hey, my heads in a pretty similair place right now- not good.
it's scary and it sucks, i'm only a year older than you, and your right its scary to see how many people are still suffering as adults it's like how long do we have to do this for?! will it ever end?
erghh its a horrible phobia, but at the very least, your not alone.
have you tried any therepy? i know it may not cure the phobia, but it might take the edge of it a bit- anything's an improvement.
your boyfriend sounds like a good guy, reassuring you, i've got friends like that it helps sosososso much!

and btw, i know this will be hard for you to accept, but please try and understand that people won't hate you if you v* in front of them. everyone v* at some point, it's just like how people don't hate someone if they sneeze- its just something annoying the body does. trust me, people will NOT hate you if you v*

its so hard, sometimes i just want to go to sleep, wake up when it's over. instead, you have to make compromises to make your life easier, until maybe one day it will all be okay.
PM me if you want to talk xx