Work in Progress!

[asianeko]

Slept in the living room last night I just couldn't fall asleep in bed

[asianeko]

but now this past night I was able to stay in bed. It was tricky and I woke with a start a few times, but I did it

[furryballys]

Another update is needed, though I'm not sure if anyone reads this anymore lol

I cannot deny I've made a giant leap forward. But I think I'm slipping back a bit.

For the past week or two, I've been n* every night. I haven't v*, though 2 or 3 nihts I've been sure I will. TMI INCOMING Last night and all today I've had massively nasty d*. Like, pure water TMI OVER I'm thinking it's just my mind, but I can't be sure. I try to stay positive about these things, and chalk them up to my anxiety. But it's getting to the point now I shake in bed again, even though I try not to. I don't jump out of bed crying again, but I'm noticing his snores again. I know something isn't right! I'm not sure what's triggered this, or really how to make it go away. Any ideas?

Have you tried a sound machine? Look it up on amazon.com, a lot of people swear by this...i haven't tried it yet but i feel like i'll need to when i get married in the future because my fiance is a snorer. You can choose from different types of relaxing nature sounds that you want to be played to mask out the snoring or just try to focus on the sounds...a lot of people use this for babies and young children or just to block out obnoxious background noise. Good luck, my best wishes are with you.

[asianeko]

I'm tempted!! I actually just posted on the main forums since I'm having issues sleeping again. My main issue isn't the sounds, its that he's been sick 3 times at night, and I get so scared it'll happen again.

I'm having one of those can't go back to sleep nights... and of course it's the one time I don't work in the morning. Kris went to a movie and chatted with his friend after and got home later than the film was done. He said he didn't drink anything, and in my head a believe him. My body just doesn't. I'm scared to sleep next to him again and it's not right. What do I do? I'm so tired but I can't relax enough in bed

I feel like such a bad girlfriend.

[furryballys]

Ok, how about desensitizing yourself? Like, work up to entirely sleeping with him again. Like, tell yourself that you're going to try to do half and half. Sleep with him the first half, and allow yourself to sleep in the room the next time. Or maybe you just need to play out an imaginary scene where you pretend you're falling alseep, and you ask him to pretend that he's getting sick (is pretending too much for you?) and then tell yourself that it's not such a big deal that that's happening.

Don't worry, you're not a bad girlfriend...you're only making the situation worse by saying that. If you were bad, you wouldn't care but you do, so you're not bad.

[asianeko]

I feel like I'm doing worse than ever

[furryballys]

I'm sorry girl, hang in there.

[asianeko]

Thanks for the encouraging words. I reread this thread and see just how far I've come, how much I've gotten over. But then I see how much more I have to overcome, and I get down sometimes. I'm scared to leave the house, but I do it anyway. I was never like that before. I can't wait to see this therapist, I hope he can help me!

[furryballys]

You're welcome. I'm currently kinda afraid to leave the house too and i do it anyway (it's good if you keep on doing it to keep it as a habit in confronting situations)...i think the more i think about it the worse it really is, and just like you, it was never really like that before. I'm working on "The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook", you ever looked into it or went through it?

I feel ya on being down about seeing how much you have to overcome but, remember, baby steps is the key.

[asianeko]

I actually just bought it, but I tend to only crack it when I'm nervous, and it doesn't help mid panic attack lol.

[furryballys]

Yea, lol, i think cracking it when you're in mid panic wouldn't help too much but at least it kinda does help b/c there are some great coping phrases in the book that i find useful. Why don't you start trying to work on the workbook?

[furryballys]

Anyways, how's the sleep goin btw? Have you always had insomnia?

[asianeko]

It's always taken me a while to fall asleep, but I've never had problems like I do now. As for the anxiety workbook, I think I'll work on it for sure.

BUT, I HAD TO COPY/PASTE FROM MY HYPNOTHERAPY THREAD!!

Cuz I'm going to Hypnotherapy now

Had my first session today! I LOVE IT! Already I am less panicky than usual, and I was able to go out to a new restaurant to eat, and not worry about a gentleman rather loudly belching a few tables back. I had an hour long car ride home, in which I had stomach pains, and I immediately dismissed them knowing it was gas, not even worrying about it making me n* like I usually worry!

I'm going to a certified Hypnotherapist in Columbus, Ohio. He's been practicing for nearly 40 years. The guy was very nice, and very helpful. He himself has helped emets before, and he's very confident that I'll be okay. He's pretty laid back, and I feel that he genuinely wants me to get better.

My next session is Thursday, and I'll post about that as well. I'm really really excited about this!

[asianeko]

Another quick update!

Hypnotherapy went amazing! More of that in the therapy section. Anyhow, I did v* this past Sunday, three times!! Geeze SV! I'm still alive, and though I was miserable, I didn't scream, cry, or have a panic attack. I think I did pretty well!

Just wanted to share with you all, you CAN get through this!

[asianeko]

I need to update this more...

2 weeks ago I had a sv, and I did the deed 3 times. I was totally fine! I mean, I was miserable, but I didn't cry and didn't panic. I accepted what was coming, let it happen, then moped around cuz I felt like crap lol.

However, my fear lies more in others being ill. I was terrified Kris would catch it, because I didn't know if I could stand to hear him sick. Thankfully, he stayed sv free!

[asianeko]

Updating again!

I really think I'm getting good at coping, and I need to update this more so everybody can see that IT IS POSSIBLE TO COPE WITH EMETOPHOBIA! As I type this I have an upset stomach and no appetite, but I'm not too scared. I was for a moment, but my brain isn't panicking. I'm 99% sure I won't be ill, because the N isn't in the right spot. Reasoning has helped me a lot.

Since my last post I have not V again, but I've been convinced I would I few times, and managed to keep my cool. I heard a woman getting ill in the stall next to me at the Pub, and although I did run out of the bathroom fast, I didn't leave the establishment. I also didn't think for once I could catch it, just that she had drank too much.

I'm ok with smelling beer on my boyfriend's breath. He hasn't had more than 4 beers (that's the number I feel comfortable with, since I know he can handle it) aside from once, and that once he had 5, and he was fine. He said he knew he'd be ok, and he wanted me to know he would be too. The 5 he had was also over like, 5 hours. I didn't touch alcohol until I was 21, and I've never been to my limit, so I don't quite understand the whole time vs quantity thing. I know why it is that way, but I can't judge it on him.

I don't check to see how many beers my friends have had when we're out, and I generally don't ask Kris how much he's had either.

I watched K-19: The Widowmaker to see the V scene (and it's a great movie... I'm a Harrison Ford nut) and I saw it with minimal "damage" I thought it was disgusting and my heart and stomach leapt, but I didn't panic or shake or cry, I just thought it was nasty. Granted, I didn't watch the rest in the movie, but I don't watch the gory things in TV and films anyway since it's hard to get the images out of my head. Why put them in there in the first place?

I saw it as a surprise in a youtube video, no sound, just MILDLY GRAPHIC projectile for about half a second Safe now! I didn't even notice it the first time through, but the second time my heart leapt, but I quickly was okay.

I haven't seen anybody do the deed in real life yet since therapy.

[ann32]

i am so glad you are doing well...i am kind of at that point as well...I know where the nausea feeling will be if I am sick, I know that all of my feelings are just anxiety and stress and panic!!! so glad things are going better for you!

[asianeko]

Thanks! Even typing up this thread helped me get over it soooo much. I made a thread in the Private Forums on some of the main things that helped me get to this point, I hope others take steps forward to take control of their lives again I'm glad you've progressed as well!

[ejb199]

really good to hear you are doing well. i posted in your other thread the positive things ive been doing too to help myself get better.

another thing with seeing vomit on tv or film - i try and laugh out loud if it has made me jump and just go eww yuck and then concentrate on the film - i.e what "normal" non emet people usually do! im trying to stop making a big drama out of everything.

keep up the good work hey
Emma xx

[asianeko]

Well, not gonna say it's a step backwards because it's not.

I went out with my coworkers last night and has 2 Daquiris. Not enough to get me drunk (I've never been drunk!) but enough to make me a little nervous afterwards. I think. I was nervous on a subconcious level I'm sure, because I couldn't sleep in my bed, I was just uncomfortable and tense about my stomach. I wasn't panicky or anything. I ended up on the couch since I knew I had to wake up in 5 hours and the couch is my go to spot when I need to fall asleep faster. I did end up having to potty a few times, and then I was asleep alright with no panicking and whatnot.

I guess it's just a little hiccup?

[furryballys]

Just a little hiccup, you're fine! Glad to hear you're making progress, me too. Take care.

[Leigh6870]

Can't remember if I've ever posted on here, but I sleep on the sofa too. For some reason it's my security blanket. Like I won't V if I'm on the sofa (yeah right it could happen anywhere) LOL. Gradually making it back to the bed and I've never even V in bed so I don't know why I do this.

[asianeko]

It's just a great comfort spot It's funny, I'm doing amazingly well with my emet now. However, I still go to the couch if I need to fall asleep fast, even when it's non emet related

[jmdonofrio]

I like reading your progress thread! It's showing me that even though there are setbacks, there are always two steps forward to make up for it

[asianeko]

I'm glad it's helped you! Writing everything out helped me a lot too, but I'm sure you know that! Looking back and seeing how far I've come is always a wonderful thing.