Boyfriends Ex's causing problems!

[jaynielu]

Hi everyone - well I must say I have been on here a lot lately...

I have a huge problem at the moment, just got a text message from a girl who is saying my boyfriend is the father of her 5 month old baby girl. What on earth should I do?!

Thing is I have been together with my boyfriend for just over 2 years now, and in the beginning it wasn't offical. We thought it would be better to see how things went before we told everyone... Didn't really want the whole world to know before we really knew... Less stress if we did fall apart!

Anyways, things have been going well with us really, can't really complain about much. Thing is he was fooled when he was 17 and his girlfriend got pregnant on purpose (she thought he would stay with her forever if she had his baby, so she stopped taking her pill, when she found out he wanted to break up with her... stupid girl) He has seen his daughter once and she is now 8... Her mother doesn't allow him to have contact, but still demands that he give her money every month for the child.

Now, when I was inoffically together with my boyfriend, a girl came up to me and asked me if I would like to have a threesome with her! (sorry about the details - I'm very open!) I basically said no, I was waiting for my boyfriend. She then said aha, well we could have a foursome then! *Surprised* I just said, she had to ask my boyfriend when he got there... which she did and to my surprise he said YES! HELP... Was hoping he would say NO

Anyways, things got more complicated when they found another friend and it turned into a 5some...

Basically she slept with 3 guys and a week later she slept with another guy...

Two months afterwards, I got a lovely sms from her saying she was pregnant and she wanted to know what the date was when "it" happened. I told her...

I continued to ask her if she was going to keep the baby, after all she didn't know who the father was, and had no chance of raising it without a job or house... (found out she was on drugs too)

She said it was ok... my boyfriend wasn't the father and she was going to keep it because it was from the guy a week after what happened with us! (Stupid me I believed her)

Now all of a sudden I have had a phone call from her and some sms's trying to get me to get my boyfriend to have a DNA test done... Because the guy she said it was had the test and it wasn't him... That leaves 3 guys... One of which I found out died on the 27th Feb 2011... (Drugs) and the other guy has left the country...

I have a feeling that she just wants money to finance the who thing!

I am really scared and upset... because I haven't got any children, and my boyfriend has fathered already once possibly twice... with other girls and not with me...

I would love kids... just my emet is a bit in the way of that at the moment! Now my boyfriend whom I love... may never want kids ever again... because he thinks girls are mean and just use them as a weapon to get his money... (which he doesn't have)

What should I do? Am so scared, and depressed... Why did this have to happen?

Sorry really had to vent... Can't talk to anyone else

Jaynielu

[Danielle_Walton]

Oh My Goodness.... you have been through alot ... bad things always happens to the best of us, you just need to be strong, maybe the best thing is to have your boyfriend to have a DNA test so that you know for certain whether he is or isnt the father of the child, some women will do anything to destroy a working relationship, you need to stay strong hun, i know things are extremely hard for you at the moment, but hopefully things will get better, i hope they do, you deserve it, i hope this helps.

[lizzo]

Yikes, I'm so sorry this has happened to you. My question is, do you want to stay with this guy?

[m0ndaymay]

Unfortunately, when you choose the behaviour, you choose the consequences. You all chose to have a gang bang - unprotected it sounds like - so if she got pregnant as a result, your boyfriend very well could be the father, in which case the right thing to do is for him to take a DNA test and if he IS the father, then he needs to man up, step up to the plate, and take care of his child. I really don't see another option here.

What I would be even more worried about if I were you, since you all had what sounds like unprotected sex, with drug addicts at that, is if either of you have contracted some STD. Have you both been tested for that? If not, maybe along with the DNA you both should consider making sure you're both okay health-wise.

I do feel bad for you but I feel worse for the innocent child stuck in the middle of this mess. I hope the adults do the right thing. That's all I have to say.

Good luck to you - all of you.

[lizzo]

Unfortunately, when you choose the behaviour, you choose the consequences. You all chose to have a gang bang - unprotected it sounds like - so if she got pregnant as a result, your boyfriend very well could be the father, in which case the right thing to do is for him to take a DNA test and if he IS the father, then he needs to man up, step up to the plate, and take care of his child. I really don't see another option here.

What I would be even more worried about if I were you, since you all had what sounds like unprotected sex, with drug addicts at that, is if either of you have contracted some STD. Have you both been tested for that? If not, maybe along with the DNA you both should consider making sure you're both okay health-wise.

I do feel bad for you but I feel worse for the innocent child stuck in the middle of this mess. I hope the adults do the right thing. That's all I have to say.

Good luck to you - all of you.

That's a very sobering response, I fully agree.

[becca44]

Youre not going to like this answer buts its as much his fault as the girls, if he doesnt want to be a daddy he should put a condom on, especially when not in a serious relationship and fooling around with a lot of people at once, pregnancy is not the only risk with unprotected sex. Its nobodys fault but his own and damn right he should help financially support his child even if he doesnt see her. Get the dna test done asap, id also think twice about settling down with him if he was my boyfriend.