I can't do it anymore. I just can't take it.

[SaSa]

I really am at the end of my rope. I try so so so hard to live normally. Every day lately has been torture and I can't take no more. Everytime I build myself up I fall right back down.

For example , today I went to the mall, had lunch with my mum and had a pretty good time. I tried to forget my paranoia and just enjoy the day and then what happens? I get D at the mall of course! sometimes I feel like everything is against me. Everyday there is something new for me to worry about.

Before going out today, I knew full well of the SV that is going around, but I went out anyway. Now all I can think of is "what if I got it?" and I keep going over all the slip ups I had: using a public toilet, not washing my hands before eating (the meal was with a knife and fork) and so so many more.

Sometimes I truely don't want to be alive anymore. This phobia is robbing me of my spirit. This isn't living.

I guess I have another night of waiting to see if any symptoms come.

[cazamoon]

OMG this sounds so much like me i fully understand how you feel but do not let this rob you of your life things will get easier there are so many lovely people on
here who will tell you that they live through it and are coming out at the other side, Just continue with the handwashing and good hygiene and you may never
get it

[tshell]

I too feel like this. You will be ok! I am 40 years old I have had the sv ONCE to my knowledge. I had it 7 years ago (I was 33). I caught it from my son. I didn't know he had it and I cleaned up after he was sick. I thought he had just choked on his burger so I wasn't extreamly careful washing my hands afterwords etc... I was very sick from it. I lived! I was ok! It wasn't fun by any standard but I did it!! Anyhow The time before that I was 12 and that was fp*. I shop and go places with my kids all the time. I come home and panic of course but I like doing things to much to stop. This time of the year I am even more so cautious and paranoid! But I just went to the mall this past weekend. I was on antibiotics and had nasty d* I wanted new shoes so I took an Immodium to stop the d* and went to the mall. PLEASE don't give up! You can do this.

[gerekayla]

You sound so much like me lately. I was never this bad, as long as I wasn't around someone who had the sv, i was fine. But ever since i had morning sickness while pregnant, I just can't cope. EVERY day there is something new to worry about. My boyfriend is starting to sound like everyone else in my family who just makes fun of me. We can get through this though.... Just remember, normally people don't have to worry about this everyday. It usually only happens once every several years, if that! Take care of yourself and you should be just fine.

[JellyBn83]

Just keep washing your hands. Just because you used a public toilet does NOT mean you can catch it. The only way to get it is to "swallow" it. As long as your fingers didn't go into your nose, mouth or eyes, you should be fine!

[stopthissong]

I definitely get very down like you too, as I'm sure many people do with this extremely debilitating and life-robbing fear. I have often thought about killing myself and suicide has always been something that I haven't taken lightly too. I know your in a really bad place right now, but your just on a roller coaster. I know its tough, but you have to try and think of all the ups you have, all the positives in life and try to ignore or push away the negatives. I hope and pray that you are okay and that suicide won't be something you pursue because even though in your head everything seems so scary, so real and so frightening... on the outside, it's really not as bad as you make it (or as I make it). I hope you can find faith and hope in yourself and that the good times will come rolling in. All the best.