I'm so exhausted

[BensMom]

Hi All,
Well I'm relatively new here, although I've been reading posts for awhile. I just joined a few days ago. So I'm a 41 year old emet, who has been this way since I was 16 years old. Over the years the severity of my phobia has gone through bad times and not so bad times....needless to say, I'm in one of those bad times right now. I'm writing now because last Wednesday (9 days ago) my husband came home from work (he works in the evenings) saying " don't freak out but I'm not feeling well. I v* 2 times tonight, I ate something bad"...of course that was enough to send me into full fledged panic! So ever since then my stomach has been a mess worrying that it wasn't something he ate, but a sv*. I haven't eaten much except for the last couple of days and I've had serious acid coming up in my throat and pains in my stomach. I was having a pretty good day today and now that it's night time, the acid and pain has come back again and once agina, I'm sure I won't sleep....I'm so tired both physically and mentally. I just want it to stop...In my mind I think, well if it was a sv* I surely would have had it by now. I often realize during the course of the day that I'm tensing my stomach...could this be causing the pain and acid? I just don't know and I'm just so tired and feel so all alone. The second part of this story is related to the alone feeling. I know alot of us feel very alone in this. When I was 16 and this phobia started along with the panic, my mom was the most supportive mother anyone could ask for. She would get up with me and walk around the block and help me concentrate on breathing etc, no matter how tired she was or what was going on with her. My mom died 10 months ago (6 months and 5 days after my father died) and this is the first really bad full blown panic about v* since she died....so I feel especially alone right now...I can't call her on the phone or see her. I tried talking to my sister, and she was as helpful as she could be, but it's just not the same. Anyway, I just needed to get this out and let you all know that this forum has been a great comfort to me, especially in the last nine days, as I sit awake at all hours of the night. Thanks for listening.

[stefanie]

awww hon your story about your mom brought tears to my eyes. My mom is amazing too she is and has always been sooo supportive of me with this phobia. She has a milder case of emeto (just can't stand seeing v* but isn't afraid of herself v* or catching sv*). So she feels bad when she sees how severe my phobia is. I can't imagin loosing her and I feel so bad for you.

My grandmother died a year ago and she was also soooo supportive and sometimes even a little more so in her sweet way and I miss her like you would not believe I miss calling her up and talking to her about how I feel.

Is your husband supportive? Mine is as much as he can be, the odd time he'll get a little frusterated but usually that is only when I won't watch a certain movie cause of v* but when he sees that I'm feelig particularly bad he is always there.

We are here for you! This website is amazing it's helped me so much since i've joined, it's sometiems just enough to come on here and know that you are not alone in what you are feeling or going throuhg. I also find when i'm having one of my complete break downs where i'm being so irrational and silly but soo scared I know I can post on here and get tons of encouragment from people who truly understand.

Welcome my dear! We are all here to help!

[BensMom]

Thank you so very much! I really appreciate your words of kindness and support. I don't think I have it in my profile but I live in the United States (New Jersey) but am orginally from Canada...I see you are from Canada too! I also find I get on this website when I'm really panicking and just reading the other posts makes me feel not quite so alone.

My husband is extremely supportive although I know he doesn't really understand it. He got a little annoyed the other night when he was not well because I made it all about me...I get that. That's part of the phobia that I hate...the inability to be there for someone who isn't well because of this phobia! Since then though he's been very understanding and supportive.

I see on a different thread you've decided to have a baby! Congratulations! I'll send good vibes to you to have an easy time of it!!!!

My husband and I don't have any kids...my username (BensMom) is the name of one of our dogs.

Anyway, finally feeling like I might be able to sleep. Thanks again for the reply!

[KaydeeJayde]

My mum is incredibly supportive of me, too. It must be so hard for you, I'm so sorry.

It's great that your husband is as supprtive as he can be. My boyfriend is as supportive as he can be. But he has stomach issues and gets sick a bit, so he gets frustrated because he thinks that when he's ill I'm just trying to make it all about me. He tries to support me though.

Oh, you have dogs? My puppy is more supportive than any of the men in my life. He comes and sits with me when I'm panicking. Do you find your dogs help when you're anxious?

[Jada2010]

I am SO sorry about your mom I cant even imagine how difficult that must be.. especially at times like this! However I am so unbelievably happy that you found this forum because it such a tremendous help, i cant even tell you how much it's helped me! There is such an amazing support system here, and just know that we are all here for you!!
Hang in there! It will pass!

Sending love and prayers your way *hugs*

[WbW28]

Hello BensMom,
I can actually say that I know exactly what you are going through. My fiance caught a sv in January and for 6 days I hardly ate anything and could not relax. I was just so tired I couldn't bare it, I finally started to calm down and on the 8th day I got it. However I only got the diarrhea version thank goodness. Even though it wasn't much relief, because when your an Emet, diarrhea is always associated with v*. I just joined today and I have had this problem ever since I was a little girl, since I was 7- and I'm 28 now. What I'm having the most trouble with is having IBS and how my stomach is messed up a lot. I really, really want to not associate that with my fear, but I can't help it. My IBS can affect me sometimes up to 3 days a week. This is no life to live. I'm getting married in October and I'm sooooooo.....exhausted. My family and my fiance are amazing and so supportive, but I hate putting them through this.