ooh, sorry about the rant

[krabcakes99]

Okay im freaking out big time and my stomach is cramping so bad and its 1 in the morning and i have school in a few hours basically and ive binged technically 3 times today. yesterday at this time i had a ton of nutella, ricecrackers, oreos, figs, cookies, and more stuff and today i had figs, gummy candies, peanut butter, crackers, 3 granola bars, a ton of chocolate syrup, and 3 types of cereal and just a little while ago i had a bunch of chinese food (ewwww), another granola bar, bread, cinnamon and sugar and i feel sooooooo sick and im freaking out and my mom is going to sleep so i have nobody to talk to im afraid of getting fat and i miss people and my friends are being all crazy lately and school just isnt the same and i am afraid of puking at this moment and i dont know whats happening im so upset and scared and depressed and im just done with all of this shit and i never ever ever want to eat again but then i go and get so hungry and eat up a storm and hate myself so that makes me eat more and oh my god i just wanna slice off my fat sometimes, especially my arms and give it to the poor starving kids because im eating as much as an elephant these days and i was doing so so good last week until the weekend came and its ruined and i was even working out pretty diligently but now im just all sad and my bodys gonna turn to flubber and im not gonna throw up, ill just be sick forever and nauseous and nothing willl change as much as i try and i will always go back to start

[cinque]

Sorry you are going through this. If you are feeling ill when you wake up perhaps you could have the day off school. Are you seeing anyone as regards your eating disorder? If not you should really make that a priority - it's important to see a trained professional about it.