyway, my point is that maybe he could try chewing the gum? My mom still chews the gum and it's like 7 years later. Her doctor said it was okay though....Idk. Perhaps you could run it by him?

I'm sorry if you think this is preachy, I didn't mean it to be. Just thought I'd tell you what worked for my mom...