51 and still scared

[Lynn1977]

I have been suffering with emetophobia for as long as I can remember. I, too, stay frightened of certain situations. I still leave immediately if someone gets sick or even if they say they feel sick. I ran away from my son one time and could not help him. It has been very debilitating for me.

It took a very long time for me to open up to certain people and certain family members about my problem. I have found that some people say they understand when they really don't. "Get over it" is what I hear a lot. I wish I could. My problem is that I can't stand to know about it, or hear it happening or clean it up. When I have had to clean it up, I worried for at least a week and a half that I was going to "catch" it. I avoid going to a lot of places because there might be virus germs lurking. It goes way deeper than what I have posted but there isn't enough time or space to write it all. I always thought my sister understood. She dosen't. In fact she recently sabotaged me in the ER with my mother. I met my sister and mother at the local ER where we live. My sister was there first and she KNEW what was going on with our mother. When I saw my mom on the exam table with a pink pan beside her, I turned and asked my sister "is she throwing up" and my sister smiled and said yes and then she said "well, I have to go to work, bye". When she left the ER I panicked. I actually ran outside, got in my car and left and went home. I left my mother in the ER. I only lived 10 minutes away but I had to get out of there. It was like I had no control, I knew I had to get out. I did go back. I told the desk lady in the ER I had a bad headache and would be outside in my car. I would periodically check in on my mom. A couple of hours later my mom was fine and no longer throwing up and I was able to take her home. I was petrified the whole way to her house. I cried alot that day at the way my sister left me when she has known of my problem her entire life. What she showed me was she either didn't care about me and my problem or she has never believed me in the first place. I realize it's hard to fully understand this sort of phobia unless you are walking in that persons shoes. However, I will never see my sister the way I used to. She really hurt me.

Lynn

[olschesky]

that was a really mean thing to do.........sorry.

i found that letting my family members read some of the panic posts on here from other people has helped them to understand just how scarey this can be for me.

i've been coming to this forum for 1 1/2 years now and i feel sooooo much more relaxed and way less panic attacks than before finding this site. so grateful to everyone here.....hope you find comfort here also.

by the way......i'm 59 years old........and just found out the way i've felt my whole life actually had a name and other people felt the same way.........a giant relief for me

hope your mother is fine........have a chat with your sister and let her look at this site

[Lynn1977]

My mother is fine. She was having withdrawal symptoms from not taking her xanax. But I still upset with my sister.

[jo73]

I am almost 50 and am the same way. My mother went to ER plenty until I lost her last year. I was the only one to take her and no matter what, when they ran tests where she had to drink anything, I was out of there. I had a lot of guilt and she would make sure everyone knew I was messed up in this area.

Even worse, my son, who is 30, kept v* and and could not move his bowels. He ended up having an intestinal blockage and could not keep anything down. After realizing what the problem, he was not allowed anything anyway. I had to walk out when he got the least bit nauseated in the emergency room. He almost died and I could not stay in there. People without this do not understand that this is not something that we want to happen. I would never leave my child for anything else and have horrible guilt for leaving him then. I am strong in everything else. I have stopped my mother from bleeding before and I have done a lot of first aid. I am certified in CPR but I have to admit if someone were to need me, I don't know if I could do it. I have been told there is a decent chance they will v*.

I pray to get rid of this and there is not a day that goes by that I don't think about it. It is pretty exhausting. I know it is something I can't help because my husband woke up one night v*. What woke me up was my heart pounding so hard and then, and only then, I heard him. It was like a horrible nightmare. It is a helpless feeling. I see a lot of young people on here but (although I'm sorry you have had to deal with it a long time) it helps me to talk to people my age that still suffer with this.

[jo73]

I am almost 50 and am the same way. My mother went to ER plenty until I lost her last year. I was the only one to take her and no matter what, when they ran tests where she had to drink anything, I was out of there. I had a lot of guilt and she would make sure everyone knew I was messed up in this area.

Even worse, my son, who is 30, kept v* and and could not move his bowels. He ended up having an intestinal blockage and could not keep anything down. After realizing what the problem, he was not allowed anything anyway. I had to walk out when he got the least bit nauseated in the emergency room. He almost died and I could not stay in there. People without this do not understand that this is not something that we want to happen. I would never leave my child for anything else and have horrible guilt for leaving him then. I am strong in everything else. I have stopped my mother from bleeding before and I have done a lot of first aid. I am certified in CPR but I have to admit if someone were to need me, I don't know if I could do it. I have been told there is a decent chance they will v*.

I pray to get rid of this and there is not a day that goes by that I don't think about it. It is pretty exhausting. I know it is something I can't help because my husband woke up one night v*. What woke me up was my heart pounding so hard and then, and only then, I heard him. It was like a horrible nightmare. It is a helpless feeling. I see a lot of young people on here but (although I'm sorry you have had to deal with it a long time) it helps me to talk to people my age that still suffer with this.

[Lynn1977]

Hey Jo73. I understand what you mean by the age thing. I too can handle just about everything else. I can take blood, broken bones etc. But my husband can't. He has no problem in the v* area. Of that I am thankful. My son was 10 or 11 when he needed me and I could not go to him. I carry that guilt to this day. My son is okay about it, he says he understands, but still, all I thought about for a week or more was trying not to catach "it" and trying to deal with all the guilt. Whenever we have a big family gathering I always call ahead of time to see if anyone is sick or feeling bad in "that" area. I found out that several times over the years they lied to me. I don't know whether to be greatful or to be offended. This is not a game to me. I take it very serious and it hurts me when others don't. I have only v*ted once in the last 25 years. Yay!!!!! I don't talk about often because I don't want to test fate. Well, Thanks for telling me your story and feel free to contact me through this site any time. I check it often.
Lynn

[claire43]

I am almost 45 and have had this fear most of my life. I have had good times and bad times but it has never gone away completely. Ive been going through a particularly rough patch over the past few years but I am trying to keep it at bay if that makes sense, I battle with it everyday. I know what you mean about ERs, my elderly father has been admitted to the ER a few times since last september and each time Ive been scared and kept a close eye on other patients in case one of them looked like they were about to v*. The last time he was rushed in I walked into the waiting room saw a roomful of people sat there with bowls on their laps and promptly turned back around and walked out. I spent the next couple of hours sat by the entrance and every now and then Id pop my head round the door to see how he was doing. Not my proudest moment but like you said this fear is totally irrational and whilst I am strong under most circumstances I just fall to pieces when its anything v* related.

[Lynn1977]

Dear claire43, I have spent just about all of my OUTSIDE the ER entrance. lol It can't be helped. I also watch what other people are doing and how they are acting. I am going through some rough family stuff right now and I am finally gonna stand my ground. I am one of 4 children and from now on they will have to do the medical stuff and leave the other stuff for me. I am tired of hiding and feeling guilty about things I cannot control. I am meeting with my sister who sabataged me at the ER the last time we had to go with mother. I hope the meeting goes well. And by the way, you are 100% right about walking into ER's and seeing people with bowls in their laps. Never a good sign! I turn and run too!

[m0ndaymay]

I'm sorry that you all have to go through this, but I'm really happy to see that there are other older people with this phobia on this site. No disrespect to the younger ones.

I'm 48 and have been emetophobic since my early 20s, so I understand what you have gone, and continue to go, through. So if you (any of you) need someone to talk to privately, contact me via PM. I know I could really use a friend or two close to my age who really understand how difficult this phobia makes day-to-day life.

[claire43]

Hi mondaymay. It is nice to have someone your own age to chat to sometimes (although same as you said no disrespect to the younger ones!). Please feel free to PM me also if you ever need to

[m0ndaymay]

Thanks Claire, that's really nice of you! I appreciate it.