Parties, holidays - what do you tell people?

[Lori35inRI]

So it's getting to holiday season (though this happens all year).

My fear is so bad now that I do not want to eat anything that anyone else has prepared because I don't know how they prepared it (washed their hands, etc.) Sometimes I'm not questioned about it, but when it comes to family functions and people are picking from platters or passing food around, I tend to say no thank you. The problem is... I was severely anorexic for 12 years (140 pounds in 1993 and down to 60 pounds in 2004). ANYWAY, people automatically start assuming I am restricting again and start telling my parents or husband that they better watch me. Really?? My husband will use the term "germophobe" and tell people I won't eat anything I did not see cooked.

This sucks! For instance, we are going to a Halloween party tonight at a friend's house (where there will be many teenagers) and I know I won't eat anything because they are not the cleanest people around. And if I do, I will panic for the next 3 days waiting to get sick!

Granted, there are a couple people who know about my emet, I don't feel the need to tell everyone. The conversation would go something like:

Me: I have emetophobia
Them: Emet-what? What the hell is that?
Me: I'm terrified to v*
Them: I don't like to v* either
Me: No, no, you don't understand - I would rather break all of the bones in my body or stick ice picks in my ears than be sick
Them: Really?
Me: (walks away in embarrassment)

Does it make sense to disclose this to people? If do, is there an easier way than to make myself feel like a freak?

Thanks for reading. I really don't have anyone I can talk to about this stuff. My husband does not understand and I don't want to burden him.

[Reebes]

My emet also centers around food - mainly I just worry that if I eat too much I'll get sick, so I don't eat a lot, especially around other people, and especially in public and at resturants. I hate it that people notice how much other people eat, and I've had people ask me if I have ED or question me about my eating (I've gone from 165 to 120 in the past few years, and I'm 5'6"). Anyway, what I do is just pretend to eat - bring a fork full of food up to my mouth and pantomine taking a bite and chewing, push food around my plate with my fork, etc. Whatever to get through the meal. It helps get people's attention off of my if they even think I'm eating. People see what they want to see, so if they think you are eating, you may get less questions.

I haven't really told anyone I'm emet, aside from my husband and a few clothes friends. I've told both of my parents (I'm 38), but I don't think either really understand. I don't bother telling people because the response is always "no one likes to get sick." My husband finally gets it, but it took a lot of conversations for him to understand how seriously this impacts me.

[SamiMichelle08]

Oh gosh, I'm the same way!! We always have carry ins at my work and every time I don't eat.. Unless I brought it in. People always look at me funny and make remarks that I need to start eating better. It's so annoying. No one understands. And I also haven't told anyone besides my fiancé. He's amazing with it though. He helps me out and doesn't criticize like my friends and parents did. But I agree with ^Reebes. Maybe just get your plate full and push the food around. Or even if its a 'cook out' or nothing fancy just share a plate with your husband since he understands. Then no one will notice your not eating. Hope you get through the holidays! Actually I hope WE ALL get through the holidays!!

[AoD]

Well, there's always the "sorry, I'm not hungry, I ate before" excuse when attending a party (and I actually do eat before). I use that a lot, especially since a lot of my friends aren't exactly the most careful about avoiding germs. I don't have too much trouble at holidays cause I only go to visit my parents and I know they're very careful (it's been a very, very long time since anyone got a sv at our house). But yeah, usually I will avoid anything at parties that isn't individually wrapped and safe. Sometimes I will also just tell people that I have food intolerances and that this is why I will not eat anything I haven't made myself. It's a half-lie, as I do have a sensitivity to gluten, but usually that shuts people up more effectively than saying "look, I'm a germophobe and I don't trust you to be clean enough"'.

[stopthissong]

The fact is, people who don't have this fear will NEVER understand it unless they've lived just one day of our lives. They have no idea how almost every aspect of life is effected by this fear. If they can't respect that and give me my space for that, then I just don't think they're the right people for me to be hanging out with. OR if they don't respect what I think and feel abotu this fear, then it shouldn't bother me, they can't understand it and that's that! If they are rude and horrible about it, then I just remove myself from the environment. I usually so "no thanks" to the food as well... if you could bring your own platter of food to share then maybe they would see that you are eating (and not being anorexic) and that you're having a good time. All the best!

[Lori35inRI]

Thanks for the replies.

I actually did eat before the party so I wouldn't have to eat there. I only had some candy that was wrapped.

It's so hard... Like I tried telling my boss about it this morning and he' like "nobody likes being sick" so I gave him my usual reply and he says "you don't really mean that" - hell yeah I do!!!

Plus, our billing manager may have had a sv*, but we don't know for sure because he is 80 years old, drinks a lot, and generally does not take care of himself. He said he was sick yesterday, but came to work today for a few hours. THEN my boss proceeds to tell me that his son had "a 24 hour bug" a couple of days ago!

I am now sanitizing my hands TWICE before I eat anything.

I hate this!!

[tangelofo12]

I understand where you are coming from. I used to go to a Christmas Eve Party every year with my family, and the hostess made these awful dips, that I was always forced to try because my mom said it was the *polite* thing to do..... Usually a good way to avoid eating risky stuff at a party is to stick to dry foods like cookies or chips, and avoid things like dips, meats, and raw vegetables. If you really don't want to eat, you could always say you just had dental work done or something.... or the infamous "I already ate" excuse.