it happened im still alive.

[bebzorg]

last thursday i was feeling ok( six weeks pregnant) not too much nausea but then i got some cramping like i had to go poop. i hadnt gone in like fou
r days so i was prepared for some pain. i have never ever experienced pain on that level except for child birth. nothing was coming out and i was literrally screaming for my husbands help. suddenly amongst the abdominal cramping i knew i was going to be sick, i jumped off the toilet dry heaved once, then vomited once, dry heaved again then vomited a second time. i did not feel better right away in fact my arms went completely numb. then the abdominal cramping started again. this time i did poop out a painfully large movement . the pain was agonizing, i ended up in the er for anxiety attacks and ended up being admitted for six days, they even wanted to send me to Bridges a mental fascility in san pedro. but i just wanted to come home. we lost the pregnancy and i feel heart broken hopeless and a little traumatized from everything thats happened, but i will try to take it one day at a time.

[bebzorg]

p.s i have already been in a mental institution and although it did help me that time around they can get pretty scary.

[kellybeth]

Oh no. I am so sorry. Was all the pain and cramps you were feeling a miscarrige? This is so terrible. I hope you are ok. Give yourself and your body sometime to heal. Im sure it wont be easy but it will get better. Im sorry for your loss.

[jmoore10]

That is truly heartbreaking and i am so sorry for the pain you must be feeling. Give yourself time to grieve and be with your family for comfort.
I wish you all the best and am so sorry to hear of your loss
Hugs from AZ
Jennifer

[bebzorg]

thank you ladies. i feel much worse emotionally than i do physically. sort of empty and alone. my husband doesnt seem to register that we lost a child, i feel like im mourning on my own.

[Missa_Mae]

I am so sorry for your loss. The cramping pain you were feeling were probably due to the miscarriage, along with the v* from the pain. Did your anxiety attach come on because of the pain?

I am so sorry

[sdfl]

(hugs) Deep sorrow for your loss love. It's a hard and heavy road but many of us women walked and/or are walking it right along with you. You had a traumatic experience, just rest your soul, your mind, and your body right now and let your heart grieve however it needs to. I lost a baby once and despite I was with the wrong person, the loss itself and the experience were traumatic. I felt pain much like that as well. My heart goes out to you big time. Also keep in mind, men process these things differently than we do. They may not show or express hurt over it. His grievance will be different than yours, or he may not grieve at all, but that doesn't mean he does not care. Let him feel okay about the way he handles it.
Just breath now...

[andee]

Couldn't have said it better than sdfl...but want to express my condolences as well. Please take care of yourself, take your time to grieve, and I am thinking of you.

[paulinek]

I am so sorry take care of yourself xxx

[Taryynx]

I am so sorry to hear about you loss <3 all my love and prayers for you, it must be heartbreaking. Stay strong and we are all here supporting you

[3littlebirds]

I'm so sorry for your loss I've never gone through that but I imagine it must be completely heartbreaking. I read a poem by Sylvia Plath about miscarriage, I think it's called Parliament Hill Fields. I just remember that she writes "your absence is inconspicuous/ nobody can tell what I lack" and thinking how sad it was. Your post made me think of that I'm sorry, lots of hugs xx

[Erica1649]

I'm so sorry about what has happened to you and your family. Please know we are thinkin of you and please know we Are here for you if you need to talk.

[Skittles04]

I'm so sorry you had to go through with that, you are so brave. let yourself grieve now, but remember that one day soon, life will be kind to you again. xxx

[bebzorg]

thank you everyone. it seems like everywhere i look people are pregnant or having babies. i have decided that im getting a tubal ligation. i dont think i want to go through something like that again. im only 30 but i have three kids so i do have a blessed large family. its just disheartening to know i wont ever have another baby.
@ 3littlebirds, its funny you should say that, I always had a spot for Plath in my heart. When i was in the mental ward my roomate was receiving EST, of course its come a long way since Plath's time;BUT the aftermath was very hard to see. anyway, when this happened to me i kind of retreated back into depression mode for a few days and i thought how lovely it would be to take a nap with my head in the oven! of course i would never do that to my family, but it was a lovely thought while it lasted.