Feeling Bad-both body and mind

[JellyBn83]

So, I am going to try to tell myself that the reason why I am feeling so icky right now is because these probiotics that I just started to take on Thursday are making my system funky! I have (I believe) gas pains. The ones that hit in my back, my ribs, side of my stomach. And my middle stomach is just not liking me. I have had tried to get back to my normal eating (since I have been eating less and less each day). I had a great day yesterday shopping during the day with my husband and we even went out to eat. I haven't done that in a few months. It was wonderful! I thought I was finally seeing the end of this stupid tunnel I have gotten myself into. Well, I got up with this bad gas, took about an hour after I woke up to "feel some what normal". Took my pills with toast and water. Then just layed on the couch. Well, I started to feel funky, so I ate my left overs and felt some what normal again. Then about, three hours later, felt it again. This must be hunger right? I have gone so long without saying "my stomach is hungry and I know it" so I don't know what is going on. Ugh!

Then I just got in a fight with my best friend. As I was laying here on the couch, I got a text from her that got me to realize that I have pulled myself away...from everyone! This isn't me! This freak out with my emet has just made me so misreable that I don't want to talk to anyone (but my therapist) and just lay on the couch at home in my safe bubble...what is wrong with me? ARRG!!

[mommyto3]

i was just going to put up a "im in the dumps" post. i am right here with you. i have ibs, horribly, last week i had the worst spell in years, kinda got better. i ate last night for the first in days, and again today, and now im feeling funny too...i KNOW its my ibs, but cant convince myself of it. which is so abnormal for me in my state of recovery. then put myself down, like im going back farther than i should, then feeling bad about that...it spirals downward. i am sure you have gas, anything that lasts without v for a few hours is not the sv. im freaking out cuz my boyfriend went to sleep with a headache tonight, that is SILLY!! he wears contacts and gets headaches all the time. why do we do this to ourselves is the question.

times like this, lets remember our facts, no exposure (i can say this easily for me as i havent been out of my house in 3 weeks) no v, no d, feeling weird yes, but for me its ibs and for you its gas from your probiotics (which after a few days will settle in and be awesome!!!!) ive pulled myself away too, my 6 year old daughter is currently living with my mom because i cant cope with her going to public school. im miserable too, friday night i laid in bed all night just being miserable. the worst of the noro season is just about over, should start to decline in a week or so, if it hasnt already. usually when the flu starts up thats when noro is tapering off. i have no great answers or words of wisdom, since im right with you, gas and all (my gas being from my salad i had for dinner, first salad ive eaten in weeks) on my couch not wanting to sleep, feeling like a complete failure and outcast from the world. but i can tell you that you arent alone. i mean, we are alone, since we have sheltered ourselves from everyone except the ones that live with us in fear of hypothetically catching something, but we are not the only ones like this.

and since we arent, then we arent alone. i wonder in times when i hear of so many other people living with this terror when they will have a real, proven way of therapy for us. CBT is great and all, but it takes so long. either way, im sure you are perfectly fine, its just our minds telling us bad things and our bodies reacting to our minds

[JellyBn83]

How did we let our minds let us freak out over this? I read your story on another page and my heart goes out to you and I can see why. ME? I just had my first memory of my dad getting sick with chemo. It wasn't me, and I just heard it. I know when I got sick about 11 years ago, afterwards, I was just like, ok, it happened...I didn't die, i am fine. But it is this anxiety that is coming before. This is just awful! I hope this probiotic is going to do wonders. I have stress induced IBS. And I have GERD, so I LOVE when I get hit at double ends, bloated and heartburn is not the way to spend a night!

At least you have a mother who can help you out! Are you bad this year? More than normal? I have never freaked out this bad before!! And like you said, I have not had ANY contact with someone with it (my coworker who I sat next two had it almost three weeks ago, but it she got it on a Monday before she got to work and didn't come in until Wendesday which was more than 24 hours sicne she v* and her husband who had it first was deadly sick on Saturday and I didn't see her until she got back to work) and I wash my hands after I use the restroom and before I eat.

I do feel that I am slowing down with the true freak out (washing my hands every hour even though I work by myself, cleaning my desk three times a day even though I work by myself and freaking out at my house) for a week now. I do feel that it is because I am trying to get take care of this. I just hope that my therapist is doing CBT. She didn't call it that and I have really only had two appts with her and the first one just getting to know me and the second was all about my freak outs. She has had me working on my breathing. So I when i asked her a few days later if she does CBT, she came back to me that this is what we are doing. So...I hope!!!!!

[mommyto3]

if i knew, then we wouldnt be like this :-) no one persons how they got this fear is greater than anothers. i love that we all have a simple common vulnerability that makes us human, and makes us connect. chemo is awful, i experienced it with my aunt, its heartbreaking, esp if it was your dad. thats your DAD, big and strong, to see something like that bring him down is enough for anyone to think thats v is the worst thing ever. the probiotic will help with your digestive issues, im not brave enough to take it because i know it will play with my mind in the beginning stages until it evens out. ibs, gerd, its all a mess, and its all linked to our anxiety...and i know, i refuse to sleep right now because im burping and having gas pains. not fun.
my mother, oh haha, she isnt exactly "support" but yes, she wanted to take my daughter so she could attend public school and so i wouldnt put my daughter through the trenches of my own anxiety. my boyfriend is my #1 support, i really hope you have a #1 supporter, and if you do, do not push them away. mine is sleeping on the couch right now so i will feel calmer until we can go upstairs to bed when im ready :-) am i worse? well, not my personal worst, that was in 2007-2008. but since the winter of 2009 this is totally my worst, and i have no idea why..maybe its all the media coverage, or the lack of media coverage..both leave my mind all messed up and wondering..either oh crap there is an outbreak, or oh no, why wasnt there something on the news about it? its a double edged sword. i am much worse than my last few years normal. although this year i did leave the house for my chores/errands until the last week in jan, and thats the longest i continued that yet. usually i stop going out for that right before the holidays until the first week of march. maybe we didnt go into this year with a "plan" i have for the past few years gone into noro season with a plan, a plot of who and when i will see, prepared lists of items for "hibernation" time, and this year i didnt. i just kinda went with it, then realized it was full force noro time and freaked and have been in my home since.
therapy is AMAZING!! still, i havent been able to go in 3 weeks....can not wait to start back up march 6. realizing that the irrational freak outs are not needed and dont do anything preventative is a huge step. i used to bleach my home everyday, took me 4 hours a day. then i just realized that if no one was ill, i didnt need to..so i stopped. i have found that planning and organization has helped me a lot. i have a cleaning routine and i stick to it. it made me really anxious at first not clorox wiping the door knobs 5 times a day and only doing it once a day, but after awhile the anxiety eased and im happy with it. same with cleaning the shower, once a week is fine, not every day. make a plan, organize your day into hours if you have to. find things to do that you havent found time to do to keep you busy. i plan out me and my babies days by the hour. it works..doesnt leave me much time to be anxious but that is a great thing. you sound like you have a great therapist, i do too. love her to pieces. trust her, seriously, trust her, she will not lead you astray. sounds like you are headed in the right direction, i am too, it just takes so long to get there momma, a long battle vs. ourselves. we can do this, and hopefully find a bit of joy in each day along the way

[JellyBn83]

I want to thank you for your kinds words! I have tears in my eyes! I know that I am "not alone" but reading your post helps me truly feel that I am not!

I have always had this issue, but I will be honest, this is the first year I have "heard" of noro! I knew there was stomach bugs, but I normally only heard that kids get it. Parents do there things and that is that. So, in October when my husband and I made the choice to go down the baby making path and I got off my lexapro then got my IUD removed in January. Wow, the day AFTER I got it removed, things went down hill!!!

Ya, everything I have is anxiety/depression releated.

That is great you have such a supportive boyfriend! My husband is great, but he has his moments. I feel on the sad side for him right now. He has OCD with washing his hands and germs anyways, but only when he goes outside in public. He is not afraid of getting his hands dirty, but he takes out the trash with gloves, pumps gas with gloves on. Not because of our issues, but just germs. So I do luck out with that one that he is clean!! He and I had the talk about how when we have kids (I have to keep saying WHEN) he will take care of the vomitting part of it. I know that I can do diapers and spit up, but I am nervous because he and I will at some point work opposite shifts...and I will have the night shift.

Therapy is great and amazing, I feel so strong when I leave there, but the next day, ya, it is like I didn't even go there. I had a doctor's appt on Friday and now I have an appt with the head of the psych dept (I work at the hospital my PCP is at, but down in the basement without patient contact) to talk about my OCD and get me on a safe med to be pregnant on.

How do you feel about your daughter not being home? Has she gotten sick? I take it since you are mommyto3, there are 2 more. Are they home with you?

It is a very long battle, and the worst enemy? Our minds!!!