...I’ve done it again

[emetojackie]

I've cut myself again..


After years of not even thinking about it i've done it again, I can't beleive myself..


I seriously think I have Bi-Polar disorder, becuase today I didn't have a care in the world, I was almost extactic with happiness, then it all came crashing down to a low again.. This happens so much..


My Emet. doesn't really help with it either, infact I think thats what triggered it off in a way..


I'm dreading college tomorrow..


I think I need therapy again, but I'm too scared to ring the place back again.. And wouldn't I have to go back to my doctor first to get reffered? I can't go to the doctors I'm terrified..


Oh I just want this to end..

[terified girl]

I think if its this serious for you then you should go see someone, it does sound like bi-polar, but only the doctors can tell you for sure.


I Do hope you pull out of this and get better.


Be strong, and take care of you!


Sonia

[emetojackie]

*Hugs* Thank you Sonia,


I just feel so low - and its so weird because I havent been so happy in so long today, and within a few minutes I went from one extreme to the other, its getting so tiring, its hurting me and my friends..


I think I need to get some sleep, I'll see how I feel in the morning [img]smileys/smilies_12.gif[/img]


Thank you for your kind words yet again, they really do mean alot.


I hope your feeling better than I am


Jackie xxx

[Babydoll]

wow, thats scarey stuff. I dont ever think "cutting" is a good thing and can say I don't understand what makes you want to do that. does it release frustration? vent anger?


whatever the cause is, im sure a doctor could help.


I don't understand it, but all i can say is I'm here for you if you need someone to talk to and please find some way to cope!

[snowangel]

Hi sweetie, try not and do that. I cut myself too, it's hard to stop. It means you have a lot of pain, as I am sure you know. Its a good release but it is not the answer...if you need to talk let me know

[nicki]

Hi Jackie


I thought i would reply as I cut myself too. I also have the highs and lows that you describe, although im not so sure mine is severe enough to be classed as bipolar disorder.I was fine today until i ate in kfc, i was actually having a good day and then bam it hit me out of nowhere. Then this evening i have steadily gone downhill to the panic state i am in now.


Everyone cuts for a different reason. I have intentionally hurt myself since about the age of 10. I was neglected by my stepmother from the age of 8 until i was about 16. I had noone i could tell about this as i didnt want to cause trouble. I was completely withdrawn at school, everyone just thought i was a quiet child (i lived with my mum who is wonderful and not like my ex-stepmother in any way in a very nice area - i think my teachers and friends thought that because of my postcode and the fact i was always neatly dressed meant everything was ok and i was just shy. I think they would be shocked if they knew the truth. Hurting myself was a way to release the pain. I took the frustration out on myself.


Sorry ive rambled on a bit,


If you feel that seeing a therapist would help then you should, if it doesn't work you won't have lost anything so i think its worth a try. Do you know what things it is that trigger you to feel so low, or cut yourself. I think identifying them is a major step to recovery.


I hope you are doing ok. Well done for not cutting for years, the longest i have managed is 5 weeks, and i broke that the other day [img]smileys/smilies_06.gif[/img]





I dont mean to offend anyone but i think unless you have self-harmed I don't think you can truly understand. If you want to chat more, then either on the forum is fine or you can PM me if you like.

[discochic90]

Hi Jackie...


I'm sorry about what you are going through. I do in fact have Bipolar Disorder. If you or anyone would like to talk about it, you can email me at [email protected]. I'm not really comfortable discussing it here. You know what I mean?? But I was diagnosed at 20 and I am currently on meds to control it. Please feel free to contact me if there is anything I do ok?


Hang in there hon,


Hugs, Kris

[ontariogirl]

When this phobia began for me I cut myself to, I did it to get my mind off feeling sick. I don't do it anymore, haven't for 30 some years. I suggest you see a doctor to get some help. I hope you do feel better in the morning, but please get some help for this

[mitch4133]

Jackie,


How are you feeling? I do not know what to say, I have never experienced or knowen anyone to cut themselves. From what I do know its a way to realeas stress. I am sorry that I can not offer much words, but it sounds that you may have to seek professional help. And remember that we are here to talk to you. I really hope you are feeling well, I am thinking of you. Let me know how you are.


Michele

[redapple]

Hey
Jackie...I'm gonna have to agree that you definitely need to see your
doctor. It won't be that scary, all you will have to do is talk
to him a little about what is going on, and ask him for the
referral. You should go, hon, there is help out there.
Reach out and get it-- please!!</span>

[ejb199]

Jackie,

i used to have bi polar symptoms too but not enough for doc to make proper diagnosis. one mo i would be really happy and extreme, the next id wanna die. it was mucking around with my head so much - and my partners. he didnt know if he was coming or going.

but since ive been on effexor, ive been much better.

try not to cut urself - i know how tempting it is sometimes. but think about the scars and how summers on its way...! thats what works for me! try hitting/screaming into a pillow or holding ice on ur arms....

ems xx

[helsbels]

Sorry Jackie, sorry that you had such a bad day and that you feel you have relapsed into something. Try not to think of it that way and don't be too hard on yourself, it's your personal way of dealing with things and if things are particularly hard for you at the moment, it's going to be the way you want to release. I was recently depressed and I had some time off work, on one of the days I was watching daytime TV (enough to induce depression in even the happiest person LOL!) and I saw an interview with a girl who had cut herself for years, the interviewers really couldn't understand her so some of the questions they asked were dumb - but she did go on to say that she had received help and she had finally managed to stop, and she went on TV to try to encourage others to do the same and not to feel ashamed about it, and I think admitting it and not being ashamed of it is a massive and very courageous step, and if you are able to seek out some professional support it will probably help. Also, why not maybe see if there is a support group you can go to, just to help you through the bad times, maybe it would be a good in-between thing where you can get some support but without having to go to the doctor?


Take care, x

[emetojackie]

[img]smileys/smilies_07.gif[/img]I just typed back a superlong response and my computer crashed..


I'll begin to say that i'm so thankful of each and every one of your responses. I have never been so overwhelmed with advice from people who genuinely care and know how I am feeling. Thank you to each and every one of you it means so much to me it really does. I hope everyone has hada super excellent day today, with no emet. fears what so ever! (and that goes for tomorrow too)


I'm afraid i'm going to have to catch up with everyones posts tomorrow, as I need to get up at 6:30am and its now 11:21pm. I have to talk to my lecturers boss about college or something


I'm feeling slightly better today, I havent cut myself again, but the temptation is there. Its so werid I hadent even thought about it since I was 14/15 (when I stopped before) and I'm 18 in less than 4 months.


Just thought i'd post my love to you all, and I'll catch up with everyones new posts tomorrow, I hope your all feeling fine and thank you again, oh so much.


(Helsbels - I'll be online during the day tomorrow so I may see you on MSN)


Thank you all so much,


Jackie xx

[bethany]

what a friendly post jackie.Dont be discouraged. one really bad day doesn't mean you're gonna relapse into anything.. hang in there!
-megan

[emetojackie]

what a friendly post jackie.Dont be discouraged. one really bad day doesn't mean you're gonna relapse into anything.. hang in there!
-megan

thanks megan [img]smileys/smilies_01.gif[/img]I feel fine today, it's strange.. I can't even believe I wrote that, it feels like someone else did..


We'll all get through this together, i've said this loads but we truely will!

[nicki]

Hi


Im glad you are feeling better. I wouldn't worry too much about cutting just once. I hurt myself pretty much every day for about 11 years, over half of my life. I tried to stop last June and have pretty much been successful, I think i have cut quite a few times since then but only when things get really bad, I don't rely on it to get through every day.


The way i look at it is people turn to all kinds of things such as alohol, smoking and drugs when they are stressed to deal with it, i cut myself, it was no different. I have managed to stop the 'addiction', i have other ways to deal with the stress now. People who give up smoking and alcohol often might have a cigarette or a drink if something really gets to them, but it doesnt mean they are addicted again. thats how i look at my 'episodes' when i cut again, they are usually just one offs.


Sorry if this makes no sense or is of no help to you, but it helps me through the bad times

[emetojackie]

That does Nicki thank you! [img]smileys/smilies_04.gif[/img] I cut myself constantly for about 3 years until I was admitted into an impatient unit - but that was for my emetophobia mainly aswell.


However they didn't accept me because they didn't feel my phobia was serious enough and easy to get over. I'll never EVER forgive them for that.. it still makes me mad now..


I'm not sure what made me stop do it, but I did. I don't think I will again but that hasn't really stopped my highs and lows.


Well as they say, things need to be worse b4 they get better (or something like that)

Hi


Im glad you are feeling better. I wouldn't worry too much about cutting just once. I hurt myself pretty much every day for about 11 years, over half of my life. I tried to stop last June and have pretty much been successful, I think i have cut quite a few times since then but only when things get really bad, I don't rely on it to get through every day.


The way i look at it is people turn to all kinds of things such as alohol, smoking and drugs when they are stressed to deal with it, i cut myself, it was no different. I have managed to stop the 'addiction', i have other ways to deal with the stress now. People who give up smoking and alcohol often might have a cigarette or a drink if something really gets to them, but it doesnt mean they are addicted again. thats how i look at my 'episodes' when i cut again, they are usually just one offs.


Sorry if this makes no sense or is of no help to you, but it helps me through the bad times





(from different post).......Everyone cuts for a different reason. I have intentionally hurt myself since about the age of 10. I was neglected by my stepmother from the age of 8 until i was about 16. I had noone i could tell about this as i didnt want to cause trouble. I was completely withdrawn at school, everyone just thought i was a quiet child (i lived with my mum who is wonderful and not like my ex-stepmother in any way in a very nice area - i think my teachers and friends thought that because of my postcode and the fact i was always neatly dressed meant everything was ok and i was just shy. I think they would be shocked if they knew the truth. Hurting myself was a way to release the pain. I took the frustration out on myself.

I'm so sorry to hear your story Nicki, and don't worry you didn't ramble. I'm sure the emetophobia on top of this caused you hell. I bet your glad to be away from that now? I was never neglected or abused in any shape or form which sometimes angers me when I think my life is so crap, because there are people out there who are far more worse off but sometimes I feel on the same level as them.. its weird.. Edited by: emetojackie