What caused your emetophobia?

[andee]

Mine started at age 9-10 when I had the flu and my doc gave me medicine with codeine in it, which made me Very ill...started the whole thing, anxiety, panic, hating school, not eating, hospitalizations, etc...

[PhoenyxAngel]

When I was six I had a severe case of the Rotavirus. It left me sick for days and I eventually wound up in the hospital and almost died from dehydration.

[FredV45]

When I was a baby, I had to have an emergency operation as a result of my pyloric stenosis which almost killed me because I was so dehydrated. It basically involves projectile vomiting and babies cannot keep anything in their stomach. Of course, I have no real recollection of this, I still think the experience was traumatic enough for me to store into my subconscious. I've been an emet for a very long time. My parents said I was *always* terrified of it--whether it was me or someone else.

Secondly, I am a huge control freak and I honestly think part of the reason I have this phobia is because I cannot control the act itself which puts a lot of stress on me. If I am not in control of something that is happening to me or a situation I am in that I find unpleasant, I freak the fuck out. It's a bitch.

I felt so reassured by your Post... thank you! Wow, I'm not a freak after all.
It's reasonable to assume that everybody hates puking, and so I never linked my deeply emotional abhorrence of it with my pyloric stenosis history. In raising our 4 kids, I dealt with the mess of foul nappies/diapers etc and my wife cleaned up the occasional vomit: neither of could stand doing what we didn't do!
Like you I'm a control freak and you are correct: "being sick" is such a complete loss of control and dignity.
But what was really an "aha!" moment for me was what you wrote about puking connecting with the character of PS and with what the science of our emotions calls "somatic memory". When I had my PS operation back in 1945 the conditions were very primitive and the survival rate was just 75 - 95% (and it's gone to almost 100% since). The stress on my parents was always palpable to me and that and the PS, surgery and hospital regime have affected me through most of my life. I cannot remember anything and yet the whole story has been in me so powerfully: my body had been traumatised and I've been working on this, quite successfully. So, until recently I could not understand why my surgery and what came with it were such an obsession - until the information and interaction possible via the web enabled me to work it out.
I've read, researched, and written about all this and about the trauma that can result from PS and its surgery on my blogsite (survivinginfantsurgery), but strangely I had never linked all that with emetophobia.
Thanks again and best wishes on your journey!

[Murder-my-soul]

My mom always yelled at me for v*. I wouldn't do it often but it's like she had to go out of her way and it ruined her day. She is not emet.

[Crazy-foreverxXx]

Well my sister used to get every bug there was so I just remember her crying and literally waiting with a face of agony to puke in the toilet as a cousin of mine was in there.... ugh. I can remember it so vividly. There was a girl in my class in Year 3 that vomited, I remember my Dad being sick after being drunk... I remember my cousin throwing up all over the sofa... I remember throwing up myself all over the sofa and my Mum getting angry at me. So many people being sick!

[DeadxxInside92]

I felt so reassured by your Post... thank you! Wow, I'm not a freak after all.
It's reasonable to assume that everybody hates puking, and so I never linked my deeply emotional abhorrence of it with my pyloric stenosis history. In raising our 4 kids, I dealt with the mess of foul nappies/diapers etc and my wife cleaned up the occasional vomit: neither of could stand doing what we didn't do!
Like you I'm a control freak and you are correct: "being sick" is such a complete loss of control and dignity.
But what was really an "aha!" moment for me was what you wrote about puking connecting with the character of PS and with what the science of our emotions calls "somatic memory". When I had my PS operation back in 1945 the conditions were very primitive and the survival rate was just 75 - 95% (and it's gone to almost 100% since). The stress on my parents was always palpable to me and that and the PS, surgery and hospital regime have affected me through most of my life. I cannot remember anything and yet the whole story has been in me so powerfully: my body had been traumatised and I've been working on this, quite successfully. So, until recently I could not understand why my surgery and what came with it were such an obsession - until the information and interaction possible via the web enabled me to work it out.
I've read, researched, and written about all this and about the trauma that can result from PS and its surgery on my blogsite (survivinginfantsurgery), but strangely I had never linked all that with emetophobia.
Thanks again and best wishes on your journey!

New here. I had pyloric stenosis as a baby. My mom said she would come in and my eyes would be matted shut. Do I somehow remember that? When I was young my sister was on the top bunk and I was below trapped. It was like being behind a place where people get married in NY and Ontario (trying not to be graphic). I am somewhat ok if I do it in private. In public I would die. If I was Beiber, I would be in Siberia now. I am also irrationally mad at him. I think the public fear is getting worse. Females that have had kids sometimes do other things when that happens to add to the embarrassment. I panic when others do it. I shake, cry, gag, can't concentrate, and have once done it in sympathy. Panic attack central. Nice to know there are others out there with this fear.

I realize that pyloric stenosis is extremely common amongst infants. I learned all of the depths of it in my medical term class this past spring. However, I've conducted a lot of research on my own as well. I've concluded through my research that it does not manifest into emotional/psychological issues or even physical issues. Once the matter is resolved, it's resolved and it will never be problematic throughout adulthood. However, I am not convinced. I find it frustrating when doctors just dismiss it as a potential cause for some of these psychological struggles.

I imagine you both have scars on your abdomen, correct? People ask me all the time about my scar and thus I explain the PS quite often. I am wondering if that has something to do with it. The scar is a reminder of the trauma even if I cannot recall the experience itself. I think that alone is enough to be a trigger, wouldn't you agree? Due to my job, dozens of people ask me every single day what it is so I have to recount the story all over again. I realize I could just not mention PS when asked about the scar or avoid the truth in order to not amplify my anxiety, alas, I am not that creative when put on the spot. Anyways, I've feared vomit/vomiting my whole life, for as long as I and my parents can remember. As a child, I would have most likely preferred to be paid a visit by the grim reaper himself than face my phobia. After all is said and done, I cannot think of a single logical reason other than PS that would trigger such an intense fear of vomit. No one else in my family is even phased by it and never has been. I am the only child who had PS. No other immediate relatives or friends for that matter have had it either. I find it funny for as common as it is, I've only met one other person who's had it. All of these are reasons to believe PS and emetophobia are somehow linked, at least in my case.


Beiber as in Justin Beiber? lolwut I'm so confused

[Poptartius]

I can pretty much pinpoint when it all started (at least the first time I recall doing it). I don't remember my age exactly but anyway my mom had made dinner and we were all eating. She was upset that I wouldn't eat or even try my pickles. I kept being stubborn about eating them until she put a Dill slice in my mouth and told me that I had to swallow it and was not allowed to leave the table until I did. Well, I knew I couldn't swallow it so instead I tucked it up in the side of my jaw between my jaw and inner cheeks. I was so paranoid about spitting it out (I didn't want to get yelled at) that I kept it in the side of my mouth ALL NIGHT. Needless to say around 4 in the morning, I woke up in my crib and felt really sick (pickle still in the side of my mouth) and suddenly I started vomiting and was screaming for my mom and dad to come in my room but they didn't hear me crying for quite a while, and so I think that is when it all started. Oddly enough, I can eat pickles now (although quite rarely) so they didn't scar me as bad as the vomiting did.

[FredV45]

Most books and doctors will tell you that what happens to a baby has no effect on it when they grow up. This may seem so to many but research of the last 20 or so years has shown that it's not as simple as that. There's much still to be understood, but several things have been identified as leaving their mark for life, esp in sensitive people or when aggravated by other factors (like later surgery, a death in the close family, abuse, etc).
My parents were already traumatized before I was born (another story), I was their first baby and started v* in the most violent and uncontrollable way, I needed surgery after 10 days by which time my developing brain had been starved for some days, the sickness and surgery had a high death-rate, no proper anesthetic (perhaps local - still the way for some today), was separated from my mother for >2 weeks (fear of infection). Add to that that when I grew up my parents never wanted to answer my questions (understandable avoidance/denial but...). Small wonder I felt deeply embarrassed about my scar which I didn't understand for several years, etc etc. It's not that I need or want sympathy, and I am thankful to be here today. It's just that I now read studies and investigative articles about the effects of all this on people like me, recognize it all adds up for me, and I want people affected to have the opportunity to know this stuff too. And it's no secret: I have newspaper articles, medical reports, books by reputable psychologists and therapists, but all from the last couple of decades. It seems all this just wasn't thought about or kept hush hush - like ptsd from war experience is only now talked about openly.

[Ana Bellini]

When I was three, I had meningitis and would throw up all the time for weeks. I should have gone to the hospital but, I don't know why, my mother decided she would cure me at home. My little brother also caught it so it was me and him, throwing up, crying, and my parents don't knowing what to do.

I don't live. I survive. Almost every day at school I have to talk to the therapist because I think I'm sick, I eat almost nothing, urgh, this is not life!

[aurora0917]

i've been afraid of V since i was 6 or 7. What really made it the worst was when i was in 2nd grade, there was one kid in my class who would vomit almost every single week. i sat near him in all of my classes due to the alphabetical seating arrangement, and soon grew very grossed out and scared of V. I also saw the humiliation he went through each time, which probably made my mind link V with trauma and embarassment. Since second grade, i can distinctively recall every single time i've encountered V. My fear didn't become a full-blown obsessive phobia until 3 years ago when i moved to Michigan. In the area I live in, almost everyone i know comes down with the stomach flu at least once a year. Experiencing so many scares, and getting an SV for the first time in 18 years definitely set my anxiety through the roof.

[FredV45]

E'phobia is part of part of trauma and is very common. You could be right - all the things you mention could have contributed to your issue. Also true is that there's growing interest in and acceptance of the ongoing effects of physical and emotional pain pre-conscious memory. Google for the work of Dr K J S Anand and the NY Times articles that came from his work. Your 1970 surgery was well before attitudes on early trauma started to change.
My phobias arose from my parents' stories and what they stonewalled about, plus my deep embarrassment about a prominent scar which raised questions I couldn't at the time answer. This was trauma inducing. But I'm also sure all this connected with somatic (body) memories older and deeper in my psyche. This is what we're finding now.
Like you, my stuff has had all sorts of consequences, but somehow my Christian faith wasn't affected.

[Evee]

I have no idea. The first time I saw someone get sick (when I was about 5, I think?) I freaked. It went downhill from there.

[DelciaO]

I suffer from Emetophobia, and I have no idea why.

I've only v* twice in my life, once when I was 3 and once again in 2003. I remember each one very well, but I wasn't scared at all and my mom even told me I wasn't scared.
It developed somewhere between ages 5-7 for me (I am 14 now). The earliest memory I recall of being scared of v* was when I was watching a movie... I remember it so vividly!

(If anyone can name this movie I will be super happy!)
Well there was Dakota Fanning and another actor, the role she played was (I think) her stepmom. Well they went to an amusement park/carnival and they went on this spinning ride. They were spinning and spinning and just looking at eachother. Next think you know Dakota Fanning is v*ing in a trash bin. (When I was little, I saw that and it made me run to the bathroom in fear!) Well then Dakota Fanning slapped the other girl actor, then the actor slapped her back, then Dakota slapped her again! And that's all I remember about the movie...

After that I was so scared. I wouldn't leave the house, would get so scared if I had a stomach rumble, and this was when I was young!

It took a few years to subsides little, but I know I have always had it. I remember, my brother gets an sv* every year, and every time he would get it I would go in panic mode. I would be terrified to stay at home in fear that his sv* germs were floating throughout the house. I would sleep with a mask on and I would Lysol EVERYTHING. And every time my brother has an sv* I do this. I also remember when I was little and used to be very scared of v*ing, I would go into my moms room at night and cry. This still gives me flashbacks of horrid fear. My family also used to travel a lot and the carsickness would be unbearable. This might have contributed.
The only time I can recall in my life that I've had an sv* was the summer of this year. I was scared, but after my fear kind of faded a little the last 6 years I was fine. I took a nap, and actually woke up and had to v*. I held really still, and I was scared. But I didn't v*, and then I felt fine!!! I never had a fever or d* either.
After that I thought for sure I wasn't Emetophobic anymore.
But then when school started, the stress gave me nausea spells in the middle of the night.
It was the most terrifying thing ever. And now my fear is back, 10x worse.
It really is a horrible fear, because you can't run away from it and you can't hide. The only fear is YOURSELF.
I have had 1 panic attack from my emet., even though there are times I'm so scared I just cry and cry and cry... It is just so scary. And when other people around me are sick, I nearly pass out. But I believe even after all these memories bestowed in my little brain, I could overcome it. Anyone can. And to know that other people suffer the same way I do, even sometimes worse, I don't feel alone. I wish the best of luck for everyone suffering from this!
Hope & Love! <3

~Delcia

[DelciaO]

One last thing:
To be honest, I would rather v* at school with all my friends then at home, all alone. I don't know what the fear is. It's not pain, embarrassment, or any of that. It's just a fear of the fear. It is confusing and I hope to be able to understand it and fix it soon.
All as well!

~Delcia

[gumdropper1]

(If anyone can name this movie I will be super happy!)
Well there was Dakota Fanning and another actor, the role she played was (I think) her stepmom. Well they went to an amusement park/carnival and they went on this spinning ride. They were spinning and spinning and just looking at eachother. Next think you know Dakota Fanning is v

Uptown Girls. The other actor was the late Brittany Murphy.

Doug

[ruhligv]

I'm a newby here! I've had emet since I was probably 8ish, it caused me to have agoraphobia for years and I have been on all kinds of antidepressants and have horrible anxiety. I just was able to start taking classes at Ferris State University two years ago, I live in an apartment with my two cats... But have had a lot of trouble going to classes for fear of randomly coming down with something and being far away from my car and escape! That and all the horrible germ infested students! The last 2 semesters I was able to get all online courses but I know it's not good to hide away and I'm only feeding my fears. I do work full time and am always proficient and confident at my job, at the front desk of a hotel here. It's odd cuz I'm the only employee in the hotel during my shift and am in charge of everything and the job can be very stressful but for some reason I feel very in control and don't have anxiety there very often... Unless a coworker or guest becomes ill of course! The last time I V*ed was about 5 yrs ago when I had a sv. It was awful, but I survived. I don't know why I'm still so terrified by it! I dream of what it must be like to be normal and not constantly worry about it! I get very anxious in places like Walmart where there are a lot of people I feel like I could randomly just get sick. I hate riding in the car with other people because I feel out of control and if I feel anxious I can't just turn around and go home. Every time I hear that someone has gotten sick my mind goes numb and I instantaneously panic, terrified I will catch it! Even if its someone who lives like an hour away! My whole family lives an hour away as I am at school and every time I go home is so stressful because they know I'm paranoid and they won't tell me if anyone had recently been sick, even if I ask they'll lie! And I feel like I'm being inundated with sv germs the whole time cuz they don't bleach everything like I do and are much more exposed than me!

I just want to be normal and stop missing out on life. I forced myself to go back to school at 24 and I want to start going to campus classes again. I want to play with my nieces and nephew without worrying for 4 days after that ill get sick! I want to have a family someday!

I have a new bf, we started dating 2 months ago, and he works on the computers on campus. How germ infested is that? And he has no idea that I am such a nervous wreck, idk how much longer I can keep face! He said he felt queazy the other day and I had a full blown panic attack... And told him that v was my biggest phobia... He said, 'it's not that bad...'

Only if it felt that way to me!

[arora]

I'm pretty sure I got this phobia around age 3 or 4. My older brother and I were in the living room, him in the couch and me on the floor. All the sudden out of nowhere my brother V* in front of me on the floor and my mom rushed in to take him to the bathroom and I started screaming and crying bc the suddenness and panic scared me so my dad picked me up and was walking toward the bathroom to see how he was doing and I remember screaming trying to get away. For the next week I convinced myself I was sick and made my mom set a bowl by my bed every night and would sit over the toilet just incase. I even left my cousins birthday party bc I remember getting a gaggy feeling and thinking I was gonna be sick. Needless to say I never did get sick...but from then on I had the phobia.

Plus everytime a kid got sick in class, the teachers would all panic and rush us out of the room or something crazy. That scared me too. Made me think it was something really bad.

[not_alone]

As a 35 year old man (former military and civilian police officer who coped with the horrendous sights that are part and parcel of such jobs) I was on a minibus travelling from a hotel to the airport in Menorca I suddenly felt very very ill. A young child was V* and my 9 year old was complaining of stomach trouble, I maintained a feeling of ill health which grew worse and even though i shouted at the bus driver to turn on the air con he simply turned up the heating - no water - no refreshments just issessent N*. I didn`t v* nor did my brave son but it gave me my first acknowledged panic attack and since then a real phobia of v* and n*. I love my son so much and i am scared he is following in my footsteps sometimes I think he would be better off without me because what kind of role model am I when I am unable to cope with this s**t!!!!!!!. I truly hate myself but I am determined to turn the corner and become the Dad I should be.

[AmandaK618]

My dad was an alcoholic. When I was 4 years old I walked in the living room and he was projectile vomiting from being drunk. I got so scared I passed out and didn't talk for days. I thought he was dying.

[LivelyLucy]

When i was 9,We had recently came home from Holiday and i was feeling a bit queasy on the plane home,but it wasnt until late at night i suddenly was sick all over my room,the hallway. And bathroom. Also a little while after about a year later my sister almost died choking on hers from drinking

And that is how i am a emetophobe and a teetotaller

[powermargin]

My papa had stomach cancer when I was four and he would throw up alot without warning, then he died, I was about five. Its not like im afraid vomiting will kill me I just hate it so much its just so violent.

Tell me why you are emetophobic

My story is almost exactly the same- even down to the age range. My father was sick when I was a child, and V* a lot when I was 4-5 years old. He died when I was 5, and I'm 100% sure this is where my phobia comes from. It was probably made much worse by an overactive gag reflex, and a pediatric dentist that tied my arms to the chair so I wouldn't push him away.

[harmony18]

Will try and keep it as short as i can with bullet points..

# ive had it since about 3 years old but not sure why..
#then my mum got ill when i was around 9 and she was being s* a hell of alot with blood ect
#my emet got worse and i ended up with OCD
#for years i was freaking out
# when i was in my last years of school i would go on school trips and people would be getting s* all over the place and i was in a diffrent country
#Then a friend at school was being beaten by his dad at home and he started to loose the plot.. bringing things in from playground and swollowing them in glass making hiself v* on the same table as me..
#he would talk to himself and i asked who and he said the voices in my head telling me to do theses things..
#I got ill and fainted so then i didnt attend school for my last 2 years.. didnt do gcse's ect..
#then from the age of 15 to 17 i had home teaching then the gov didnt want to pay for it and tryed to send me back to school..i wasnt having any of it..
#from the age of 18 to 20 i stopped eating got panic attacks everyday.. wouldnt go out the house even at xmas why my family went to see family..I got so weak i couldnt walk and had to get carried..
# a friend helped me get better so from the age of 21 ish i started going out again..
#but now i dont get panic attacks as i attended theses one on one class's to show me how to control them..
#but now i just check what i eat and never eat it if i get a feeling somethings wrong..
#i now have a sixth senth and can know when or if i will be in conntact with someone..like as i walk into a shop i will get thing over powering feeling not to go in.. or when i baby sat for my niece for weeks running up to it i knew she would v* when i baby sat..what happend..? she v*

ive tryed cbt and hypnotherapy but no luck..im still an emet.. i dont think anything works but facing the fear..but then that does not mean it will go away..it could make it worse in meny cases..

my childhood was awful and may not seem to bad but thats because ive cut it down and not gone into lots of detail..but i saw alot of v* when i was younger thats how it got worse.. but like i say ive had it since i was about 3..can remember plugging my ears.. but i cant remember of anything happening before the age of 3..

[H.B.]

I have no idea... I saw a kid v* in his dinner when I was 2, then waking up & v* in bed soon after, mom sent me to the toilet, I remember thinking "what just happened to my body? That felt funny in my throat, how did I make it happen? Can I do it again? " and I did a little, then flushed the toilet. I wasn't scared then, but I didn't v* again til I was 24.... I went 22 years without it, so when it happened, the fear of the unknown, what would it feel like? Pain? Would I choke? That's what I'm scared of. The 2 times I've v* in the past 8 years, I had nothing really in my stomach, so nothing but water came out,and it was over pretty quickly. Still gross,and the horrible pain and nausea just before is awful :-(

[ewilkins]

I have absolutely no clue. I remember getting sick some as a child, but it didn't seem like any huge deal back then. I honestly don't remember any associated trauma or anything like that. All I know is that I hate to v more than anything in this world and will do anything I can to prevent it.

[SnugglePuff]

When I was 6 years old, I went to a friends' house for dinner. We had that canned Chef Boyarde ravioli. My mom picked me up a little later and I went to bed soon after getting home. I awoke in the night feeling horrible and vomiting. I didn't stop, just kept going all night so my mother took me to the hospital. I was admitted for severe dehydration and hooked up to an iv. The whole thing was frightening and is my first memory if being sick.

[aussie_girl]

Not sure think I got it off my mum as she hates vomiting too.. I remember being sick as a child alot without a doubt every year untill I moved to australia from the uk when I was 13 havnt been sick since 2006 from a sv when I was 16 and have v* 2wice due to alcohol and morning sickness few months ago I'm 22 weeks pregnant and have an 8 month old daughter yeah I'm crazy I suffer all day morning n night sickness!! And had my first sick baby this week and when we went emergency deparment there was kids everywhere with sick buckets i held my daughter and said as far away as I could SV* are everywhere here in aus ATM it's summer but weather keeps fluctuating anyway my phobia has grew so much since my partner got food poisning in Thailand being sick for 24 hours non stop

[phedre]

I'm almost certain mine started when I was about 8 or 9. During that period, my younger sister would wake up sick in the middle of the night frequently. Sometimes it was because she had sv or other times for no apparent reason. There was lots of d and v in the room and since we shared a room, I would wake up to her screaming and hear her being sick, and then there were the smells, etc. Not to mention a handful of times I got sick as well because what she had was contagious.

I don't remember it ever bothering me before that. Now it's a huge issue because I cannot take care of my husband if he is sick and I'm terrified to get pregnant because of possible morning sickness. I found this forum while I was searching for possible treatment and I hope that I can find something that helps me.

[Erin80]

Hearing my mom throwing up from a sv when I was little I think is what started it. My brother used to catch the sv a lot, and my mom for some reason always caught it from him (but never from me!). Anyway, I'd be woken up hearing her getting sick and I'd feel SO bad for her, I'd cry and plug my ears and be so scared. Then when I was 11, I caught the sv and threw up twice. The first time was quick and over fast, but the second time seemed to go on and on, was violent, I couldn't catch my breath and couldnt' breathe. I was terrified. Ever since then, I've been super scared. Seeing my daughters heave hard like that and not be able to breathe scares the crap out of me too, and I get very emotional and will often cry...which is why my husband deals with it mostly.