Welcome to the site! I don't think it was selfish of you to want to escape. It's a phobia and perfectly understandable if you can't handle it. If it makes you feel better, you did a lot better than I would have! When somebody v* in front of me, I get really upset at angry with them. Like really MAD at them, even though I know it's not their fault and they can't help it and they feel bad enough as it is.