Punished for my emetophobia

[damean29]

My wife texted my yesterday while at the gym to go out to eat! This was my "pavlov's bell" and sent me into fear mode. Yesterday I wasn't able to eat meals but only small amounts. Anyway went to psychiatrst for first time today - all okay but was mentally drained. My wife still expected me to go out to dinner even though she knows what a torture it is for me (well i explained the torture but she doesn't know like we do). When I said i was not up to it she went off saying "oh now we are gonna never go anywhere or do anything because of your phobia! This will be a nail in the coffin for me" then she slammed doors and went upstairs. eventually she came down to eat but then said, "have fun sleeping on the couch." Does anyone else's signficant others ever react this way? For the record, I always go out to eat when she wents to even though I have the fear of vomiting and fear of nausea and the shakes and sweaty palms and throat constriction. I just didn't want to go through it today.

[katemariexoo]

I'm sorry this is happening to you ): While it isn't fair that you always go out to eat when your wife wants, it's hard for people without the phobia to understand how constricting it can be. She may not realize that her words/"sleeping on the couch" aren't going to make you put your fear aside, but it just stirs up your emotions even more. Maybe sometime when your wife and you are both calm, you can sitdown and talk to her and describe to her what it's like to have the phobia, and how it feels when she asks you to go out, says things like that etc.

Maybe your psychiatrist (in due time) will help you set up mental plans you can take for once a month outings with your wife to dinner? (:

[asianeko]

It sounds like she doesn't understand how crippling this phobia can be. Would she be willing to try and understand? There is a really good book titled "Living with Emetophobia: Coping with Extreme Fear of Vomiting" you can order online. ( Here it is on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Living-Emetoph.../dp/1843105365 ) It has many first hand stories and examples of just how terrifying it is for a person. I know she lives with you, and should understand it. I live with my very understanding boyfriend, and he said reading the book helped him even more.

Has your wife ever seen you completely giving in to your fear? Does she understand just how terrified you are? Does she know the fear, or does she know ABOUT the fear. Again, since you and your wife are different people than my boyfriend (Kris) and I, I'm not sure if this would help or not.

I had told Kris I was emet, and he was cautious around me, but he really understood after he was ill one night and saw how much of a mess it made me. Since that first time he watches the world with an emet's eye, warning me of TV shows and movies, and being extra sensitive and eager to help calm me down during the panics.

Hopefully things turn up soon for you! I would speak with your psychiatrist about it and see what help he/she has to offer.

[olschesky]

sorry have her read the research and question and answer section on this forum.......lots of info that really explains it........she needs to realize that you arent the only one that feels like this and that it is truly terrifying when it strikes.....

good luck

[jadepanic]

you could sit her down infront of this site maybe and ask her to read through some of our problems and make her realise just what everyone else with emetophobia goes through....it ent pretty!! maybe that would make her see,I feel so sorry for you,i personally wouldn't be able to stay with someone like that.im here for you Damean!! jade.xx

[sage]

Sounds like it was a really stressful day for you, damean29. I know that therapy sessions can be extremely taxing on not only the mind but the body too. I agree with the previous posters that you need to take some time to talk with your wife about your phobia when neither of you are emotionally reacting. I'm sure she has her stressors too, living with an emetophobic person, so I hope you can also try to see it her way. I don't normally flog my book on here, but in your case you might benefit from it. Check it out at http://www.evokingchange.com

[Tristesse]

I think you really need to talk to her and explain this phobia to her. It's something people CAN'T understand because n*/v* are such a part of life and now for whatever reason also all over movies/tv. Write a letter, your feelings, anything related. Show her. Remind her that you love her and you know it's hard for her to deal with your phobia but GENTLY remind her that you're the one who lives in fear...

[damean29]

I have explained alot to her. Kinda feels like she's more interesting in analyzing our past and identifying times she thought there was something wrong (like out on dates, out to eat, over for dinner - before we were married). I think she is also mad cuz she thinks we can never do anything at that my emetophobia will "trap" us in the house (although I am never confined to my house). I guess it will be a work in progress in getting her to understand.

[Tristesse]

I hate to even suggest this but is she perhaps looking for an excuse? Or using your phobia against you?

[jadepanic]

I am so gobsmacked by this behaviour in her...married life = in SICKNESS and in health!!