Early hours of panic

[Tasha'93]

Well, it's 03:52am (UK time) and i've been rudely awoken by my own body telling me I feel sick

I'm starting to feel a little out of control/over the top writing threads like this(this is my second one in regards to a 'panic thread') but it helps me to release how i'm feeling a bit and to be honest I don't know what else to do right now.

As the same as many Emet sufferers on here, anxiety comes as part of the package which is just a nightmare as i'm sure you'll all agree. I've woken up feeling shakey, nauseated, lump in throat as if somethings trying to come up, stomach rumbling & constipated (i'm usually constipated anyway, but right now with how i'm feeling it's the last thing I need). I just feel really heavy and as if I want to lay down but at the same time I feel like I need to walk around/move about in order to try and get rid of this feeling. I'm scared, really scared.

Did the symptoms above sound familliar to anyone? & does anyone else have trouble with waking up late at night or TOO early in the morning?

[orton99]

Hi Tasha, sorry for the delayed reply but I didn’t have time to write one this morning and logging on to forums at work is seriously frowned on. I can look at the board, but I daren’t log on and so can’t post!

Anyway, I’m sorry to hear that you were upset and anxious during the night, although as I’m writing this about 14 hours later I’m guessing that at least the scare in itself is over now. Assuming that the worst didn’t happen (and even if it did the following is still relevant), you need to take a deep breath and calmly think through what’s really going on here as opposed to what you fear is going on.

I’m sure you’ve long since realised that the number of times you feel sick and the number of times you actually are don’t remotely match up (and just looking at many of the posts on this board will also make that point), so clearly something else is happening and, as you rightly suggest, if it isn’t physical then the only other explanation has to be mental. (Well okay, it could be the evil machinations of the Nausea Pixie, but I think we can safely discount that third option.)

As I said yesterday, I’ve had some strange “symptoms” over the past couple of months myself, such as mysterious stomach aches and that uncomfortable sharp feeling in my cheeks that you get an extreme version of when you are just about to be sick. However, none of them ever came to anything and I’m convinced they were just psychosomatic, a theory given a lot of credibility by the fact that once I started to think that’s all they were they didn’t happen nearly as much, as if I broke the spell by questioning them. So yes, anxiety (mental) can and I’m sure does produce feelings of nausea (physical) so that would make sense. Trouble sleeping is something else I’ve experienced as well, when the phobia was at its worst recently, as I was lying in bed worrying about the evening meal and convinced that it had tasted funny etc, but again nothing ever came of it and once I realised that and stopped thinking about it so much – hey presto!- I started to sleep much better.

Also, did you try and break a ritual last night? If you did, I’m wondering that your mind might have been unsettled, as you’ve had a long time of thinking something bad will happen if you don’t do a ritual but haven’t yet practiced breaking it enough to realise it won’t, so felt unusually anxious. In other words, your trying to do without the security blanket might have caused some initial withdrawal symptoms!

In addition, I know you’ve said in other posts that your eating patterns can be a bit irregular and this is probably feeding into the various physical sensations. In fact, I’d be amazed if this isn’t one of the first things your GP homes in on tomorrow, as they’ll point out that if you’re not eating the way you should then of course your body’s going to complain. So, start feeling better mentally to the point where you start eating properly again and I’m sure a lot of these physical symptoms will either disappear or at least noticeably diminish.

Finally, I agree with what I think is your implication about panic posting, that endlessly doing so is counter-productive, as doing so over a long period of time not only implies that the poster is stuck in a rut and isn’t getting any better, but also that they’re spending time on it that could be more productively spent trying to arrange some sort of help. However, be kind and give yourself a break on this one!

Yes, you’ve got the doctor tomorrow and a first counselling appointment at the end of next month that will hopefully start setting you right, but the point is neither of them have happened yet, so you’re still by definition in the same place you have been for a while, ie worried and anxious. Put that way, a bit of panic posting hardly seems like a capital offence. If the therapy starts working and yet you still find you’re panic posting then I’d say that something’s not right, but not if you’re doing so now!

Don’t beat yourself up over it as you’ve got more important things to think about right now, such as that doctor’s appointment (ie source of help and ultimately of relief and happiness) tomorrow… Hope all goes well and I’ll look forward to hearing about it!

[Tasha'93]

Hi Tasha, sorry for the delayed reply but I didn’t have time to write one this morning and logging on to forums at work is seriously frowned on. I can look at the board, but I daren’t log on and so can’t post!

Anyway, I’m sorry to hear that you were upset and anxious during the night, although as I’m writing this about 14 hours later I’m guessing that at least the scare in itself is over now. Assuming that the worst didn’t happen (and even if it did the following is still relevant), you need to take a deep breath and calmly think through what’s really going on here as opposed to what you fear is going on.

I’m sure you’ve long since realised that the number of times you feel sick and the number of times you actually are don’t remotely match up (and just looking at many of the posts on this board will also make that point), so clearly something else is happening and, as you rightly suggest, if it isn’t physical then the only other explanation has to be mental. (Well okay, it could be the evil machinations of the Nausea Pixie, but I think we can safely discount that third option.)

As I said yesterday, I’ve had some strange “symptoms” over the past couple of months myself, such as mysterious stomach aches and that uncomfortable sharp feeling in my cheeks that you get an extreme version of when you are just about to be sick. However, none of them ever came to anything and I’m convinced they were just psychosomatic, a theory given a lot of credibility by the fact that once I started to think that’s all they were they didn’t happen nearly as much, as if I broke the spell by questioning them. So yes, anxiety (mental) can and I’m sure does produce feelings of nausea (physical) so that would make sense. Trouble sleeping is something else I’ve experienced as well, when the phobia was at its worst recently, as I was lying in bed worrying about the evening meal and convinced that it had tasted funny etc, but again nothing ever came of it and once I realised that and stopped thinking about it so much – hey presto!- I started to sleep much better.

Also, did you try and break a ritual last night? If you did, I’m wondering that your mind might have been unsettled, as you’ve had a long time of thinking something bad will happen if you don’t do a ritual but haven’t yet practiced breaking it enough to realise it won’t, so felt unusually anxious. In other words, your trying to do without the security blanket might have caused some initial withdrawal symptoms!

In addition, I know you’ve said in other posts that your eating patterns can be a bit irregular and this is probably feeding into the various physical sensations. In fact, I’d be amazed if this isn’t one of the first things your GP homes in on tomorrow, as they’ll point out that if you’re not eating the way you should then of course your body’s going to complain. So, start feeling better mentally to the point where you start eating properly again and I’m sure a lot of these physical symptoms will either disappear or at least noticeably diminish.

Finally, I agree with what I think is your implication about panic posting, that endlessly doing so is counter-productive, as doing so over a long period of time not only implies that the poster is stuck in a rut and isn’t getting any better, but also that they’re spending time on it that could be more productively spent trying to arrange some sort of help. However, be kind and give yourself a break on this one!

Yes, you’ve got the doctor tomorrow and a first counselling appointment at the end of next month that will hopefully start setting you right, but the point is neither of them have happened yet, so you’re still by definition in the same place you have been for a while, ie worried and anxious. Put that way, a bit of panic posting hardly seems like a capital offence. If the therapy starts working and yet you still find you’re panic posting then I’d say that something’s not right, but not if you’re doing so now!

Don’t beat yourself up over it as you’ve got more important things to think about right now, such as that doctor’s appointment (ie source of help and ultimately of relief and happiness) tomorrow… Hope all goes well and I’ll look forward to hearing about it!

Hiya, don't be sorry it's ok I didn't really expect a reply to this anyway it's just last night, well this morning was pretty awful and I just needed somewhere to vent how I was feeling, and seeing as everyone was asleep, and quite rightly so, I thought this would be the best place! But yes, i'll try not to be too hard on myself about it.

The physical symptoms are weird arent they? It just baffles me how, if this is anxiety related, it can make me feel such symptoms that are so physical, if that makes sense? All triggered from the mind.. just seems a bit unreal, but I know it is possible. I'm glad you're managing to sleep better, I suppose it is mind over matter when it comes to stuff like that, well.. this whole phobia is mind over matter a lot of the time isn't it? Tut.

I actually can't wait for tomorrow afternoon to come around, my doctors ear will never have been so bent in her whole career I doubt - But yeah, on a serious note i'm going to explain EVERYTHING and make sure she understands exactly what I mean. I don't want to be fobbed off as just another 'mental patient' and I refuse to be.

[orton99]

Well, phobias are a product of our minds, so the "mind over matter" perspective makes perfect sense. I wouldn't have believed that my mind could apparently manufacture physical feelings either, but seeing as I wasn't doing it before, was during the worst of the phobia and they are now easing off again as I'm feeling a bit better, what other possible explanation is there?

And you go in to the doctor tomorrow and darn well bend her ear off!!

[Tasha'93]

Well, phobias are a product of our minds, so the "mind over matter" perspective makes perfect sense. I wouldn't have believed that my mind could apparently manufacture physical feelings either, but seeing as I wasn't doing it before, was during the worst of the phobia and they are now easing off again as I'm feeling a bit better, what other possible explanation is there?

And you go in to the doctor tomorrow and darn well bend her ear off!!

Well yeah, that is true. You are a living, breathing example! - I am going to! I shall send you a PM with a full on report of what goes down!

[orton99]

Look forward to it! And don't give a thought to those little old ladies and their pile cream,will you?

[Tasha'93]

Look forward to it! And don't give a thought to those little old ladies and their pile cream,will you?

Haha, I'll try not to. To be fair, I hardly ever seek medical attention, they're probably there every week!

[claire43]

I too sometimes wake up in the early hours with a jolt convinced Im going to v*. This is usually followed by me having a full blown panic attack and pacing round my bedroom trying to talk some sense into myself! Once in a while the feeling has been so intense that I actually jump out of bed thinking Im going to v* there and then. Usually if I can get through the next hour or so without v* I can reassure myself that "it" probably wont happen. It really drains me and usually there is no pattern or no particular food or event that lead up to it - its just completely random. Thankfully Ive been having a pretty good few months lately but after getting some very sad news last week Ive definitely been feeling off stomach wise and am afraid the stress of the situation will trigger another full blown emet event!! Its good you are going to see your dr, personally Ive never plucked up the courage to fully explain my fears, I just tend to gloss over the severity of it by saying that I hate v* and will do anything to avoid it.

[Tasha'93]

I too sometimes wake up in the early hours with a jolt convinced Im going to v*. This is usually followed by me having a full blown panic attack and pacing round my bedroom trying to talk some sense into myself! Once in a while the feeling has been so intense that I actually jump out of bed thinking Im going to v* there and then. Usually if I can get through the next hour or so without v* I can reassure myself that "it" probably wont happen. It really drains me and usually there is no pattern or no particular food or event that lead up to it - its just completely random. Thankfully Ive been having a pretty good few months lately but after getting some very sad news last week Ive definitely been feeling off stomach wise and am afraid the stress of the situation will trigger another full blown emet event!! Its good you are going to see your dr, personally Ive never plucked up the courage to fully explain my fears, I just tend to gloss over the severity of it by saying that I hate v* and will do anything to avoid it.

The way you describe sort of experiencing a jolt and having to get out of bed to talk/walk yourself out if it sounds very much like me. I find it hard to sit still and stay in bed, I have to go get a glass of water or just pace around the house until the feeling wears off. I agree also with you that it is draining, very draining.

I have said this to other members on this forum but seriously, dont be afraid to go to your doctor about it. Theres no magic wand or something that tells you if you go you'll be cured, because unfortunately it doesn't work like that, we need to put the work in too. I'm trying to be positive that i'll eventually get over this by seeking help but I know i'll have to work hard too. Think about it, really.