Your poor daughter! I remember being 9 (I'm 22 now) and terrified of going to bed at night to the point that I would kick and scream! Since any time I had ever gotten sick it was at night I was too scared! So I can understand not wanting to do something and fighting against it. Of course I had to go to bed every night though.. And to this day it is difficult for me to go to bed sometimes! It's good that she is open with you about her fear. I wish I had been more open with my parents back then. Maybe if I had been my parents wouldn't have been so harsh when they were pushing me into going to bed.. Perhaps there is a compromise for her. Like she can be homeschooled but she has to pick up on some hobbies? Like a sport or Girl Scouts. Maybe that would help her stay social without completely terrifying her. In the meantime work on therapy and just being there for her!