Does your spouse *get* your phobia?

[Hatethisphobia]

I have been a lurker for some time now so I appreciate all of the posts I've read and have been able to relate to.
I am a mom to a 2.5 yr old son. I have been with my husband for over 10 yrs and have always been emetophobic. In college when we were together, everyone always knew I hated v* so in drunk situations I was always on edge and always made sure I didn't drink too much to lose that control. It was part of my nature - but it didn't consume me. I think when I became a mom and had a little walking person who I could not control what he put in his mouth at all times/that his hands were totally clean before he ate anything, etc started to make this phobia worse. And then at 13 months, he started to exhibit signs of food allergies and was randomly v* for 2+ months until they were all diagnosed. Now I am constantly on edge with worrying about not only catching a sv but also eating something that is going to make him sick. It drive my husband nuts and I can only imagine what it's like for him to live with me like this. It is on my mind 24/7 so I am constantly asking - did you wash his hands before he ate? Did you make sure this didn't have dairy, egg, etc in it? We are getting so frustrated with eachother because I think my constant nagging drives him nuts which leads him to not even want to answer my questions which then makes my anxiety worse. Does anyone else deal with this? It seems like so many spouses on here are either supportive or at least not trying to make the phobia worse for them. Like I said, I've always been this way - but way back when it was a quirky part of my nature - now it seems like it's consumed me and I can't relax. He is constantly telling me I need a shrink or medication and that his attitude is not contributing to making this worse for me

[ashley11]

I have also been marreid for 10 years and my husband has always known about my phobia. We have 2 kids, they are 6 and 4, he is very supportive but he does get annoyed especially when the kids had a sv* and I handed my 4 year old a trash can and ran out of the room. He got annoyed and yelled that night, but it is what I automatically do I walk or run away when one of my kids is feeling s*. Maybe you should see a doctor and get medication, I did and it has helped with the anxiety part of it and if my kids complain of a stomache I don't feel the need to run! I feel a little panicked but not like I used too. Good luck! It is nice to be able to hear from people who are going through the exact same thing!

[Hatethisphobia]

What kind of medication did you get? Is it something you take daily or situationally? My bff (single and kidless) but also slightly emet takes xanax in certain situations - and she thinks it helps her.

[Rebecca85]

My boyfriend doesn't completely get my phobia, I think it's very hard for someone who hasn't got a phobia to understand the panic. Having said that, he does look out for me in certain situations, and has never blamed me for leaving him when he's ill. I think you and your husband need to have a heart to heart. You could come to some sort of compromise, eg you need to at least try and get better, either with a psych, meds, or just by setting targets for yourself (eg not nagging your husband about checking foods). And in return he agrees to take over in situations where you truely can't manage, without making you feel worse about it.

[ashley11]

What kind of medication did you get? Is it something you take daily or situationally? My bff (single and kidless) but also slightly emet takes xanax in certain situations - and she thinks it helps her.

They put me on mirtazapine (remeron) and I just started luvox. I take both daily. They gave me zofran for just in case situations and knowing I have it makes me feel better too.

[Elski]

I don't think anyone who doesn't have emet can fully grasp it, my OH tries really hard though

[Danielle_Walton]

My OH tries really hard to understand me, when he had fp he v* and i ran straight out the room and called to his mom, luckily we are living with his parents lol... and i wouldnt go back into the room till the smell had gone... i just couldnt stand being in the same room .... i was constantly anxious, which is why im going to go the doctors to talk about some meds, as i cant carry on like this... i wouldnt let him touch or kiss me for 4 days.... even tho it wasnt a sv* i still was scared

[olschesky]

my husband "gets it" the best that a non emet can i think. since i've told him almost 2 years ago my anxiety level has dropped because i don't have to make up excuses anymore if i feel like i can't go somewhere or do something with him. i'm one of the emets that needs to be alone when i feel sick or panicky so he knows when i say "i need to be by myself" he leaves me alone......he knows i will come and talk to him when the anxiety/panic subsides.

i do take medication (prozac) which totally helps me with my constant obsessing over v........i take it daily and have for several years.

we don't have any children.......chose many years not to go there...not for emet reasons, so i can't help you with that part. i would say let your husband read some of the posts here by other members that best describes how you feel.......it helps sometimes for him to know that what you're feeling is real and other people are suffering with the same thing.......i'm sure it gets frustrating for non emets at time to try and figure out why we act so "weird" sometimes.......but i'm sure he loves you and this might help him to "get it"

you are not alone

[zipity]

My husband gets it to a certain extent. I think it annoys him sometimes. And sometimes he makes stupid jokes like he'll play pranks on me and call and tell me he got a speeding ticket on the way home or something. There have been times where he'll call and be like "ughhh I called off work because I'm puking" and I'll be like "WHAT?!??" and he'll be like "no I was just kidding" Just stupid childish stuff. But I think he forgets about the phobia and does it to be silly. He doesn't do it maliciously or anything. And he'll always tell me if he doesn't feel well. I'm not sure if I'd rather NOT know though. But he says he wants me to know in advance. He puts up with me saying "do you feel like you're going to puke?" if he says he doesn't feel well. Lol
We have a two year old son and knock on wood he hasn't been sick yet. Other than spitting up milk when he was a baby. As gross as that is, that doesn't bother me because it doesn't smell like "real" vomit and I know it's not contagious. So we have yet to see how I handle it. And how my husband handles me handling it. Lol

[wargerbil]

My husband gets it as much as he can, I think. He knows that if I'm not feeling well and want to be left alone, to leave me alone, and he isn't offended if I'm not feeling well and want to sleep on the couch. He doesn't tease me or anything.

[Jay417]

My wife is very supportive. She has her own phobias so she understands that it is tough. When she gets Sv she usually tells me and then retires to our guestroom/guestbathroom until she is no longer V. When I get sick with Sv, D and N only usually, she stays and takes care of me. I make it up to her by being there for her in every other illness. I once spent an entire week taking care of her night and day when she had pneumonia.

[idontfeelreal]

My boyfriend is very understanding and completely makes an effort to be better about hygeine (which anyone should be regardless- he used to be a slob so I guess its beneficial in a way). I don't talk about it much and he always encourages me to. I am not really outwardly irrational as an Emet (I don't freak out anymore than an average person if someone vomits, I can watch it in movies, I joke about it all the time, and I am pretty good at hiding my handwashing habits), pretty much no one even knows that I even suffer with this internally and I don't really let it hold me back from too much in life, so it's not a huge burdon on our relationship anyways. Communication and understanding is key! He's the one person I can talk to about it the most.