This REALLY isn't right... but I think my emetophobia is a good thing?

[Raid]

In a way. It's really ruining my life. I've aquired panic disorder, agoraphobia, and my OCD has gotten worse. I'm not disabled by it. I'm in college, I go to class every day, I try to trust the food that's been prepared for me (which, however I have gotten food poisoning a few times just this year -_-) but I realized something. I think I might be developing an eating disorder. I haven't stopped eating, but I'm about to, and start working out like crazy. I'm not happy with my weight. There's nothing wrong with it, I just wish I weighed less. I weigh about 132-135 and i'm 5"7. Over the summer I was 118 (just a little bit underweight) I want to be 125 again.

Here's the thing: If I weren't emetophobic, I think I would be bulimic. I overeat a lot. Not all the time, but I can't help myself. Sometimes when I get food poisoning and throw up, I feel so much better (after the panic attack, lol). But I always have that moment after I throw up where I say to myself "wow, that's NOT bad- and I feel so much lighter and better that that food isn't being processed into fat. why don't I just do that every night after i eat?"

It's awful and I don't know if that's a serious concern and if I should tell anyone about it or not, because I'm NOT bulimic since I'm still terrified of throwing up. GAH!

[olschesky]

i feel exactly the same way......i also think if i wasnt emet i would be a big drinker.......so i guess i should be thankful for those things..even if all the rest of the emet sucks

[PhoenyxAngel]

I feel somewhat similar....I hate my emetophobia but at the same time I can't really imagine living without it.....and I don't really want to live without it either. I think it's because it's normal for me now. I've lived with it since I was a young child (6-7 years old). So for the most part it's something that's been with me for as long as I can remember. And it's probably contributed to me getting a lot less sick than I probably would if I weren't emetophobic. So for my emet mind...that's a good thing. lol.

But I can also see what you mean with bulimia. It has crossed my mind since I'm struggling with weight, but I obviously would never go through with it since I'm scared to death of v*ing. But if I wasn't emet? I'm not sure what I would do. In 2010 I was 115lbs and 5'3". Which is at the lower end of normal for my height...heading towards underweight. But now, two years later I am 160lbs. How'd that happen? Overeating and birth control. That's what I'm telling myself at least. lol.

[Raid]

Yeah Olschesky!! I have NO desire to drink AT ALL since I'm emetophobic! Which is good because I'm in college and really just focused on my schoolwork! But then again it's kind of made me a recluse xD Oh the pros and cons! Not that I won't drink at all when I'm 21 (heck, I've already had drinks now with my family) but yeah!!

And PhoenyxAngel I totally feel ya. I even managed not to get the regular sore throat/icky flu this season! Even when my 3 other roommates were super sick with it and I have to touch all the same stuff they do! Just because I'm super freaky with sanitation and paranoia xD That sounds bad. But yeah, I really dont' want to gain any more weight. I've stopped since I've cut french fries out of my diet, but like tonight, I ate sooo much I just kinda wanna get rid of it, but I'm not going to. But I just have that disgusting feeling from eating so much. Hahaha well, I guess we have to do things right, diet and exercise!!

Oh, and I plan on having kids within the next 3 years. Emetophobia is NOT going to stop me from getting pregnant, but man am I scared to see whether or not I'm going to get morning sickness. *fingers crossed that I won't* My mom didn't get sick xD

[DeadxxInside92]

Actually most are ill informed thinking purging is effective in terms of weight loss. Most of the calories are already stored by the body after consumption so purging is ineffective in eliminating calories. Most people I've known who have struggled with bulimia are not quite on the skinny side. I took a health/nutrition class last semester and my prof stressed all that info pertaining to bulimia nervosa. That being said, it's never good to purge and people who have eating disorders, my heart aches for them. It's more of a control issue though as opposed to weight. Eating disorders are *usually* psychological. Anyways, yeah, I'll stop being a smart ass now lawl. Emetophobia can be *gulps before reluctantly speaking* a blessing in SOME cases. Maybe it's because we're much more educated about the spread of germs and contaminants and probably a bit more hygienic than most. Other than that, I really see now advantages.