Full on panic mode!! Hiding in my van.

[Mathelica]

I looked over at my son sitting on the couch and he had THAT look. I told him to run for the trash can and he just SAT THERE. I involuntarily started screaming at him and even cussed at him. I very rarely ever swear and I have NEVER once in his life sworn at him...but when panic set in it just came out. I hate myself for that and for lecturing and yelling at him afterward, but my brain is not functioning correctly at the moment and nothing I'm saying is right. I'm shaking. Seriously panicking right now. Luckily my husband is home and was able to clean up. But he's not being at all nice to me and is lecturing me about getting on to my son.

I couldn't help it. When I saw him with the look of knowing what was going to happen on his face and he didn't do anything I got angry, it was all I could think. He's 6, he should recognize the feeling and know where to go and he didn't. Even when I told him what to do he just sat there. I guess somewhere in my head I know that it's not fair, he was scared and just couldn't think...but my panic more is overriding that and I can't be anything but angry.

And I can't bring myself to go back inside the house. He's still there...and I'm worried my daughter might have it too. I won't be able to go in my living room or use my couch for awhile now....even though it's been cleaned and it's gone, it's almost like my brain still sees it and anything my son was around at the moment it happened is now tainted. I cant handle this anymore. Help me!

[andee]

Okay, you need to try to get yourself together...slowly try to go back in the house, after you know everything is cleaned. Talk to your hubby, and yes, later on, you probably should apologize to your son. You don't want any trauma with him, and I don't think 6 years old is old enough to know when and where to go. Just explain that you got a little nervous, etc. He needs to know that he isn't being blamed, and he's def. not too young to understand all that. Don't be too hard on yourself...we all know the panic and irrational behaviors that you don't mean to do...take care.

[Ana Bellini]

Your husband knows about Emet, right? He should understand. I have to say, you can't really blame your son, I don't know if it's just me but I kind of forget the feeling. He was wrong, right, but he was scared. I remember May, when I v*, I couldn't move for a few moments. I just sat there, crying.

I know it will be difficult, but try to do this: Tell your son you are not mad at him, or he'll blame himself. If it's too difficult, ask your husband to tell him so. Can you go to your room without being in the living room? You have to sleep, after all.

Good luck.

[Mathelica]

My husband got everyone taken care of and in bed then came out to talk to me. I broke down and bawled and I think that made him see how bad this is for me. He has no idea how to help me though, and I don't either. He told me he would take me inside and let me pretend to take care of "it" so I could face my fear. I told him it doesn't work that way lol.

Idk what tomorrow is going to bring, but I know the first thing I will do tomorrow will be to apologize. My husband said my son wanted to come out and apologize to me for v* and I bawled some more. Give me a broken bone and I'm cool as a cucumber, or just about ANY situation, I can handle. But a little v* and I'm a complete basket case. It's one of the few things I just CAN'T handle and I know I act irrationally when that fear and panic set in. I know it wasn't fair of me to be angry, and I wasn't really angry at HIM, I know it was just the fear talking. I'm a little calmer now and thinking a little more clearly. I don't want him to feel bad, I don't want him to be afraid to do it if he's ill, I feel terrible that I already have started that fear in him. It's not fair to him. I will do my best to explain it to him and apologize profusely of course. I know it wasn't his fault, but I also know that it wasn't my rational mind's fault either. This is a huge problem for me and obviously not something I'm in any sort of control over. Like i said I'm normally cool, and can handle a lot and love my kids very dearly and support them in everything else...there's just this one thing in my life I can't control...and thankfully I have pretty healthy kids for the most part and having to deal with this issue is only a rare occurrence. They know I love and support them, but even super moms can't be 100% all the time right?

[Valen]

Wow...Im so sorry that happened to u honey, and feel bad for your son being ill =/ i hope he feels better soon. and if u makes U feel any better, i act the same kind of crazy when my kids get sick. i dont use profanity lol but i DO go insane like a mad woman. they are used to me being 'a lil weird' but im pretty sure some of the things i do freak them out sometimes too! and ur completely right- we handle everything in the world when it comes down to it..i think we're allowed to have the off moments when it comes to our one biggest fear! but dont let it stress u out tooo much if u can help it. take care of ur baby