here we go again

[babes]

its been a while since ive been here. nothing much has changed for me. i still find myself going through the cycle of fear and dread mainly during the winter months. its always the same almost to the point of monotiny, you hit september and you know 'it' is coming, by that i mean nv. first thing you hear is via the radio or tv or even the papers of a hospital that has closed wards or a primary school that has has to close because of nv. thats when panic hits you, certainly for me, i feel like a condemned man whose fate hangs in the balance of luck and fate. most of us during the winter months will hear of indirectly or know of someone who has contracted nv. at least i have faith in knowing i am certainly not on my own with this terrible fear. certainly last year i came close to a nervous breakdown because of it. my social life is in tatters, i dare not go anywhere for fear of becoming ill or other people being ill. i live in fear every day wondering if my time has come and i'm going to get ill. so depressing.... i find with this, its almost impossible to plan ahead, certainly this time of year. my wife was looking for a job and almost got a job in a pharmacy, which i dreaded because of all the ill people going in there. what am i going to do? am i totally mad? will i ever be rid of this thing and lead a normal life, or at least one where i can enjoy it without fear of getting ill? i would be gratefull to hear other peoples stories or comments on this.

regards, and keep well.

peter

[AoD]

As for the pharmacy job, I worked in one (at the lab) during my degree and I never got sick from there. And several of my family members work in a hospital and they don't get sick either. It all comes down to proper handwashing. I still don't like crowded places (like public transportation that is so crowded you can't move) because I am afraid that if someone gets sick I cannot move away... but other than that, it's possible to rationalize that with proper hand washing routines it isn't "dangerous" to be out with the public.

[babes]

[QUOTE=AoD;433780]As for the pharmacy job, I worked in one (at the lab) during my degree and I never got sick from there. And several of my family members work in a hospital and they don't get sick either. It all comes down to proper handwashing. I still don't like crowded places (like public transportation that is so crowded you can't move) because I am afraid that if someone gets sick I cannot move away... but other than that, it's possible to rationalize that with proper hand washing routines it isn't "dangerous" to be out with the public.[/QUOTE

thanks for your kind words. its odd how your mind can literally rule your life in respect to one aspect of living. i dont even know where it all came from, probably from my childhood although i can remember being scared at roughly age 8. last time i caught the bug was quite a while ago and for me the biggest fear was the run up to being si**, actually being si** didnt bother me after a few times but of course it wasnt pleasant. for a week afterwards i thought i had beaten my phobia, then it came back with vengeance 10 times worse than before. i put it down to constantly thinking about it and driving myself into a frenzy over it. it took me a good couple of years to get back into some sense of normality although it never leaves my mind. ive tried reasoning with myself, like what is the worst that can happen? but all sense of fear of this thing overrides any logical reasoning. it seems to me that the only way i'm ever going to get over it is by regular exposure to it, maybe it might help, maybe not, but its the fear of the beginning for me, the run up to it, knowing what lies ahead....potentially.
for me the worst thing about this phobia is the winter stomach bug because its hard to avoid, unlike beer, food, travelling etc which you have control over. we all have to breathe and go outside. as i said other factors can be avoided. if you have a fear of heights, you dont climb mountains or ladders, if you dont like the dark, you can buy a torch or lighting etc. again, many thanks for your replies, stay safe, and keep well, oh!! and happy xmas too!

peter