New and terrified - both daughters have it!

[bjeanfritz]

Hey everyone, I just joined at 1AM (East Coast USA) and I'm STILL awake because both of my girls have it and I've been battling one panic attack after another ALL NIGHT LONG.

I don't remember the incident that set me off into this phobia, but I hate bars. I don't drink more than 1 or 2 drinks and get upset if others around me do. I have to force myself to send my kids to school/preschool if I hear that someone in their class has had it recently. I HATE to cook because of the mess it makes and the dirty dishes. I don't watch TV shows or movies where someone might v* in it, or if it's a movie and it catches me off guard, I curl up in a ball with my fingers in my ears until someone can tell me it's over. When my kids v* near me, I try my best to tough it out until my hubby can take over, but I'm fighting the racing heartbeat, sweating, shaking, hot/cold flashes, and IBS symptoms the whole time. I'm on Cymbalta for depression and anxiety which is what allows me to tough it out at all (used to be I couldn't), but now, it's starting to be less effective than it used to.

So, I'm terrified because my 6 yr old daughter woke up hubby and me because she had just v*ed in her bed. Hubby knows the drill and understands my phobia TO A POINT. So he took her downstairs and got her set up on the couch with a sheet and bucket so he could keep the wash going, and he is going in and out of sleep on the couch. I opened the windows in her room and set up an exhaust fan to get the smell out (almost froze her poor bunny rabbits!) So, then she asked for pretzels about an hour and a half later, kept them down (thank God!)

But, I still keep a baby monitor in the 3 year old daughter's room, just in case. So, I hear her cough, run in, no problem, just a cough. 1 more time, just a cough. 3rd time, not so lucky. Ugh. Only a little bit (she has had d* off and on for a day or so, so she's been on a bland diet anyway), so I get her in the tub to wash her hair and get hubby to get those sheets into the wash now. We get her set up on the loveseat with a sheet and just as I return with the bucket (6 year old is sound asleep on couch through all this) she gets that look on her face and I get there just in time. So, I am doing better this time then I usually do, but I'm still terrified to go downstairs into the family room again! I just want to hide in my bedroom all day until I'm sure the v*ing is over!

My hubby is supposed to volunteer at church this morning (he runs the sound board for our children's service) and I told him he needs to find a substitute, he can't leave me alone with 2 sick kids. I'm terrified he won't be able to find anyone! My parents live too far to help, and my mother in law would never understand. Please, Lord, let this blow through quickly and not affect my hubby or me!

I feel like such a terrible mom because I can't soothe my kids when they are sick like this. I can handle d*, I can handle stuffy nose, fever, or any type of injury, but I cannot handle it when people v* near me - not even my own babies! We were thinking about trying to conceive another child and now I'm not so sure I can handle it!

I was really praying the s*v* was going to skip us this year, but apparently not.

I really could use some support as I feel terribly alone and afraid right now.

Thanks for reading my novel,
Becky

[Mama76]

I understand how you feel, I am in the same boat today, my preschooler is v* this morning. I am doing OK, he has had it a lot this year, and several times last year. I hate exposure therapy, but it seems to help, I am a lot better than I was the first time I had to deal with my older son years ago. I keep them separated with a gate when I want to keep one healthy (and keep our dog away from the s* one), but I didn't send the older one to kindergarten today because I didn't know how to get him to school. My husband had to work today, at least half a day and maybe home this afternoon. He did stay during the worst of it this morning and put off leaving for as long as he could. I feel that as long as I can keep it confined to one of the kids, and keep us healthy I can handle it. Sounds like you are a Christian, I posted a thread today with some of my favorite Bible verses for when I panic, they help me remember who is in control here. When you think about the absolute worst that can happen, and remember who is in control, it makes it easier I think. I also have a support group who may not understand why I feel the way I do, but they know I do and will pray for me when I need it. On the practical side, I keep control by keeping them confined, take away anything not easy to wash, and wash hands and change clothes as needed to go from quarantine to healthy areas of my house.

[what_the_frick]

Welcome! And bless both your hearts. I know this feeling well. Bjean, I am the EXACT same way! Bring on any other illness and I'm good to go .. but involve v* and I can't handle it. I'm also on an anti-depressent and have found that my anxiety is slightly better. My fiance understands as well as he can .. he took care of both myself and my 3 y.o. when we came down with the sv* the same night. I am able to handle it better if I've already been sick w/it ... had my 3 y.o. gotten sick the next night, I'm sure I could've taken care of him, because the fear of "catching it" wouldn't be an issue. How are your daughters and yourself feeling now??

[bjeanfritz]

We are all much better today. The girls stopped v* by the morning and wanted to eat again (which was scary for me, but my hubby promised he would deal with any aftershocks). They had some d* after that yesterday, which I was (crazy as it sounds) grateful to be able to help them through that! I felt useful again. I actually dealt with my issue by going to our church yesterday morning and meeting with some of my closest church girlfriends and our Director of Pastoral Care. My girlfriends all offered to come help with the kids if I needed them to, but since the v* was over, I didn't have to take them up on it thankfully.

I'm seeing my MD on Thursday to get a referral to a therapist. I think I figured out what situation kicked off all my panic attacks, so now I need to find a way to overcome it. When I am all better, I'll let you all know what worked for me!

I love having the support of others that TRULY understand!

Bless you all!

[bjeanfritz]

Mama76,

I'm sorry you are dealing with this today and you are so brave to be able to go it alone. I'm not there yet. I guess if I HAD to, I would, I mean they are my kids, and I would die for them right? But I might need some SERIOUS therapy and medication afterward to ward off more panic attacks and anxiety! LOL!

I hope your kids feel better as quickly as mine did, and that this brief invasion into the peace of your family life leaves quickly!

Becky

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear. ~Ambrose Redmoon

[dizzybird]

i so know what you all mean! i have 2 deal with my kids getting s* but then 4 3, 4, 5 days i wont go out, i wont eat properly. Sounds really weird but i WOULD RATHER HAVE IT FIRST. coz its all abt the wat ifs 4 me and then the actual act.

[PinkButterfly]

This makes me so terrified to be a mother. I really want to have children, but I know that v* is going to happen and I don't know how I will be able to handle it. You are really lucky to have your man help you out! My problem is that my boyfriend is a firefighter and I won't always have him there when I need him. Especially the days when SV* comes around.