As a 35 year old man (former military and civilian police officer who coped with the horrendous sights that are part and parcel of such jobs) I was on a minibus travelling from a hotel to the airport in Menorca I suddenly felt very very ill. A young child was V* and my 9 year old was complaining of stomach trouble, I maintained a feeling of ill health which grew worse and even though i shouted at the bus driver to turn on the air con he simply turned up the heating - no water - no refreshments just issessent N*. I didn`t v* nor did my brave son but it gave me my first acknowledged panic attack and since then a real phobia of v* and n*. I love my son so much and i am scared he is following in my footsteps sometimes I think he would be better off without me because what kind of role model am I when I am unable to cope with this s**t!!!!!!!. I truly hate myself but I am determined to turn the corner and become the Dad I should be.