Constantly seeking reassurance.

[Autumn]

I feel like such a pain in the ass and such a burden that I find myself withdrawing. I feel so socially awkward because of it, and because I'm always so scared of being s*.

For example, food. Eating. It's a simple thing people do every day. Three times a day, I'm told. I've had problems with eating for the past 10 years, but the one problem that remains and refuses to go away is my fear of food. I never learnt to cook, I'm scared of foods I don't know, and I'm scared that what I eat will make me s*. As a result, I'm always asking people around me if what I've eaten or am going to eat is okay, if it is safe, if it will make me s*, if it's been cooked properly, etc.

I'm always asking if I'm going to be okay as well. If I feel unwell and can't rationalise it in my head, I'll ask someone (tbh, usually my mam or other half) if I'll be okay. "I won't be s* though, will I?" is what I always end up asking.

I'm always asking questions and seeing reassurance, and I feel so bad for it. I try not to, but I get so scared without some kind of reassurance (I worry like hell anyway, but not so bad as if I hadn't been told I'll be okay). I feel like a bad person, and that I'm irritating. I feels so awkward and just... ugh. I wish I didn't have to do it, but I can't help myself.

Anyone else out there know what I'm talking about and have any suggestions? I mean, my guy doesn't mind being there for me at all, and he's said he wants me to phone him if I ever feel I need to, no matter what time of the day... but I still feel bad for doing it and that one day he's going to get sick of me and snap at me =(

[bex]

You shouldn't feel like a burden to anyone, let alone to the people closest to you. I used to constantly worry that my 'neediness' and constant "I feel s*...but that's just in my head...right?" would drive my partner up the wall, but over time it's become much easier, and she's grown to accept my constant interrogations
Out of interest, do you talk openly about your emet with friends/colleagues? I find what has helped me most is not discussing my phobia with anyone other than my family and girlfriend - that way, I have no choice but to soldier on in social situations/at work (to some extent, anyway) simply because I don't have the opportunity to explain my fear and dwell on how it makes me feel. For me, acknowledgement makes everything worse, and somehow makes how I'm feeling that little bit more "real"...which is never good.
Asking questions and seeking reassurance is harmless I feel - providing it makes you feel more comfortable. My problem is that I don't believe the reassurance I get from those who know about my phobia; I end up worrying and thinking "well, obviously they're not going to tell me I'll be s* because they know what that would do to me". Does that make any sense?

I'm sorry if the above is an irrelavant load of waffle! But try not to feel like a burden - it'll put even more of a strain on you, and quite frankly, you could do without that.

[Autumn]

I don't really have that many friends, and the few I have don't actually know I have the phobia. I just ask if a food is okay to eat and such-like. I usually get an 'of course' with a weird look. For the most part I avoid eating.

The waffle helped! It's good to read about how other people act. The whole part you said about not dwelling on it as you don't tell people makes sense. I guess I just worry about it so much anyway that it wouldn't make that much of a difference.

And I just thought... if it were my other half who needed my support and reassurance I'd gladly give it. I also have (as he so delicately put it) trust and abandonment issues, so I'm scared he'll leave me, so I try and keep things that might push him away to myself. It's so hard to learn to trust him, but I'm getting there *sigh*

[bex]

Good, I'm glad the waffle was part-useful
Ah, good old trust issues...I had a lengthy conversation with my partner about this on Tuesday night. I have trust issues myself, and find that once I get an idea in my head it's virtually impossible to dismiss it.

How much of your phobia etc. have you divulged to him, if you don't mind me asking? Does it come into your every day life together, or is it more of a rareity when you're feeling particularly rough? The problem I've experienced with 'letting someone in' too much is that you BOTH end up pandering to the emet/OCD/depression, and thus almost 'fuelling the fire'. Support, in any sense, is always welcome...but for me, the wrong sort can do more harm than good...hmm.

[Autumn]

Currently he's living 300 miles away... I feel scared and panicky at least a few times a day, but do other things to distract myself, and if all else fails, I'll have a mint. And if that doesn't work then I would text or phone him.
I'd say I probably ask for reassurance about the food I'm going to eat (or should eat but always put off) once a day or two. If I had someone I could ask a lot more then I'd probably eat more food, and even try new foods. Man, I remember when I was at a friend's and he cooked chicken. I froze in fear and had to confess my phobia haha. He had to reassure me every few seconds it was okay, he'd cooked it through, it had never made him ill, he took it above 65C, etc. I was anxious as hell, but it was okay and didn't make me ill. That was about six months ago, and now I am happy enough to eat chicken mayo sandwiches I buy in the shop. Although if I'm with my fiancee or even my mother I will try and get them to take a bit to 'make sure it tastes normal' - that goes for most foods I'm unfamiliar with.
Such a pain in da butt =(

[bex]

I'm the same with the mint thing - it's one of my last resorts when I'm feeling n*...
I used to have a real thing about cooked meat, and I couldn't trust anyone other than my Mum, so I taught myself how to cook... Now I have complete control over how things are cooked, how long they're cooked for etc etc, and I can often use it as an excuse when people come over (plus it makes me look like a great hostess ).

When I was on holiday in Spain over the summer, my friends and I decided to cook a BBQ (fatal idea, I know). My friend Aaron left the meat out in the sun while he was preparing the fire, shared the uncooked meat plate with cooked meat, dropped sausages on the floor and then cooked them ("don't worry Bex, the heat will kill all the bacteria") and used his unwashed fingers to handle the food, so the whole experience was a living NIGHTMARE for me. I had to confess then, and refused to eat anything. Urgh.

Does your boyfriend own one of those food-thermometres? That might give you piece of mind, even if it's just at home (I don't suggest whipping one out in a restaurant )

[Autumn]

I can't use the kitchen here. I simply can't. Not only is it unclean, but there's nothing in it. The pots are rusty, there's no cutlery, plates... anything. Just the cooker and a sink really. I wouldn't know where to start, I'd feel uncomfortable and just... nah. Currently I'm living off of fruit, take-away food (which includes sandwiches, chippies and pies from the butchers) and whatever I can be bothered to microwave in my room (which has been one bowl of soup and half a tin of beans since the 9th of Sept when I moved in). I would love to learn to cook. That control and freedom to do things the way I want is something I want. My fiancee and I will move in together in the spring/summer (his job dictates when, unfortunately), and the main thing I'm going to be wanting is a kitchen I feel comfortable and safe in.

That BBQ sounds like a nightmare! Oh gosh, I wouldn't have eaten either. I'd have been scared that whoever else ate there was going to get s*.

I'm the one who owns the thermometer. My mam gave it to me as a present a year and a bit ago, and it's always somewhere I can get at it. I can't take it with me when I get stuff at the bakery, etc, but I trust my mam and she told me that places like that have certificates saying they're okay to serve food, and they have strict procedures about cooking foods to certain temperatures (she told me that anything going over 65C is safe. Can't remember the re-heat temp, but I never reheat anything anyway).

[Autumn]

I can't use the kitchen here. I simply can't. Not only is it unclean, but there's nothing in it. The pots are rusty, there's no cutlery, plates... anything. Just the cooker and a sink really. I wouldn't know where to start, I'd feel uncomfortable and just... nah. Currently I'm living off of fruit, take-away food (which includes sandwiches, chippies and pies from the butchers) and whatever I can be bothered to microwave in my room (which has been one bowl of soup and half a tin of beans since the 9th of Sept when I moved in). I would love to learn to cook. That control and freedom to do things the way I want is something I want. My fiancee and I will move in together in the spring/summer (his job dictates when, unfortunately), and the main thing I'm going to be wanting is a kitchen I feel comfortable and safe in.

That BBQ sounds like a nightmare! Oh gosh, I wouldn't have eaten either. I'd have been scared that whoever else ate there was going to get s*.

I'm the one who owns the thermometer. My mam gave it to me as a present a year and a bit ago, and it's always somewhere I can get at it. I can't take it with me when I get stuff at the bakery, etc, but I trust my mam and she told me that places like that have certificates saying they're okay to serve food, and they have strict procedures about cooking foods to certain temperatures (she told me that anything going over 65C is safe. Can't remember the re-heat temp, but I never reheat anything anyway).

[Also, my name is Bex too ]

[kasey]

I drive my husband insane. Sv? Tu? Etc. So I understand.

[ibekirsty]

i kinda understand what your going through, recently ive been really scared of meat ect, especially chicken, ive been really lucky and never got s* over food, but latley ive become so paranoid. Im very worried im begining to be afraid to be sick, im afraid of people ebing sick, ive always tried to stop myself being sick but i always thought if it happend it happend, but yeah. my mum goes mad at me because shes like a cooking addict and thinks shes jamie oliver so when i freak out she goes metal :|

[crd08]

The proper temp to reheat food in the microwave is 165F (not sure about C) if you worry about microwaving things. And I am servsafe certified so If you have any questions about food temps and safety I could def try to help you out.

And I feel like I'm annoying as well.. Even on here. I'm so reluctant to make threads because I just hate looking back on myself in a panic. I just asked my poor bf if I had a fever. And I constantly ask if he thinks I'm sick and I make him to rationalize it with me. It mAkes me feel like I'm a burden and people could do better than me.

[ibekirsty]

The proper temp to reheat food in the microwave is 165F (not sure about C) if you worry about microwaving things. And I am servsafe certified so If you have any questions about food temps and safety I could def try to help you out.

And I feel like I'm annoying as well.. Even on here. I'm so reluctant to make threads because I just hate looking back on myself in a panic. I just asked my poor bf if I had a fever. And I constantly ask if he thinks I'm sick and I make him to rationalize it with me. It mAkes me feel like I'm a burden and people could do better than me.

i feel like im going to annoy people haha paranoia, i get this all the time, it lowers your self esteem, but you just have to remember were extrodinary people.

[aurora0917]

fruits and veggies should be safe if you wash them very well. in terms of any other food, make sure it's heated to at least 150 degrees, or even higher to be safe. i read somewhere that SV germs die at about 170 degrees.

[geckohouse]

Hi Autumn,
If you are going to start at doing a little cooking I'd replace the cookware. You need at least one good frypan and a saucepan that is clean and new. I personally like cooking and you might like just to start off with slow cooked food like a casserole. Anything that has been cooked for 3-4 hours gives you that safe feeling. They are easy and taste great too!