As many of you know, I'm a dog groomer. I completely love my job, but some days you just wonder why in the hell you got out of bed. Today was one of those days.

My shift started at 12:30. First dog of the day, a GIANT St. Bernard. He's a sweetie, but he has trouble standing since he has bad joints. He's also very sensitive about his feet being touched. Just brushing him out and trimming his tummy threw out my back. 1 point for the handsome Bernard.

So I get him in the back into the bath, and I get covered in drool and soaked with water and shampoo. This is actually normal. What isn't normal is how much he hates the dryer. Now, keep in mind that a St Bernard is a very large, very fluffy dog. Now imagine drying him with a giant blow dryer when he's scared of the sound. Now imagine the person drying him hobbling around like Quasimodo. 2 points for the St Bernard.

At this point he has to dry a bit in the kennel since I just can't do much else. I get some work done on my other pups, grab a bite to eat, take some meds for my back, and finally muster up the courage to tackle the gentle giant again. I get him on the table (I'm still miming a hunchback a bit) and start working on his feet, which are bigger than my hands. He decides to kick me in the face. 3 points for said gentle giant.

He's nearly done, so I keep on trucking, now hobbling like an idiot and having a massive headache. I finish trimming up his tail and his tush, and all in all he's looking pretty handsome! As I finish trimming near his hind foot, I hear this sound, this horrid sound that could be a sneeze. It wasn't a sneeze. It was the biggest St Bernard shart I have ever seen. This sweet creature just had explosive diarrhea all over the wall, the table, and (mostly) my back. 4 points for the lovable pup.

I just about died. Thank goodness I was able to change my smock and wash my arms. At that point he was finished so we called his parents and he went on his merry way. My amazing boyfriend took good care of me when I got home. He had a hot shower ready, some ice and biofreeze for my back, and a tall glass of hard cider.

I just had to share this with you all, thought some of you may get a good chuckle.