My Kids Need Their Mom Back

[Julia31]

I remember when I was sick as a kid and all I wanted was my mom. Why can't I give my kids that?? I shove a bucket by their head and give them some Gingerale and hide in my room! I've even considered getting a surgical mask and gloves when they have the flu. Moms are supposed to be loving when their kids are sick and I don't feel like I'm a good mom. I've been thinking of taking up some type of hobby to take my mind off of this because it's overtaking my life. I look at all the moms picking up their kids at school and they all seem happy and normal and then there's me ready to take off and get home for fear I'll throw up in public. This is no way to live!! I have to force myself to walk to pick my kids up from school, I don't go anywhere. I'm sick of this!!

[olschesky]

sounds like you are having a really hard time with your emet right now. i've had some pretty low spots myself....but i know that in time they always end and things kind of go normally.

the big difference between you and i is that i don't have any children.....never had that mother instinct.....but now that i'm older ...58....i think maybe it was my emet that kept me from having them.

there are alot of mothers on here and hopefully they can give you some guidance and support on how they deal with sick children,

don't give up......you can get through this.......

[boriqua81]

Hey Julia..your not alone. I feel the same way. I have a 3 yr old and a 7 yr old. Its rough!!!! So you also have the fear of v* in public? That is my biggest problem with this emet. It is taking over and like you said i just want to be that mom that is happy go lucky when i get my kids etc. I hope to get over this one day!!!! I am here if you need to talk :-)

[Julia31]

Yes it's mainly throwing up in public that I'm afraid of. I feel a lot of comfort in my home which means I stay in a lot. I think of all the time I've wasted sitting in my house in fear. I just can't seem to get past it. I was also on Yaz which made it 10 times worse!! When I was on that pill my panic attacks worsened and the emetophobia got much worse to the point where I was tempted to keep the kids at home so I wouldn't have to go pick them up. My sister in laws daughter got sick at school one day all over her. She went home and got changed and when she came to pick up her kids she was touching my kids hair and their face and all I could think of was get your hands off my kids!! Your daughter has the flu and threw up all over you!! I didn't say that because it's embarrassing to think that way but I was completely panicking inside and ran home and gave the kids a bath. It seems to be controlling my life. I just have to figure out a way to get my life back.

[ButterfliesInHerEyes]

I used to be so bad with my emetophobia that I became agoraphobic and rarely left the house, and I too felt like the worst mother in the world, especially because I was a single mom for most of my daughter's childhood. However, despite being absolutely terrified and then not eating for close to a week until I felt "safe" again, I always managed to be there for my daughter and take care of her when she was sick. In fact, I somehow managed to appear extremely calm on the outide, even though inside I was dying, because I did not want my daughter to learn this fear from me. So I really downplayed vomiting with her..... "it's okay honey, you're okay, it's just what's making your tummy hurt coming out and then you'll feel better." That kind of thing. My daughter is now an adult and, thank God, she does not have a fear of vomiting.

I guess what you have to do is care about someone more than yourself in order to put your fears aside, or at least hide them well, and be there for your kids when they need you most - when they're sick.

I'm not saying you don't care about your children - of course you do. You'd probably die for them, like any normal parent, right? But, will you live for them? (LIVE not just exist)

Think too what you're teaching these children when you shove a bucket under their face and make a quick exit. What does that tell them about being sick, especially vomiting? Worse than that, how are they going to misinterpret how their mom feels about them when she won't take care of them when they need her most? I'm not trying to make you feel guilty here, I know you already feel enough of that. But seriously, you're a mom, and as moms we HAVE TO put our own suffering aside and put our children first. You can do it. The panic always goes away so nothing is going to happen to you if you stay there and take care of them while they vomit. And, you think you're avoiding catching what they have by leaving the room? You're not, because most things are contagious days before symptoms appear so just by living with them makes you susceptible. Again, not trying to scare you, just trying to get you to think realistically. How often have you been sick yourself after your children vomited? Probably never. Why? Because most adults already had all the childhood illnesses by the time we become parents so our immune system is strong.

Anyway I'm rambling. Go be the mom you ARE and don't let this phobia rob you and your children of another minute of your lives. You can do it.

[jmdonofrio]

I know exactly how you feel. I have a 10 month old and am dreading the day she gets a SV*. I'll be a wreck and I feel awful about it because I want her to know that her mommy will be there and make it all better but I just can't bare the thought of it. I'm hoping that when the time comes I'll be able to just put the fear out of my mind and help her but who knows.

You are not a bad mom though. You love your kids but this fear sometimes just overtakes things. It certainly has nothing to do with your parenting skills though. Keep your head up and know that your kids love you!

[sage]

Oh gosh Julia it sounds like you're really suffering from this. I used to be just like you, though, if that's any help. Have you looked into treatment at all? I know it can be tough with kids. I have a lot of info about it on my website if you're interested. Even recommendations for cheap internet programs, books, etc. if you can't afford traditional therapy.