I Need Some Advice

[xxcassiexbooxx]

3 days ago my close friend was telling me that her sister had the stomach flu, and that she was up all night helping her. Then the next day her mom was up all night getting sick and my close friend was helping her. Yesterday my friend wanted to go to the beach with a couple of friends, and i said i didnt want to go because i did not want to catch what her family has. (she knows about my phobia). She told me that she had stayed away from her family all week because she knew that i would avoid being around her if she did and it hurts her feelings that i didnt want to go because of her. She told me that i manipulated her into being scared of vomiting. and she made me feel horrible about not going to the beach by saying,"you always say how you want to get over it and here is your chance." and things like that. Is this a good friend? did i really manipulate her into being afraid or is she just saying that? Should i be mad she did that or let it slide?

[catlobster]

Sometimes, we emets get a little *too* neurotic with our phobia, and it pisses off the normal people. They don't "get it", and they never will.
She sounds like a good friend, by telling you that she avoided her family so you can be more at ease. Lol, not even my husband would do that for me! And sometimes, we need the proverbial "bitch slap" to let us know that there IS a real world that exists outside our phobia, and we need to go attack it and have fun.
From how you write the situation, I think that she values your friendship very much. You shouldn't be mad at her, she's just telling the truth and wants to go out and have fun, and your emet is putting a damper on it for no valid reason (ie You're not feeling sick, she isn't sick- there is no direct contact to worry about).

[xxcassiexbooxx]

Thank you for replying, it really helps.

[cinque]

She seems to have contradicted herself...so she was helping her ill sister and mother 3 days ago, but then she said she'd been avoiding her family all week?

It's fair enough that she said her feelings were hurt, but I don't understand her accusation that you'd manipulated her into being scared of v*ing. She sounds perhaps a slightly pushy person if I'm honest. Yes, us emets need a reality check sometimes, but...not entirely sure I like the way she speaks to you? Perhaps I'm reading it wrong though. You could perhaps reassure her that you don't mean to hurt her feelings by saying something like "I really hope you don't take it personally that I feel a bit anxious around you at the moment. It's nothing to do with you; the phobia is completely my problem and I do accept that". Cos then perhaps she'd be aware that she doesn't have to feel guilty if you avoid a social situation because she's there and she's been around s* people.

[Lollaj84]

I don't think she fully understands your point of view, but then she wouldn't because she doesn't know what it's like to be you! She just wants you to come out and have fun with her. But telling you that you have manipulated her into being afraid, isn't really fair. You can't just manipulate a person into being afraid out of nowhere! I'm pretty sure that with all Emets, a situation or life experience was the trigger for the phobia. I'd just take what she says with a pinch of salt and don't worry about it. I agree with Cinque, the best way to get past it is to explain your feelings again to reassure her.

[clare.ehlers]

Sometimes even our closest friends and family can be quite insensitive about this phobia. I know that once when my mom was ill and v*ed, I hid in my room and cried, and she was angry with me, but now I realize it was probably because she was feeling so unwell!

It is so hard for people to understand us completely, and perhaps you just need to keep reassuring your friend that there are no personal attacks against her, just your phobia.