So... off I went to my little assessment with the mental health team.
I booked the appointment because I thought I had ADHD or similar. Only last night, I was so close to V that all I could talk to them about was this stupid fucking phobia. I was so afraid last night, lying there in the dark trying to control my body not to V. Panic set in, heart racing etc... you all know how it is.... I was thinking, what if I just go and V!? But I just couldn't... what if it lasted all night?! What if I had to take today off work!? So took a Motilium and tried to relax... few hours later and I got off to sleep.
So I just broke down in front of the assessment team.... (whilst in the waiting area the stupid nurses were boasting about them having V'd and that they might have norovirus FFS, I am sure they did it on purpose) referred to high intensity CBT again.... up to 18 sessions... 4 month waiting list though, useful as ever.
Don't know whether to feel relieved or not.
What worries me is sitting there when I am 90 and not being able to reach for the anti emetics... fear trapped in an old body and not being able to reach for help....
Can this be beaten? Really can it? Forever?