My 9 year old with emetophobia

[inaviajones]

Hello! I am new here; I am the mother of a 9 year old with emetophobia; it is getting progressively worse as she is now having full panic attacks at school and only wants to be with me due to the fear. I have helped her by teaching her to breathe and identify "negative thoughts" but sometimes it won't stop. I am seriously considering home-schooling her but I don't know if this will only reinforce the problem; however, as a mother it is very hard to receive an almost daily call from your child saying that she's "suffering" and "needs me to hug her" .... she is also doing some exposure therapy with me as I have not found a therapist who specializes on this here in south Florida. Anyone out there who can guide me? Thank you all!

[Valen]

Wow! thats a terrible thing to be going through, as a mom. Im very happy my kids dont suffer with this issue. As far as therapy, medial advice, etc..i am not of help, unfortunately... But as a mother of 3, I can give u the mommy advice & tell u to just be there for her as best as u know how. You know what's best for your girl- if the best thing to do is take her out of school, go for it. Just make sure you explain to her there's nothing to be afraid of, and remind her daily that she's okay...and of course ALWAYS give her the hugs good luck to you ladies!

[KaydeeJayde]

Aw, I'm so sorry she's having such a hard time. I'm not a medical professional, but I have a cousin who had a really severe phobia whose grandmother (who she was living with) took her out of school to home school her and it really did make the phobia worse. It's really based on the person as well. The only firm advice I can give you is to support her as much as you can. My mother is wonderful with me, but my father was absolutely a nightmare about my phobia and general anxiety and even though I had my mother's support, it was so hard that he didn't support me. It does sound like you're doing everything right there though. I hope you get something sorted out that works for you.

[Skittles04]

when i was a child, i was in a a similair situation to kaydee- my mum was (and still is) hugely supportive, while my dad thought i was a total nutcase. your daughter's so lucky to have you as a mum, just supporting her like you do will help her at least feel more comfortable. i can't give any advice on homeschooling sorry, (i'm still at school myself), but one thing to maybe keep in mind is that with school come friends, who could be a really good support group for you daughter.

good luck, to you and your daughter xx

[livepink]

Oh your poor daughter I remember being 9, my phobia was at it's worst, and being stuck in school.. I can totally sympathize with her. I can't say whether or not home schooling her would help the phobia or not, though. I lived with my grandmother who also has this phobia and I would go to the nurse having a panic attack making them call her to pick me up everyday. I wanted so badly to be home schooled but she never gave into me. Eventually the panic attacks went away at school but not completely, they happened to me all through college but I learned how to cope with them. Maybe if she started seeing a therapist and was home schooled for a year, that would give her enough time to learn some coping techniques without being overwhelmed with being in school at the same time?

I really hope things work out for you two, you'll be in my thoughts xox!

[Bezza1992]

Hey, im really sorry that as a Mum your having to watch your daughter suffer. I was home schooled from the age of 13 it didnt do me any harm as I kept all my friends and when you leave school you make new ones anyway.
First of all is there not anything put in place at the school, somewhere she can go and chill out or be away from others if shes panicky?? I am in the uk and over here we have a thing called quest in each school, its has qualified counsellours and therapists and you can go there if you need to.

You are doing an amazing job and whatever happens or no matter who you ask, you are the best person to make the right desicion for your daughter.

If you need anything please pm me, you will be in my thoughts,

Sam xx

[KaydeeJayde]

Hey, im really sorry that as a Mum your having to watch your daughter suffer. I was home schooled from the age of 13 it didnt do me any harm as I kept all my friends and when you leave school you make new ones anyway.
First of all is there not anything put in place at the school, somewhere she can go and chill out or be away from others if shes panicky?? I am in the uk and over here we have a thing called quest in each school, its has qualified counsellours and therapists and you can go there if you need to.

You are doing an amazing job and whatever happens or no matter who you ask, you are the best person to make the right desicion for your daughter.

If you need anything please pm me, you will be in my thoughts,

Sam xx

This is a good idea. We had one girl when I was in high school who had severe anxiety and would get panic attacks almost daily, and we had a classroom that wasn't used because it was too small and they made it a quiet room. Anyone could use it but it was mostly for those of us with anxiety and it was put as such in the school newsletter. It was shaded (curtains closed all the time kind of thing) and there were couches with blankets and cushions and stuff. It was designed by the school psychologist. It really helped. I know not every school can do that, but if you contact the school and see if there's anything they can put in place, like a quiet spot she can go when she's upset and panicking? Something she can think of as her spot, and it might make her a little more comfortable going to school.

[Ana Bellini]

I've been an Emet since I was born. Everyone has a gift; I also have a curse.

I remember when I was nine. I would leave classes everyday and stay with the teacher for a few minutes, getting distracted, before I went back to my class. Is your daughter close to the teachers? It's great. Every time I panic, I go to them and explain what's happening. They try to distract me, talking. It usually helps me a lot.

I'm not much older than your daughter - I'm fourteen, so I believe I can understand her problem. You can tell her to add me on facebook, if that will make her feel better. I'm online every night.

Try asking your daughter what's bothering her. There's always something. Also make sure to tell her she'll be alright, ok? And that I'm sending her a virtual hug.

I wish your daughter good luck.

[jenn_westphal]

Your poor daughter! I remember being 9 (I'm 22 now) and terrified of going to bed at night to the point that I would kick and scream! Since any time I had ever gotten sick it was at night I was too scared! So I can understand not wanting to do something and fighting against it. Of course I had to go to bed every night though.. And to this day it is difficult for me to go to bed sometimes! It's good that she is open with you about her fear. I wish I had been more open with my parents back then. Maybe if I had been my parents wouldn't have been so harsh when they were pushing me into going to bed.. Perhaps there is a compromise for her. Like she can be homeschooled but she has to pick up on some hobbies? Like a sport or Girl Scouts. Maybe that would help her stay social without completely terrifying her. In the meantime work on therapy and just being there for her!

[Jay417]

I was home-schooled from 9th-12th due to extreme bullying (I'm transgender) I've also been an emet since about 6 or 7. Being home schooled was amazing for me, I actually learned so much more than my peers. My phobia eased after I was taken from school, because I no longer felt trapped in a class when someone v'd. I maintained friendships and got into college easily. College did not cause my phobia to increase like high school did. My point is that everyone is an individual, and for some home schooling can be a wonderful option.

[Stephanie<3]

Your her mum so you know best but when i was about that age till i was 13 three years ago i used to scream and cry everyday not wanting to go to school and if my mum couldn't get me there it actually made my phobia worse being at home for a day but just support her and inform her teachers and i used to go to the learning support centre everyday where they helped me and sometimes have someone in the lesson with me too if my anxiety was really bad, but its good that she knows what it is at that age as i have only known for about 2 years what i actually have after being soo confused for years why i was soo terrified and depressed all the time.

[mishaisa]

For the Mom with the 9 yr old in South Florida. My 11 yr daughter has been battling this as well and we are in South Florida also!! We have seen a therapist for 2 yrs. I just recently found the Child and Adolescent Mood and Anxiety Treatment program at the University of Miami. We had an eval a week ago and I just went back for their treatment plan. They are going to do a very intense 2 week exposure therapy with my daughter. It sounds scary and it is not cheap, but we are ready to do anything that will be helpful. You should check them out. My daughter has missed many days of school and refuses to eat most foods for fear of getting sick. It effects her everyday life as well as the life of the rest of our family.

[stopthissong]

I'm sorry your daughter is suffering so much. It's definitely got to be hard to see that happen and it must be so hard for her at such a young age. I'm only 18 but I know that if I was taken from school (a place I generally didn't like because of how much exposure there is... I'm training to be a teacher, irony!), it would make my phobia worse because I would think it was normal to extract myself from an environment that was a normal part of life. I went through a stage where I would stop going to the mall or stop going to a grocery store because of this fear, and the more I extracted myself from places and people the more difficult it was to get back into them. This could definitely be different for your daughter, and you know her best, so it's up to you. You could always do a year or two of homeschooling and see if she gets a bit better and then put her back into school? Whatever you do will work because you'll use your instincts... don't be too hard on yourself. I hope you can make a decision and all the best for your daughter.

[jpglyde]

On behalf of your daughter I want to say thank you for your understanding of her condition. Your support is wonderful. When I was growing up I felt like a freak or weirdo because I thought no one in the world knew what I was going through. It wasn't until recently at age 37 when I finally got through to my parents and made them understand what has been plaguing me all my life.

[spilled_milk]

I'm so sorry for your daughter. I know this is a few months after you posted so I'm hoping that things have improved since then! I just wanted to say, I've had this since I was very young and my parents put me into therapy around age 9, which actually kept the phobia manageable and mostly at bay (unless I actually got sick) for years and years until the end of high school when it started to escalate. It allowed me to live my childhood like a kid.

I didn't have a therapist that specialized in my phobia, I just had a child therapist and it really helped. It's great that you're doing exposure with her, but (I would assume) you are not a trained therapist and it probably would be beneficial for her to see someone with training, even if it isn't specifically with emetophobia. Maybe try finding a therapist that has experience with anxiety disorders in general, or even just a psychologist who specializes in working with children!

Best of luck to both of you!

[Naeemahria91]

The fact that you are so supportive is so great! My parents were very supportive as well, especially my dad. One thing he did for me when I was little is that he bought me a stuffed animal, a puppy (that I still have) and sprayed the cologne he wore on it (if you wear perfume that would work or if not that's fine too I am sure). He told me that Darby would keep me safe and if I hugged it, it would make me feel better. So I had it with me in my backpack and would take it out if ever felt like I was going to panic. It really helped, and still does (and I am 22!). Also, be sure that her teachers are aware of the situation she's in and even give them resources so they can familiarize themselves with it (they are teachers, they're supposed to do things like this for their students).
Hope this helps!

[fixxxer2012]

my daughter also has this fear because of me and was terrified tonight when she was sick. its hard for me to comfort her when i have the same fear.

[auntjuju28]

I have an 8 year old daughter who, a couple of years ago, was starting to get this bad also. She didn't even want to go to sleep at night for fear that she would have thoughts or dreams about it. I have a mild fear of getting sick myself, but her fear was getting really bad. I ended up making her a book of pictures of pretty things, thing that she loved, things she thought were pretty and made her feel happy and anytime she was feeling the fear or focusing on the negative thoughts of people getting sick, I would have her look at her book of pictures and she says it helps. She has a few books now we have made over time and she still uses them when she needs to but things have gotten much better. I got the idea from a special education professional who I used to go to school with. She has some great ideas. She also suggested along with the picture book a very soft plush stuffed animal or some other thing that might be soothing to touch. My daughter still has problems with it from time to time but she's doing much better. Hope this helps!

[fivefeetshort]

Hey, im really sorry that as a Mum your having to watch your daughter suffer. I was home schooled from the age of 13 it didnt do me any harm as I kept all my friends and when you leave school you make new ones anyway.
First of all is there not anything put in place at the school, somewhere she can go and chill out or be away from others if shes panicky?? I am in the uk and over here we have a thing called quest in each school, its has qualified counsellours and therapists and you can go there if you need to.

You are doing an amazing job and whatever happens or no matter who you ask, you are the best person to make the right desicion for your daughter.

If you need anything please pm me, you will be in my thoughts,

Sam xx

I wish my school would have had that! Instead I would go lie in the nurse's office and watch other people v* so it just made it worse!

I begged my parents to homeschool me, but they didn't. Honestly, I'm kind of glad they didn't because staying at home all the time makes it worse in a way. I don't have to go anywhere, so I don't, and then I never want to...you know? It's so, so hard though to make that decision for your daughter. I can't even begin to imagine what it must be like to watch her suffer with this everyday. When I was 9 I was at my worst for calling mommy and wanting her to pick me up. When I got older it went away, and I hope that it does for your daughter as well.

[Rls1994]

Hi.

I'm incredibly sorry to hear your daughter has this awful phobia. I realised I had it at the age of 10 years old.

Also, you're a really great Mum. My Mum is really supportive and caring like you are too. I don't know what I would have done without her, since my Dad doesn't help me.. Anyway, enough of me babbling. My school knew of my phobia and while some didn't understand it, quite a few of them did, and whenever I started to panic, they allowed me to find somewhere to calm down and get a glass of water. I sure do hope your daughters school is like that.

I had to be pulled out of secondary school because of all the issues I had and stuff, then I was transfered to a very small building where only like 10 kids went to and got all my work done there.

[gauri]

I realized I had emetophobia when I was 7 and had my first panic attack. The thing that helped me most was that my mom was both comforting, and pushed my boundaries by minute amounts until I could lead a normal life. It was a struggle for my mom to get me to a therapist for CBT, as I had panic attacks about getting into a car, and had a panic attack at the therapists office, but I tell you, the best thing she ever did for me was making me go to the second appointment. Mom always seemed to understand and comfort me, and held my hand through it all until I could stand on my own. School was a nightmare, but once I got on paxil, I was able to return, especially with the help of CBT and the school counselor. I was able to carry a cell phone around with me just because knowing that mom was just a call away made me feel so much better. I never had to use it, just having it was enough. Also, carrying tums and water and leaving anti-emetics and a Xanax at the nurse for emergencies really did the trick. The thing that also helped was having my therapist talk to my teachers. I was allowed to leave class at any time without permission and I got to sit next to the door so I could leave whenever I wanted without anyone really noticing. Having an escape route was sooooo comforting that I barely ever had to use it.

Patience is the only thing that I wish those around me had more of. Phobias are not controllable, and the worst thing to do is to scold someone when they are flipping out. I'm sure you would never do that, I am just speaking from experience, when my mother got overwhelmed and called me crazy and yelled at me to stop, and stomped away crying... I know she just wanted to help me and she couldnt, but always keeping a brave face lets the child know that v* is not something to be afraid of.

If mom isn't afraid of it, why should I be!?

Good luck!!!