I'm so sorry to hear about what you've gone through We are all here to support you. I know how you feel. I'm currently going to therapy, and it's just the beginning so I haven't made a significant amount of progress, but I have made small progress which is something. After starting therapy I realized that everyone should go to therapy! It just helps to have an outsider put things in perspective for you. You'll learn what your real issues are, for example, I've learned that I have issues with control (which is a big reason why v* scares me, it's something I try to control but can't). I highly recommend you find someone. I'm currently getting Emotional Transformation Therapy, and I really like it. I know others on here have tried other therapies as well, so you should find what works for you.

You are not alone, and we are in this together! You'll be okay