Gah!

[JennyS]

So... off I went to my little assessment with the mental health team.

I booked the appointment because I thought I had ADHD or similar. Only last night, I was so close to V that all I could talk to them about was this stupid fucking phobia. I was so afraid last night, lying there in the dark trying to control my body not to V. Panic set in, heart racing etc... you all know how it is.... I was thinking, what if I just go and V!? But I just couldn't... what if it lasted all night?! What if I had to take today off work!? So took a Motilium and tried to relax... few hours later and I got off to sleep.

So I just broke down in front of the assessment team.... (whilst in the waiting area the stupid nurses were boasting about them having V'd and that they might have norovirus FFS, I am sure they did it on purpose) referred to high intensity CBT again.... up to 18 sessions... 4 month waiting list though, useful as ever.

Don't know whether to feel relieved or not.

What worries me is sitting there when I am 90 and not being able to reach for the anti emetics... fear trapped in an old body and not being able to reach for help....

Can this be beaten? Really can it? Forever?

[bex]

Hmm, that sounds like a pretty nasty experience there I'm pretty disgusted that the nurses were 'boasting' about having had noro, quite frankly...that's appalling, whether it was aimed at you or not!
Have you had much CBT therapy before then? I spent a good 2 months in the Priory a few years ago (as an in-patient) and underwent daily CBT classes - to no avail, sadly...but hey, different things work for different people
How did they react when you opened up about the emet? Were they supportive at the time?

I can't answer your question, unfortunately; all I can say is that...well...we all live in hope.

*sigh*

[JennyS]

hmm, well I had about 2/3 months of CBT last year... I wasn't that overwhelmed with the whole experience then so not sure it will change again. I just can't justify in my mind some irrational things you see... and they tried to get me to take breaths quickly to feign nausea- (which it didn't) then try to help me cope with it. Pfft!

The assessment people were great actually, I let a few sobs out and they were lovely... said this was very common problem and they don't think I am stupid etc....

I just can't see a way out sometimes... when my general anxiety levels are high this is worse for me...

[bex]

Yeah, the trouble is non emets may be able to sympathise but they can't empathise... The fundamental lack of understanding unfortunately means we DO feel isolated/stupid/ashamed because it's difficult for others to comprehend the severity of the phobia, and the impact it has on our day to day lives.
My biggest problem is that I don't think I'm ready to overcome my emet...much as I HATE the daily torture of anxiety/n*/irrational thoughts and equally irrational prevention techniques, I can't begin to imagine my life without it. The fear of NOT fearing v* terrifies me. I know that sounds crazy because if I overcame it I wouldn't have anything to fear in the first place, but I can't put myself through the process of recovery for fear of exposing myself and relapsing...and thus making this phobia worse.

Illogical, I know, but.... Psh.

[JennyS]

Hmm... when I can think rationally, I am ok... as soon as i get N i'm fucked... it's all over, good by rationality...

Although, I had this thought today... Fear is something I learned... Just like I learned to smoke... but I quit smoking... So I am going to quit this fear. I am... it can go screw itself. I'm through with it.... CBT might help, we will see... I am seeing a hypnotist too after Xmas to help with general anxiety....

OMG get me!

[Ana Bellini]

CBT is working for me, I hope it works for you too!

[JennyS]

Ana are you in the UK?x

[bex]

Hmm... when I can think rationally, I am ok... as soon as i get N i'm fucked... it's all over, good by rationality...

Although, I had this thought today... Fear is something I learned... Just like I learned to smoke... but I quit smoking... So I am going to quit this fear. I am... it can go screw itself. I'm through with it.... CBT might help, we will see... I am seeing a hypnotist too after Xmas to help with general anxiety....

OMG get me!

Excellent, that's the attitude! Good luck