I'm back at school

[Claire-]

Hi all

So I've noticed that all my posts seem to be panic posts etc etc, and I thought maybe I should focus on some of the good things that have happened recently.
After 18 months of being home educated because of my emet, I've had to go back to school full time because of my GSCE's now I'm in year 10. I was pretty nervous the night before I left.. I was scared that I'd be so scared I'm make myself v*! But in the end, I was pretty relaxed in the morning, I had a sort of 'Pfft, couldn't care less' attitude and I spent the whole day at school.
It's been about 3 weeks since then, and every day but one I have spent at least 4 out of the 5 lessons at school. I even managed PE Thursday, which surprised me.
I've had some really nasty panic attacks since being back, ones which made me think I was going to v*, faint and well.. I honestly had no idea. I've developed over the last year a fear of fainting and a fear of getting d*. Luckily I don't have IBS (I generally get d* once every 4 years or so!) and I've never fainted. I'm sort of realizing that all of my phobias are embarassing/disgusting things.
It's quite interesting, but I, (afterwards, obviously), quite enjoy having the adrenaline rush of a panic attack. I think that's really odd. When it's happening, of course I am scared ****less, but it's still quite 'fun'. Odd?

Anyway, I think the last month has mainly been a success, so, I wanted to post that ^.^
Thoughts?
Claire x

[sweetfantasy]

good job! my emet kept me from attending high school in the end i had to study at home i missed on some really great years ): so its good to hear your trying hard and you succeed. Don't let emet and panic attacks take a hold of your life!

[Emeto_The_Alf]

Congrats to you!!
The very things that have held you down will lift you up! Disney's Dumbo

[redrumemsi]

I'm on medical leave from college for depression, anxiety and emetophobia. I'm returning this spring. I hope you update us on how it's going as it would be good to hear from someone who is going through something similar.

I remember in high school sometimes I would lock myself in the bathroom and refuse to go to school because I knew that a stomach bug outbreak was happening. I also refused to go to the nurse's office or my general doctor. I didn't have people to talk to about what I was feeling. I feel like the fact that you're on this forum will help you succeed at staying in school.

[Helley]

I was slightly like you, but I came back from Peru. I had experienced few people being sick, there was one girl who had stomach kind of problem, who couldn't stop throwing up. I literally cried my eyes out, I couldn't sleep in the same room as her. I felt so bad for her, but I got used to the sound of it but couldn't face of someone being sick in front of me. But I am able to watch it on tv or movies as it doesn't bother me now, but still can't face someone throwing up in front of me.

[ibekirsty]

well done to you, its great to hear how strong your being, im going back to school in 2 days, im dreading it, it stops me from doing my absolute best, and my anxiety levels are really bad and discomferting. hearing your success makes me feel a little stronger, so keep up the good work!!(:

[katherines6]

Good job!
I sort of understand what you mean about enjoying panic attacks.
I don't enjoy them. Not at all. They are stressful and annoying. But I do feel a little better after having them, if that makes sense. Apparently once you get all of that adrenolin out its harder for you to be afraid, according to my therapist.
Is that why you enjoy them? Because it's better afterwards?