My husband got everyone taken care of and in bed then came out to talk to me. I broke down and bawled and I think that made him see how bad this is for me. He has no idea how to help me though, and I don't either. He told me he would take me inside and let me pretend to take care of "it" so I could face my fear. I told him it doesn't work that way lol.

Idk what tomorrow is going to bring, but I know the first thing I will do tomorrow will be to apologize. My husband said my son wanted to come out and apologize to me for v* and I bawled some more. Give me a broken bone and I'm cool as a cucumber, or just about ANY situation, I can handle. But a little v* and I'm a complete basket case. It's one of the few things I just CAN'T handle and I know I act irrationally when that fear and panic set in. I know it wasn't fair of me to be angry, and I wasn't really angry at HIM, I know it was just the fear talking. I'm a little calmer now and thinking a little more clearly. I don't want him to feel bad, I don't want him to be afraid to do it if he's ill, I feel terrible that I already have started that fear in him. It's not fair to him. I will do my best to explain it to him and apologize profusely of course. I know it wasn't his fault, but I also know that it wasn't my rational mind's fault either. This is a huge problem for me and obviously not something I'm in any sort of control over. Like i said I'm normally cool, and can handle a lot and love my kids very dearly and support them in everything else...there's just this one thing in my life I can't control...and thankfully I have pretty healthy kids for the most part and having to deal with this issue is only a rare occurrence. They know I love and support them, but even super moms can't be 100% all the time right?