My Story (I'm New)
Hi there, my name is Emily!
Just thought I would share my story here because I have never told anyone before...hopefully it will feel good to get it off my chest!
I never realized that emetophobia was a real thing until less than a year ago, but now that I know what it is, I realize that I have suffered from it most of my life. I never get sv*, but I've always been afraid that I will. This fear wasn't very intense until about 3 years ago. When I was 16, I couldn't even remember the last time I had v* -- it had been at least 10 years! But one night I was babysitting, and the parents said that the daughter had d*. I had to change her diaper, and that is likely how I caught what was the worst sv* I could imagine! It was awful...I won''t go into detail because I know everyone on here doesn't want to hear it!
Anyways, it was really bad especially because I was totally caught off guard.
My dad bought a package of Gravol the next day, and I was so freaked out that I was still sick so I took it for a few nights to calm my anxiety and help me sleep. This was a bad idea!! I started taking it every night because my fear was so intense. It started off that I would just take them at night to help me sleep and not wake up in a panic, but then I started feeling anxious during the day and would take Gravol to go to school or different events. I'm sure you guys know how drowsy gravol makes you feel...I was always in a haze because I was taking it to go everywhere. When I got my license, I was always making trips to the drugstore to get more gravol. That's where I discovered the "natural source" gravol. I was sooo happy because I could finally take gravol without being tired! But that's when it got really bad. I don't know if I actually developed a tolerance to it or if it was just in my head that I was tolerant to it, but I started taking more and more every night. At my worst point (this past summer) I would take at least 80 tablets every night. Sometimes 100, if I was actually feeling slightly ill. I was going to the drugstore every day, rotating stores so that it wouldn't be so embarrassing. But it was anyways...I would go up to the cashier with 6 packages of gravol, and it was so awkward seeing the judgmental and questioning looks on their faces. Once, before I went away to visit relatives, I bought 10 boxes at once and everyone in line was staring. It was my lowest point ever. And the worst part? That would only get me through maybe 3 nights. If I was lucky.
I was spending all my money on gravol, and it was humiliating showing up at stores every day to stock up. I was totally addicted. I realized that I had to stop. Slowly, I've managed to break my addiction but I still carry gravol in my purse -- just in case. I haven't taken a tablet since early January and I'm so proud of myself! I know that for the rest of my life, I'll probably still feel the need to have gravol on hand and in my purse, and probably every time I go on holiday or stay the night somewhere, I will have to take a few tablets. But at least I'm not ingesting 100 tablets even when I'm home and feeling totally fine.
Anways you're probably all sick of reading this and you probably don't care, but I really needed to share this! I still have severe emetophobia, and being in university has really been a struggle, but I'm almost done first year and I have been able to get through it without gravol. Lately, my fears have been getting really intense again and that's why I joined the site. I need to be able to help my anxiety without gravol, because I can't go back to where I was last summer.
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