I'm the same way. Sight, sound, or even just thinking about it will not only put me onto a panic attack, but also make me feel like I'm ill. Sight and sound are definitely the worse, though, and will more than likely make me v*, too... Then comes the fear where if I v*, someone else will see it and v* and just create some spiraling round of everyone v*ing....

I felt like a freak, too. Everyone around me can v* and just laugh about it. They'd even tease me and dismiss my phobia as a "weak stomach"... That's why it took me so long to get a diagnosis.