I just wanted to say that I recently came upon the same realization in my own therapy. I hate being an emet, but I feel like if I gave it up, I wouldn't know how to live my life. Like it's who I am. I have had this problem my whole life, and it makes all my decisions for me. Like "should I eat lunch"? "No, you might V*"."Should I go on vacation?" "No, you might have a panic attack and none of your friends will understand". It's like I can't make choices without it. It's scary to depend on yourself instead of the phobia. It's like, it gives you so much anxiety and pain, but it also is so integrated with your mind that you don't know how to be yourself without it. And also, like you guys were saying, it's an excuse. It's a good way to avoid other stressful situations. Like, I have anxiety and going to class is just too much for me today, so I sleep instead. It's a great tool for avoidance. I wish I could just physically punch my problems in the face instead of freaking out about them every day.