How does a emet find a girlfriend / boyfriend

[marvin08]

Hi,

Im a 25 male. Because of my phobia I have almost no friend.
I wonder how a emets can develop a relationship ?
Pls share your experience.

[BreaRose]

Well, I actually met my boyfriend at an old job of mine and it just kind of stuck, haha.
To be very honest with you, internet dating sites can be very helpful. Before I met my boyfriend, I looked into a couple of them and actually did go on a few dates with some guys. They were, in general, very nice but ultimately I was too young at the time to know what I REALLY wanted and so they never turned into anything. And I know 2 couples that met online and are married with children (happily!) now. So, I don't think it's quite the taboo like it used to be. And not everyone on dating sites are discusting weirdos either. The internet provides a safe barrier between you and another person so that you can talk and be open without having to worry about physical things. Then, if you hit it off, make a date!

Also, I find that it's much easier to just be upfront with people about emet when you first start considering a relationship. Because, if it's a deal breaker, it's better to know earlier than later. And just be candid about it, it's not anything to be ashamed about (though, I admit, I have a hard time believing that myself sometimes). If you tell someone that you are emet, this is what emet is, but I am working on getting over it then the person that you want to be involved with can either support you like a partner should or they can leave you.

Also, if you don't want to do that. Maybe try taking a public class? Like an art class? Or maybe join a book club? Or something of that sort in your area?

[harmonygirl72]

Yes, I met my husband on Match.com!

[asianeko]

I met my boyfriend in World of Warcraft hahaha. He is just really super nice and understanding about my emet.

[marvin08]

thx for all the advices. Any comments from male emets ?

[NaiveAndTrue]

Just don't let it be a hugely defining part of your character. I'm sure I speak for most of us when I admit that it's something we think about more than a few times a day. But we think about other things, too.

We're all people with jobs, hobbies, likes, dislikes. . . no one is perfect. Just accept that it's only a part of you, not all of you! You don't have to tell anyone the first time you meet them, "Hi my name's Jen, by the way I have a crippling fear of throwing up. . .". The more you accept it, the more others will. Just give them a chance to know ALL of you. You'll find most people worth knowing will forgive your imperfections.

[john f.]

Any comments from male emets ?

Based on my own observations since I've signed up here, it seems almost none of the women on this board have any trouble finding someone who's accepting of their phobia, but for the men it's pretty much the opposite, especially after school when play time is over and it's time to "settle down". I don't think it has much to do with the phobia itself though, rather the differing priorities between men and women in what they're looking for in a partner.

Do you have a decent job/income? A car? Your own place? Are you able to go out and have a good time at restaurants, go on trips etc.? The phobia itself isn't the problem, the problem is the degree to which it negatively affects your material life (click me). These things don't really factor as much for men pursuing women. All most men want is an attractive woman whose company he enjoys (this is why single men cannot be close friends with women who they're attracted to. They'll always want more, and suffer serious emotional distress from it).

Though I know there really are women out there who don't care about material things so much, I happen to know a few (sister, best friend's girlfriend), they're just really rare. I kind of look at it as a blessing in disguise. I don't honestly believe I'll be alone for the rest of my life, and when I do find the right woman, at least I'll know she likes me for me. Divorce rates are around 50% these days aren't they? I wonder why...

[Francesca]

Well let's see... I developed emetophobia when I was 21. I'm now 47 and I've been married and divorced twice, had a child, and dated several men in between marriages. So to answer your question, "how does an emetophobe find a boyfriend/girlfriend?" My answer: "Like everyone else does, I guess." Shrugs.

[crd08]

It hasn't really played too much into my relationships. I have dated two guys, both lasting over 2 years. In the end, it wasn't even my phobia that ended it. I have also had many dates/kinda short things in between.
The right person won't judge you because of it. My ex and my current guy was/is very supportive. They don't "understand" but they still grasp that it's a serious issue. They see how hard I work to get better and I think that helps.
Then again, I don't allow the phobia to completely control me. I still live a pretty normal life. I'm your average 20 yr old, who just is afraid of vomit. I go to school, I work full time, I go out with friends, etc

I'm obviously not a male, but still..everybody has quirks/issues. It's just bout finding someone who can overlook them for all your good qualities.

[JenevaClare]

I met my boyfriend through in high school, he gets annoyed that he cant take me to parties and out with him very often but he's is still supportive.I told him about my phobia right away. He thought i was just dramatic at first but now he understands. you just have to be upfront about it and hope that its something they will love you for. but it is hard to meet someone when you cant go out very much. just be friendly i guess. sorry if i didn't help much =/

[SarahV]

This might not be the solution you are looking for but what ive learned is if you find the "right" person he/she will understand the situation. Ive been in relationships all my adult life with having my fear/phobia and ive learned to be stong and honest with yourself and the other person about what your dealing with. The right person will help you though your problems not run from them...

Ive seen it first hand in my relationship and my brothers as well. He is bi polar and he has ocd. His fiance is understanding and takes care of him when he hits rough spots.

So chin up and remember there is someone out there for everyone.
Best of luck

[iluvhockey987]

Luckily I met my boyfriend before I developed this phobia, but I feel like I put him through so much when I go through my panic attacks. I completely agree with the person who posted above me, you will find the right person. He completely understands what I go through and helps me through my panic attacks. He is one of two people in the world who can calm me down, and I thank the Lord that I found him.

[xinsidethefirex]

My boyfriend is nice about it but he doesn't understand. However, he hasn't had a sv* for the duration of our relationship and he never seems to get ill. Which is good for me. It's nice having someone to talk to in person about it. No one else really knows. It's nice to have him there at night when I go to sleep.

[sdfl]

Met mine here..so we're pretty much set as far as emet goes. Thankfully I am in recovery.

I think it is mainly finding one who cares enough about your person to wish to establish a relationship and all the natural struggles that will come with. In this case, emetophobia. My advice, never wait to tell of your phobia till in the midst of a freak out, but try not to use it as the topic of discussion when you first meet a potential interest either.

[verityvee]

My boyfriend is absolutley amazing.
We met when I was pretty well (didnt have hardly any panic attacks, even put on a fair bit of weight). But I got ill last year and he helped me so much I can never thank him enough. I will love him always for that. He doesnt really understand but he does sympathise and he knows how much it upsets me and makes me panic.

You just have got to try and live your life and forget about it.
My brother says that you have got to try and beat it even if its impossible.

Good luck

[emmalinda]

it affects me greatly because i dont really go out or socialise much. it really sucks. i really care about what people think of me, so i just thhink that my fear and anxiety would be too much for someone to handle and not worth the relationship i guess.

[_katherine]

I met my boyfriend online. He's quite a bit older than me and doesn't drink or anything.
I like online dating because I can "narrow down" people easily and I don't have to go out to a drinking place to meet someone.

He knows of my phobia and is careful to make sure that movies that we see together don't have v* in it. He's very caring.

[NaiveAndTrue]

it affects me greatly because i dont really go out or socialise much. it really sucks. i really care about what people think of me, so i just thhink that my fear and anxiety would be too much for someone to handle and not worth the relationship i guess.

That happened to me for a long time, and I admit that sometimes it's still a struggle. Parties are hard. . . lots of people in a house with maybe one bathroom and no privacy. Yikes!

I've really found it best for myself not to keep it a secret. Most people are decent and will be okay with it. If I'm in a situation that's a trigger or may be, I own up right away. I keep things light. If it's no big deal to me, it's no big deal to them. Everyone moves on and is understanding that I may not want a beer, or even though Jenni is 5'1 and cute you DON'T. EVER. Pick her up and turn her upside down. LOL. Seriously. I go psycho evil and will bite off your kneecap to get you to let me go.

You just got to give people a chance!!

Last night I went on a haunted hayride with a group of my boyfriend's friends. . . for the first time withOUT my boyfriend. Since we were all piled into one car, I flat out admitted with a big smile on my face that I was fine with sitting way in the back as long as I had a window. One of the other girls joked about getting car sick in the back, and I admitted that it's the only thing I'm scared of (backed that up well enough during the attractions. . . I didn't jump once. ).

They made some jokes about pretending to throw up, and once I clarified that I was only scared of the contagious kind, and told them about my breakthrough at work on Wednesday, the guys were actually impressed. I got ragged on a little bit, but that's what friends do. Honesty is always the best way to go! At least if someone does go all asshole on you over it, it's early on before you waste too much time on them!!

[chocolategirl]

I wish i could find a guy with emet who was perfect for me. I'd accept him for all his flaws and understand his fears

[wargerbil]

I met my husband online.

[alisha27]

I wish i could find a guy with emet who was perfect for me. I'd accept him for all his flaws and understand his fears

I always wondered what it would be like to have a spouse with emet also. I wonder if it would help the both cope better with the phobia or make it worse. I think it would be neat but it is also good to have someone without the same issue so there is a balance within the relationship. If two emets decide to have children someday that could maybe pose a problem of whom is going to take care of sick kiddos...one must be stronger then the other.

[hairyfairy]

I don`t see how being emet stops you from having friends, because I would`nt want to be friends with people who make an issue out of emetophoba. I`m sure there are plenty of people out there who would be understanding, & who have phobias of their own which seem silly too most people. I`ve known people who are scared too death of cats, even tiny kittens, & others who are terrified of moths & other harmless insects, I might see their fears as a bit silly, but I wouldn`t laugh at them.

[emmalinda]

noone has ever gone all arsehole over me on it, just looked at me strangely like i had 3 heads or something. they thought i was wierd. i would love to have a bf. and my emet is usually pretty good if im feeling fine. i can do amost anything if i dont feel n* or have belly ache or anything else like that. but as soon as i come down with something im a wreck. i act out and become very stressed. i become strange and just leave wherever i am. i always thought that noone would ever wanna be with someone like that.