As I read your post, it sounded just like the way I feel (and think). It truly is an obsession, a fear that touches every single part of my life. I'm so sorry your boyfriend isn't supportive. I'm sure you must feel alone. I've tried a few times to explain my fears to my husband, but he just doesn't get it. Do you have anyone else you can confide in? It's important to be kind to yourself when you're having a rough time of it. Tell yourself that you CAN get through this and that you ARE strong enough to handle it. Even if you don't believe it, just saying it outloud can boost your confidence a bit. Make sure that you give yourself credit for each little thing you do to face your fears (going in to work or school, etc.). Take one day at a time.