I need help.

[emilyt]

I am new to this site. It is my soon to be 8 year old daughter with the emet. I try to understand and sympathize with her struggles as much as possible. However, she has not willingly eaten anything solid in days. When I ask her about this she states "I am just scared if I eat it will make me feel bad." This has been going on for over a year now but has just gotten severe enough that she won't eat. She is losing weight and I just don't know how to help her. I need some help getting her to eat from people who understand what she is going through. Thanks.

[pretendworld_]

I'm really sorry your both going through this no 8 year old should have to deal with being emetophobic. Perhaps you could try eating with her? that might make her feel more at ease and just reassure her that you feel ok whenever you eat. I don't really know what else you could try as I don't have kids and I never dealt with this at such a young age. Maybe just try small things, gradually and work up from there. I honestly have no idea what kids eat, lol it's been 13 years since I was 8 years old. How is she eating at school or with friends? maybe if she had a friend over or some kind of a distraction, she'd be more willing to eat.

[betsie]

Hello, I am very sorry to hear that your daughter has this. I've had it since a very young age aswell (possibly around 5 year old) I also had trouble with my weight and not being able to eat properly. My mom found it helpful to make my favourite foods during this time and I used to be happy to eat them.

As regards to your daughters phobia, I think you need to get her some help as soon as possible. The sooner, the better. You do not want this carrying on to her teenage years because trust me, it has not been easy for me! Talk to her properly, as her what scares her about being ill and then go see your doctor to get referred to a therapist that will be able to help her.

How is she with being able to go to school? I was terrible with that, I found it so hard to go. My mom would give up making me at some point in the morning and tbh it was the worst thing she could have done. Its horrible to see your daughter crying ect but please force her to go to school! Have a talk with the school and ask them to let her go home if she continuously asks to whilst there and let her know that you will always come pick her up if she needs to come home. Hopefully that will make her feel better about going. You do not want to help her limit her life, otherwise she will keep doing it and its not fun!

I hope you get the help you need!

[emilyt]

Thank you both for your help. My daughter is very social and has a lot of friends but does not eat when she is around them either. She loves to go to school, also. She is in the gifted program and gets to go on all kinds of field trips and never has any trouble. It seems as though being around other ill children doesn't bother her at all. I have tried sitting with her and eating the exact same thing and telling her that it doesn't make me feel bad. It is not the type of food or the preparation that bothers her, it is just food in general. Her favorite thing in the world to eat is a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I have not been able to get her to even this lately. I think it's time to seek some professional help. Any idea what kind of treatments are available?

[jmdonofrio]

A good therapist to start would be a good idea. Have her start working with someone who can help her understand her fear and what it is exactly that makes her so scared of being sick. I was around her age when my fear started and as the others have said, definatley seek help now because growing up with this has ruined alot of things in my life. I just had a baby and I don't want to pass the fear onto my daughter because no one should have to go through life like this.

Also, maybe you can take her to her regular doctor and have him or her explain the importance of eating and eating healthy. That may make your daughter understand that if she dosen't eat then that will more than likely make her feel sick rather than if she ate something and felt sick.

I wish you all the best with your daughter and don't ever hesitate to come on this site to ask questions or just for some support.. we're all here to help!

[cactusinmyhead]

Im sorry to hear you and your daughter are going through this. I wish my mom had come on here when I was 8 and tried to get help for me! I think some therapy would be good asap especially since children are so impressionable, if she learns that v*ing is nothing to fear at a young age she might grow out of the fear.

[betsie]

It may be worth considering whether it is an aversion to food rather than a fear of being ill. I know she says that she is worried it may make her unwell, but maybe this is a cover for not wanting to eat.

Either way you will need to see a therapist with her and that will hopefully help. Sorry you have to go through this, but its amazing that you are trying to help her as much as you are! Good luck!

[lisalulu]

I had severe emet at 8 (it went back further but got really bad at that age) and have extremely clear memories of it. My parents didn't get it at all and I had horrible eating aversions/weight loss too. What would have worked for me...

-Keeping her busy with fun activities to distract her and make her feel relaxed. I always ate more when I exercised and got naturally hungry and was feeling happy
-always having snacks she likes on hand in case she relaxes and feels hungry
-but never asking her to eat or forcing her to be there for meals- the pressure is the worst part
-as an adult i realize i'm a grazer.. lots of emets are more comfortable with small portions of food throughout the day when they feel truly hungry than set meal times
-if you're at a restaurant let her know she doesn't have to finish it just because you ordered it. I was an adult before I discovered the joy of 'wrapping it up to go'. I would get yelled at for losing my appetite right after they ordered and 'paid good money' for something but the pressure made me unable to eat
-lots of soothing, physical contact.

also get her help now. maybe if you find a therapist to help her she can avoid having it for then ext 25 years like i have. if my daughter shows any signs i'm going to nip it right in the bud.

[alexikiss]

As someone else mentioned, I wish my mother had come onto a site like this to find out how to help me (although it was the 80s and there was not internet!). When I was 9, I remember going through this phase where I wouldn't eat on weekends. I would have no appetite and then get nervous that my parents would ask why I wasn't eating...and in turn, I perceived this as nausea. This really upset my parents at the time and they brought me to my pediatrician who said it was "all in my head" and said I could see a child psychiatrist. My parents wanted none of that; I guess it wasn't as accepted back then and they didn't want to accept that their child was "crazy" enough to need one either. Eventually, they got frustrated and upset with me, which only made me feel worse and terrified of having those feelings and letting them know. Not a good situation all around. So you are doing the right thing.

I often wonder if this is how my emet began...I would just feel pressured to always eat at specific times (my parents loved to eat out a lot in restaurants). Also, I was an only child at the time, so I'd get depressed on the weekends when I wasn't surrounded by all of my classmates. Maybe something else is bothering your daughter. At the time, I obviously wasn't perceptive enough to figure all of this out and I actually didn't really analyze it until recently.

Best of luck to you!

[elizam]

I was dragged to the doctor at age 10 because I stopped eating. They thought I had an eating disorder, and so did I until I was around 17 or 18 and discovered that emetophobia was a real thing and I wasn't the only one who had it.

The thing is, you really do *want* to eat. You're hungry and all, but the fear of vomiting won't let you. I actually had convinced myself that I couldn't swallow properly and it really felt like I physically couldn't get the food down. My mom wasn't very understanding, but my grandma was and she used to make me pots of vegetable soup (soup was one thing I could eat fairly easily - still is) and loaves of bread and I lived on that for at least a year until I started to feel okay about eating. Gradually I gained weight and while I still had a long list of foods I wouldn't eat, it was much better than before.

[dixy]

I had a very similar experience to Eliza. I wanted to eat..it was anxiety that would make me feel n* and stop me eating. I was referred to a special doctor who advised my mum not to pressure me into eating and situations such as eating out etc.. I still now get anxious when sat around at a table with a plate full of food.. buffet situations are better where I fill my own plate up.

One piece of advice my mum was given which did work with me and has worked for friends, was to leave food within reach. She can just go and help herself, easy little things she can nibble on, with no pressure to eat it.. in her own time etc..

Wishing you all the luck in the world with your daughter. I think you must have gathered from reading posts on this forum that this fear doesn't just go away. I really wish I had addressed this years ago.

[TMYERS]

I think it is so awesome that you want to help your daughter. My mother told me for years to just "get over it". She didn't understand how severe it actually was until about 2 days ago. Just be there for her to talk to about it. That's what helps me the most. Just to have someone who really cares just sit and listen and try and help work through the feelings. I went through a time in 6th or 7th grade where I couldn't eat for months....missed a ton of school and had to have tons of tests on my stomach. I know now that I was experiencing my first signs of emets but I didn't understand what it was at the time. Maybe you could help her get to the base of her fear...when it begain....how it all started...help her think through step by step....I wish so much someone would have helped me early on....I might not have had to suffer through the last 21 years.
Good Luck...You are an awesome mom