BF is trying to cure me

[lizpuff]

So ok last month I got engaged to my BF and moved in with him. He knows I have emet and was totally supportive of it up until this point.

You see about a week ago he said he wasn't feeling good and that he was having to go to the bathroom every so often and couldn't eat. But he told me this after I had made out with him! So of course I freaked out and was thinking I would get sick or something. He told me it was food poisoning and I know you cannot catch that but I was still freaking out.

Anyway he told me flat out he thought it was a ridiculous fear and that I needed to get over it.

I don't want to be afraid of v* but I know I am not ready just yet to seek help. My whole family knows about my phobia but he is the first one to step in and "try to fix it".

I don't really know what to do. Part of me wants to get over this and I think I would do better with help from him but I don't know that I am really ready to do that. I just don't like the pressure of it.

He has been planting photos around to get me exposed to it and I can't stand it!
Has anyone else had someone try to "fix them" and rid them of the phobia?

[aaronsd]

just my 2c, but getting over a phobia is your choice... if he can't understand that then IMO he doesn't respect you for who you are. a good relationship is based on full acceptance of people, both their faults and positive qualities. You shouldn't have to feel like you need to fix the other person to be happy... again just my 2c.

[gnat_3prid]

Sounds like he is being really unsympathetic and i can relate to that cos my boyfriend is kind of the same. Luckily he hasn't planted photos or anything, i'd go ballistic if he did!! But he similarly feels it's a ridiculous fear and whenever i try to tell him that somethings panicking me or anything he tells me he's not interested anymore. My boyfriend is 1 of the most kind + caring people i have ever met but he does not tolerate "nonesense" + that is what he sees my emet to be.
Have u tried telling ur boyfriend how much it is upsetting u that he's doing this? Maybe if he realises quite how much he will tone it down if not stop completely.

[lemonbrain]

wow, emet or not, making out with someone after v* is icky! I don't understand why people do that lol.


Anyways, this is just one reason why I don't think I can have a functional relationship with someone.I wouldn't be able to feel 100% ok with them always worrying that they will get s* whatnot.

I have not had people help me try to get over it.Just a lot of people telling me to get over it (how convincing)

[lizpuff]

I agree! I would never kiss someone who V* before. I didn't know that though until afterward.

I did mention to him that It hurt me that he was doing this and that I didn't appreciate that kind of help. But to be honest I was shocked when he did that so I haven't really said anything too much yet. I don't really know how to put my words together. [img]smileys/smilies_12.gif[/img]

[kellybeth]

Hmm. I know that this phobia to outsiders may seem a little much at times and hard to deal with, but if my fiance ever posted pics of vomit around the house I would be livid!! [img]smileys/smilies_07.gif[/img] I know it was his way of 'curing' you by exposing you to it but that is not the way to do it. You are meant to be comfortable in your own house and not afraid of what may be around the corner.

Just like Lemonbrain said, I have never had someone try to cure me but I have had people tell me I was just being stupid and to get over it. [img]smileys/smilies_12.gif[/img]

[pinky2]

Oh no thats not nice, I would be hysterical if my boyfriend did that. luckily my bf is quite understanding, I don't think anyboddy who doesnt suffer from emet can ever fully understand what its like, although my boyfriend does try, I have never told him quite how bad it is but he knows enough to be understanding of it. You really need to talk to your bf, he needs to know this is not supportive! it might even make you worse. I hope everything sorts itself out! x

[furryballys]

I think planting the photos would cause more strife for you have already seen than to help. It does sound like he LOVES you very much and is trying to help cure you. He's going to have to put on his patience cap because just looking at pictures is obviously not helping much. Instead of the secret planted photos helping you, i think i'd create some other sort of anxiety, like perhaps he's jeopardizing his trust between you and him. Just my 2 cents.

AND i don't think it's a ridiculous fear, it has may psychological baggage behind it which drives it. I do pray for his understanding.

You could inform him about this website and give him some information such as some that are found under sticky tabs on this website marked 'information for therapists..'.

[john f.]

The fear of having some non-professional try to "cure" me
is one of the reasons I never tell anyone about my emet. I
couldn't bear the paranoia, wondering if my drink was
tainted with some sick-inducer while I was in the bathroom,
or having sick people coming to stay with me for a surprise
visit. If I were you, I'd warn him that any "bright ideas"
to cure you himself will almost certainly just make the
phobia worse. If he can't understand the phobia, hopefully
he can understand that much.